a new girl came to join the class,

當我八歲的時候，

and she was so impressive,

班裡來了位新的女同學，

as the new girl always seems to be.

她是那麼令人印象深刻，

She had vast quantities of very shiny hair

好像新來的女生應該就是那樣的。

and a cute little pencil case,

她的秀髮豐盈且有光澤，

super strong on state capitals,

她有一個小巧玲瓏的文具盒，

just a great speller.

家境豐厚，

And I just curdled with jealousy that year,

出色的拼寫能力。

until I hatched my devious plan.

那年我心中一直嫉妒氣得發抖，

So one day I stayed a little late after school,

直至我策劃了一個陰謀。

a little too late, and I lurked in the girls' bathroom.

有一天，我放學後在學校留了一陣子，

When the coast was clear, I emerged,

確實有點兒晚，而我躲藏在女廁所，

crept into the classroom,

當學校沒有人之後，我就溜了出來，

and took from my teacher's desk the grade book.

悄悄地潛入教室，

And then I did it.

從老師桌子上拿到了成績紀錄簿，

I fiddled with my rival's grades,

我真的這樣做了，

just a little, just demoted some of those A's.

我竄改了競爭對手的成績，

All of those A's. (Laughter)

只是改了一點點，把一些 A 降級，

And I got ready to return the book to the drawer,

其實是所有的 A 。（笑聲）

when hang on, some of my other classmates

當我準備要把那本紀錄簿放回抽屜時，

had appallingly good grades too.

等等，同班的其他同學

So, in a frenzy,

也有令人震驚的好成績。

I corrected everybody's marks,

於是，在狂亂中，

not imaginatively.

我改了每個人的分數

I gave everybody a row of D's

不是假想的。

and I gave myself a row of A's,

我給每個人一整行 D ，

just because I was there, you know, might as well.

之後給自己一整行 A ，

And I am still baffled by my behavior.

只是因為我在那裡， 你知道啦，你也會這樣做的。

I don't understand where the idea came from.

我現在仍然對自己的行為感到不解。

I don't understand why I felt so great doing it.

我不知道這樣的意念是從哪兒來的。

I felt great.

我不知道為什麼這樣做會感到爽快。

I don't understand why I was never caught.

我感覺很棒。

I mean, it should have been so blatantly obvious.

我不知道為什麼從來沒被抓到。

I was never caught.

我是說，這應該是顯而易見吧。

But most of all, I am baffled by,

我一直沒被抓到。

why did it bother me so much

但最重要的，讓我覺得難解的是，

that this little girl, this tiny little girl,

為什麼這位個子小小的女孩，

was so good at spelling?

如此擅長於拼寫，

Jealousy baffles me.

會讓我覺得十分困擾？

It's so mysterious, and it's so pervasive.

嫉妒令我感到困惑。

We know babies suffer from jealousy.

它是如此神秘，又是如此無孔不入。

We know primates do. Bluebirds are actually very prone.

我們知道嬰兒們會嫉妒。

We know that jealousy is the number one cause

我們知道靈長類動物也會。 藍色知更鳥事實上也非常易妒。

of spousal murder in the United States.

我們知道在美國嫉妒是

And yet, I have never read a study

配偶謀殺案之頭號原因。

that can parse to me its loneliness

然而，我從沒讀過一項研究

or its longevity or its grim thrill.

可以解析它的孤寂

For that, we have to go to fiction,

它的期限，或者它的嚴峻挑戰。

because the novel is the lab

就是因為這點，我們必須看小說，

that has studied jealousy

因為小說是個

in every possible configuration.

在每一個合理的佈局下

In fact, I don't know if it's an exaggeration to say

來研究嫉妒的實驗室。

that if we didn't have jealousy,

事實上，我不知道這樣說是否太誇張，

would we even have literature?

如果我們沒有嫉妒心，

Well no faithless Helen, no "Odyssey."

那還會有文學嗎?

No jealous king, no "Arabian Nights."

沒有不貞的海倫， 就沒有《奧德賽》。

No Shakespeare.

沒有易妒的國王，就沒有《天方夜譚》，

There goes high school reading lists,

也沒有莎士比亞。

because we're losing "Sound and the Fury,"

讓我們看看高中的閱讀書目，

we're losing "Gatsby," "Sun Also Rises,"

因為我們錯失了《喧嘩與騷動》，

we're losing "Madame Bovary," "Anna K."

我們錯失了《大享小傳》、《太陽照常升起》

No jealousy, no Proust. And now, I mean,

《包法利夫人》、《安娜．卡列妮娜》

I know it's fashionable to say that Proust

沒有嫉妒，就沒有普魯斯特。我的意思是， (註：普魯斯特是法國小說家)

has the answers to everything,

說「普魯斯特的小說包含所有的答案」

but in the case of jealousy,

是一個時尚的說法，

he kind of does.

