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  • Chapter 8 The Queen's Croquet-Ground

  • A large rose tree stood near the entrance of the garden: the roses growing on it were

  • white, but there were three gardeners at it, busily painting them red. Alice thought this

  • a very curious thing, and she went nearer to watch them, and just as she came up to

  • them she heard one of them say, 'Look out now, Five! Don't go splashing paint over me

  • like that!'

  • 'I couldn't help it,' said Five, in a sulky tone; 'Seven jogged my elbow.'

  • On which Seven looked up and said, 'That's right, Five! Always lay the blame on others!'

  • 'YOU'D better not talk!' said Five. 'I heard the Queen say only yesterday you deserved

  • to be beheaded!'

  • 'What for?' said the one who had spoken first.

  • 'That's none of YOUR business, Two!' said Seven.

  • 'Yes, it IS his business!' said Five, 'and I'll tell him it was for bringing the cook

  • tulip roots instead of onions.'

  • Seven flung down his brush, and had just begun 'Well, of all the unjust things' when his

  • eye chanced to fall upon Alice, as she stood watching them, and he checked himself suddenly:

  • the others looked round also, and all of them bowed low.

  • 'Would you tell me,' said Alice, a little timidly, 'why you are painting those roses?'

  • Five and Seven said nothing, but looked at Two. Two began in a low voice, 'Why the fact

  • is, you see, Miss, this here ought to have been a RED rose tree, and we put a white one

  • in by mistake; and if the Queen was to find it out, we should all have our heads cut off,

  • you know. So you see, Miss, we're doing our best, afore she comes, to' At this moment

  • Five, who had been anxiously looking across the garden, called out 'The Queen! The Queen!'

  • and the three gardeners instantly threw themselves flat upon their faces. There was a sound of

  • many footsteps, and Alice looked round, eager to see the Queen.

  • First came ten soldiers carrying clubs; these were all shaped like the three gardeners,

  • oblong and flat, with their hands and feet at the corners: next the ten courtiers; these

  • were ornamented all over with diamonds, and walked two and two, as the soldiers did. After

  • these came the royal children; there were ten of them, and the little dears came jumping

  • merrily along hand in hand, in couples: they were all ornamented with hearts. Next came

  • the guests, mostly Kings and Queens, and among them Alice recognised the White Rabbit: it

  • was talking in a hurried nervous manner, smiling at everything that was said, and went by without

  • noticing her. Then followed the Knave of Hearts, carrying the King's crown on a crimson velvet

  • cushion; and, last of all this grand procession, came THE KING AND QUEEN OF HEARTS.

  • Alice was rather doubtful whether she ought not to lie down on her face like the three

  • gardeners, but she could not remember ever having heard of such a rule at processions;

  • 'and besides, what would be the use of a procession,' thought she, 'if people had all to lie down

  • upon their faces, so that they couldn't see it?' So she stood still where she was, and

  • waited.

  • When the procession came opposite to Alice, they all stopped and looked at her, and the

  • Queen said severely 'Who is this?' She said it to the Knave of Hearts, who only bowed

  • and smiled in reply.

  • 'Idiot!' said the Queen, tossing her head impatiently; and, turning to Alice, she went

  • on, 'What's your name, child?'

  • 'My name is Alice, so please your Majesty,' said Alice very politely; but she added, to

  • herself, 'Why, they're only a pack of cards, after all. I needn't be afraid of them!'

  • 'And who are THESE?' said the Queen, pointing to the three gardeners who were lying round

  • the rosetree; for, you see, as they were lying on their faces, and the pattern on their backs

  • was the same as the rest of the pack, she could not tell whether they were gardeners,

  • or soldiers, or courtiers, or three of her own children.

  • 'How should I know?' said Alice, surprised at her own courage. 'It's no business of MINE.'

  • The Queen turned crimson with fury, and, after glaring at her for a moment like a wild beast,

  • screamed 'Off with her head! Off'

  • 'Nonsense!' said Alice, very loudly and decidedly, and the Queen was silent.

  • The King laid his hand upon her arm, and timidly said 'Consider, my dear: she is only a child!'

  • The Queen turned angrily away from him, and said to the Knave 'Turn them over!'

  • The Knave did so, very carefully, with one foot.

  • 'Get up!' said the Queen, in a shrill, loud voice, and the three gardeners instantly jumped

  • up, and began bowing to the King, the Queen, the royal children, and everybody else.

  • 'Leave off that!' screamed the Queen. 'You make me giddy.' And then, turning to the rose

  • tree, she went on, 'What HAVE you been doing here?'

  • 'May it please your Majesty,' said Two, in a very humble tone, going down on one knee

  • as he spoke, 'we were trying'

  • 'I see!' said the Queen, who had meanwhile been examining the roses. 'Off with their

  • heads!' and the procession moved on, three of the soldiers remaining behind to execute

  • the unfortunate gardeners, who ran to Alice for protection.

  • 'You shan't be beheaded!' said Alice, and she put them into a large flower pot that

  • stood near. The three soldiers wandered about for a minute or two, looking for them, and

  • then quietly marched off after the others.

  • 'Are their heads off?' shouted the Queen.

  • 'Their heads are gone, if it please your Majesty!' the soldiers shouted in reply.

  • 'That's right!' shouted the Queen. 'Can you play croquet?'

  • The soldiers were silent, and looked at Alice, as the question was evidently meant for her.

  • 'Yes!' shouted Alice.

  • 'Come on, then!' roared the Queen, and Alice joined the procession, wondering very much

  • what would happen next.

  • 'It's it's a very fine day!' said a timid voice at her side. She was walking by the

  • White Rabbit, who was peeping anxiously into her face.

  • 'Very,' said Alice: 'where's the Duchess?'

  • 'Hush! Hush!' said the Rabbit in a low, hurried tone. He looked anxiously over his shoulder

  • as he spoke, and then raised himself upon tiptoe, put his mouth close to her ear, and

  • whispered 'She's under sentence of execution.'

  • 'What for?' said Alice.

  • 'Did you say "What a pity!"?' the Rabbit asked.

  • 'No, I didn't,' said Alice: 'I don't think it's at all a pity. I said "What for?"'

  • 'She boxed the Queen's ears' the Rabbit began. Alice gave a little scream of laughter. 'Oh,

  • hush!' the Rabbit whispered in a frightened tone. 'The Queen will hear you! You see, she

  • came rather late, and the Queen said'

  • 'Get to your places!' shouted the Queen in a voice of thunder, and people began running

  • about in all directions, tumbling up against each other; however, they got settled down

  • in a minute or two, and the game began. Alice thought she had never seen such a curious

  • croquet-ground in her life; it was all ridges and furrows; the balls were live hedgehogs,

  • the mallets live flamingoes, and the soldiers had to double themselves up and to stand on

  • their hands and feet, to make the arches.

  • The chief difficulty Alice found at first was in managing her flamingo: she succeeded

  • in getting its body tucked away, comfortably enough, under her arm, with its legs hanging