但是就忌妒這方面來說，

This year is the centennial of his masterpiece, "In Search of Lost Time,"

他又好似有解析。

and it's the most exhaustive study of sexual jealousy

今年是他的代表作《追憶似水年華》一百週年，

and just regular competitiveness, my brand,

這是有關由愛生妒最詳盡的研究，

that we can hope to have. (Laughter)

和我們希望擁有的

And we think about Proust, we think

正規競爭、舉止。（笑聲）

about the sentimental bits, right?

當我們想到普魯斯特，我們想到

We think about a little boy trying to get to sleep.

有關多愁善感的細節，對嗎?

We think about a madeleine moistened in lavender tea.

我們想到一個正嘗試進入夢鄉的小男孩。

We forget how harsh his vision was.

一塊蘸著薰衣草茶的瑪德蓮蛋糕。

We forget how pitiless he is.

我們忘記他的願景是如此的惡劣，

I mean, these are books that Virginia Woolf said

忘記他是多麼的冷酷無情。

were tough as cat gut.

我的意思是，這些書，正如維吉尼亞．吳爾芙所說的， (註：維吉尼亞．吳爾芙是英國小說家)

I don't know what cat gut is,

如羊腸線般一樣堅韌。

but let's assume it's formidable.

我不知道什麼是羊腸線，

Let's look at why they go so well together,

但讓我們假設它是難以對付的。

the novel and jealousy, jealousy and Proust.

讓我們看看他們能走在一起的原因，

Is it something as obvious as that jealousy,

小說和嫉妒、嫉妒和普魯斯特，

which boils down into person, desire, impediment,

是否某些東西像那個嫉妒一樣明顯，

is such a solid narrative foundation?

這歸結為人、 欲望、 障礙，

I don't know. I think it cuts very close to the bone,

是如此實在的敘事基礎嗎？

because let's think about what happens

我不知道。我想這已經非常接近事實。

when we feel jealous.

因為，讓我們想想

When we feel jealous, we tell ourselves a story.

當我們感到嫉妒時會發生的事情。

We tell ourselves a story about other people's lives,

當我們感到嫉妒時，我們會告訴自己一個故事。

and these stories make us feel terrible

我們告訴自己一個有關其他人生活的故事，

because they're designed to make us feel terrible.

這些故事會使我們覺得可怕

As the teller of the tale and the audience,

因為它們設計到使我們感到可怕。

we know just what details to include,

作為敘事者以及聽眾，

to dig that knife in. Right?

我們知道包括哪些細節，

Jealousy makes us all amateur novelists,

要掏那把刀，對吧？

and this is something Proust understood.

嫉妒讓所有人成為業餘小說家，

In the first volume, Swann's Way,

而這是普魯斯特理解的東西。

the series of books,

在第一卷「在斯萬家那邊」， （註：《追憶似水年華》的第一卷)

Swann, one of the main characters,

這系列的書籍，

is thinking very fondly of his mistress

斯萬是其中一個主角，

and how great she is in bed,

常常十分深情地想著情婦，

and suddenly, in the course of a few sentences,

和她在床上是多麼的棒，

and these are Proustian sentences,

突然間，在幾個句子中，

so they're long as rivers,

而這些都是普魯斯特的句子，

but in the course of a few sentences,

所以它們像河流一樣長，

he suddenly recoils and he realizes,

但在幾個句子中，

"Hang on, everything I love about this woman,

他突然往後跳回並意識到，

somebody else would love about this woman.

「等會兒，我對這個女人所愛的一切

Everything that she does that gives me pleasure

別人都會喜歡。

could be giving somebody else pleasure,

她所做的的一切使我快樂，

maybe right about now."

也都有可能使別人快樂，

And this is the story he starts to tell himself,

也許就是現在。」

and from then on, Proust writes that

這是他開始告訴自己的故事，

every fresh charm Swann detects in his mistress,

從那時起，普魯斯特寫道，

he adds to his "collection of instruments

任何一個斯萬發現他情婦身上的鮮活魅力，

in his private torture chamber."

他都會把這些加到他的

Now Swann and Proust, we have to admit,

「私人折磨寢室裡的工具收藏間」。

were notoriously jealous.

現在我們不得不承認，斯萬和普魯斯特

You know, Proust's boyfriends would have to leave

是臭名遠揚地嫉妒著。

the country if they wanted to break up with him.

如果普魯斯特的男朋友們要和他分手

But you don't have to be that jealous

他們就會出國去。

to concede that it's hard work. Right?

但你不一定要那麼嫉妒

Jealousy is exhausting.

去承認它是艱苦的工作，對吧？

It's a hungry emotion. It must be fed.

嫉妒令人太累了。

And what does jealousy like?

它是個飢餓的情緒。它必須被填滿。

Jealousy likes information.

而嫉妒喜歡什麼呢

Jealousy likes details.

嫉妒喜歡資訊

Jealousy likes the vast quantities of shiny hair,

嫉妒喜歡細節

the cute little pencil case.

嫉妒喜歡那些濃密閃亮的秀髮

Jealousy likes photos.

那個可愛的小小鉛筆盒。

That's why Instagram is such a hit. (Laughter)

嫉妒喜歡照片

Proust actually links the language of scholarship and jealousy.

這就是 Instagram 如此受歡迎的原因。（笑聲） (註：Instagram 是手機上著名的照相app)

When Swann is in his jealous throes,

事實上，普魯斯特把 學術上的語言和嫉妒連結起來。

and suddenly he's listening at doorways

當斯萬在他的嫉妒中陣痛時，

and bribing his mistress' servants,

突然之間他會在門口偷聽

he defends these behaviors.

和賄賂他情婦的服務生，

He says, "You know, look, I know you think this is repugnant,

而他為這些行為進行辯護。

but it is no different

他說：「你看看，我知道你會覺得這是令人厭惡，

from interpreting an ancient text

但這和解讀古代文字比較

or looking at a monument."

或注目看著一座紀念碑

He says, "They are scientific investigations

並沒有什麼不同。」

with real intellectual value."

他說：「他們是真正有理智能力的

Proust is trying to show us that jealousy

科學探索。」

feels intolerable and makes us look absurd,

普魯斯特想要告訴我們

but it is, at its crux, a quest for knowledge,

嫉妒是不能容忍的，以及令我們顯得很可笑，

a quest for truth, painful truth,

但是，在其癥結所在中，它是一個對知識的追求，

and actually, where Proust is concerned,

一個對真相的尋求，對痛苦真相的尋求，

the more painful the truth, the better.

實際上，普魯斯特所關注的是

Grief, humiliation, loss:

越痛苦的真相越好。

These were the avenues to wisdom for Proust.

悲傷，羞辱，遺失：

He says, "A woman whom we need,

對普魯斯特來說， 這些都是往智慧之門的途徑。

who makes us suffer, elicits from us

他說：「那個我們需要的女人

a gamut of feelings far more profound and vital

那個讓我們痛苦的女人，所誘發的情感

than a man of genius who interests us."

比一位我們感興趣的天才所激發的

Is he telling us to just go and find cruel women?

來得更深遠和更重要。」

No. I think he's trying to say

他是否告訴我們 只是去找的那些殘酷的女人嗎？

that jealousy reveals us to ourselves.

不，我想他想說的是

And does any other emotion crack us open

嫉妒向我們揭示了我們自己。

in this particular way?

是否有其它情感用這種特定的方式

Does any other emotion reveal to us

剖開我們？

our aggression and our hideous ambition

是否其他情感透露了給我們有關

and our entitlement?

我們的攻擊性，我們醜陋的雄心

Does any other emotion teach us to look

和我們的權位？

with such peculiar intensity?

是否其他情感教了我們

Freud would write about this later.

以那種奇特的強度去看世界？

One day, Freud was visited

後來，弗洛伊德對此下筆。

by this very anxious young man who was consumed

有一天，

with the thought of his wife cheating on him.

一位很著急的年輕人拜訪弗洛伊德

And Freud says, it's something strange about this guy,

他滿腦子認為他妻子背叛他。

because he's not looking at what his wife is doing.

弗洛伊德說，這傢伙有點奇怪，

Because she's blameless; everybody knows it.

因為他不是看著他的妻子在做什麼。

The poor creature is just

因為大家都知道她是清白的 。

under suspicion for no cause.

那個可憐的生物只是

But he's looking for things that his wife is doing

沒由來地懷疑。

without noticing, unintentional behaviors.

而他在觀察他的妻子

Is she smiling too brightly here,

沒有留心的無意識行為。

or did she accidentally brush up against a man there?

是否她在這裡微笑得太開懷，

[Freud] says that the man is becoming

或者是否她巧恰地在某個男人前掃地？

the custodian of his wife's unconscious.

[弗洛伊德] 說這位男子正變成

The novel is very good on this point.

他妻子之無意識的守護人。

The novel is very good at describing how jealousy

小說在這點上很棒。

trains us to look with intensity but not accuracy.

這本小說很正點地描述了嫉妒是如何

In fact, the more intensely jealous we are,

鍛鍊我們強有力但不準確的去看待事情。

the more we become residents of fantasy.

事實上，我們嫉妒得越強，

And this is why, I think, jealousy doesn't

我們越成為幻想的居民。

just provoke us to do violent things

其原因是，我認為，嫉妒不單是

or illegal things.

挑起我們做暴力的事

Jealousy prompts us to behave in ways

或違法的事，

that are wildly inventive.

嫉妒還促使我們

Now I'm thinking of myself at eight, I concede,

狂野般的創新行為。

but I'm also thinking of this story I heard on the news.

現在我回想八歲的自己，我承認，

A 52-year-old Michigan woman was caught

但我也同時想著我在新聞聽到的故事，

creating a fake Facebook account

一個 52 歲密西根州女子被抓

from which she sent vile, hideous messages

她開了個假的 Facebook 帳戶

to herself for a year.

給她自己發送

For a year. A year.

醜陋可怕的訊息長達一年，

And she was trying to frame

一年，整整一年。

her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend,

她試著誣陷

and I have to confess when I heard this,

她前男友的新女友，

I just reacted with admiration.

而我必須坦白，當我聽見這，

(Laughter)

我敬佩有加。

Because, I mean, let's be real.

（笑聲）

What immense, if misplaced, creativity. Right?

因為，我的意思是，說真的，

This is something from a novel.

如此巨大的，如果放錯了地方，其創造力，對吧？

This is something from a Patricia Highsmith novel.

這是源自小說中的一些東西，

Now Highsmith is a particular favorite of mine.

這是源自派翠西亞．海史密斯小說中的東西， （註：派翠西亞．海史密斯是美國犯罪小說家）

She is the very brilliant and bizarre woman of American letters.

現在海史密斯是我特別喜歡的作家之一。

She's the author of "Strangers on a Train"

她非常聰明，而且是美國文學上的奇異女人。

and "The Talented Mr. Ripley,"

她是《火車怪客》

books that are all about how jealousy,

和 《天才雷普利》的作者，

it muddles our minds,

這些書都是關於嫉妒是如何

and once we're in the sphere, in that realm of jealousy,

使我們的頭腦變胡塗，

the membrane between what is and what could be

一旦我們進入了那個嫉妒的領域中，

can be pierced in an instant.

這是什麼和可能是什麼之間的界線

Take Tom Ripley, her most famous character.

可以在瞬間被打破。

Now, Tom Ripley goes from wanting you

以湯姆．雷普利為例，她最著名的角色。

or wanting what you have

現在，湯姆．雷普利從想要你

to being you and having what you once had,

或想要你擁有的東西

and you're under the floorboards,

到成為你和擁有你曾有過的東西，

he's answering to your name,

而你躺在地板下，

he's wearing your rings,

他回應你的名字，

emptying your bank account.

他戴著你的戒指，

That's one way to go.

清空你的銀行帳戶。

But what do we do? We can't go the Tom Ripley route.

這是一條不歸路。

I can't give the world D's,

但我們要做些什麼呢？ 我們不能去走湯姆．雷普利的路。

as much as I would really like to, some days.

我不能給世界一個 D (迪克) (註：指雷普利小說裡的角色 Dickie )

And it's a pity, because we live in envious times.

就像我真的很想在某幾天中可以做到。

We live in jealous times.

而這很可惜，因為我們生活在嫉妒的時代。

I mean, we're all good citizens of social media,

我們生活在嫉妒的時代。

aren't we, where the currency is envy?

我是說，我們所有是社交媒體的良好公民，

Does the novel show us a way out? I'm not sure.

我們不是哪裡有貨幣哪裡有嫉妒嗎？

So let's do what characters always do when they're not sure,

這本小說是否顯示我們一條出路嗎？我不確定。

when they are in possession of a mystery.

所以讓我們做那些角色在他們不確定時

Let's go to 221B Baker Street

或當他們迷惘時會做的事。

and ask for Sherlock Holmes.

讓我們去到貝克街 221B 號

When people think of Holmes,

找夏洛克．福爾摩斯。

they think of his nemesis being Professor Moriarty,

當人們想到福爾摩斯

right, this criminal mastermind.

他們想到他的對手莫里亞蒂教授，

But I've always preferred [Inspector] Lestrade,

是的，他是犯罪集團的主腦。

who is the rat-faced head of Scotland Yard

但我一直很欣賞雷斯垂德 [探長]

who needs Holmes desperately,

那個在蘇格蘭場的鼠臉人物

needs Holmes' genius, but resents him.

急切著需要福爾摩斯，

Oh, it's so familiar to me.

需要福爾摩斯的天才，但又怨恨他。

So Lestrade needs his help, resents him,

哦，這個我好熟悉啊。

and sort of seethes with bitterness over the course of the mysteries.

雷斯垂德需要他的幫助，但怨恨他，

But as they work together, something starts to change,

在謎團中的辛酸內翻騰。

and finally in "The Adventure of the Six Napoleons,"

但在當他們一起工作，事情開始改變，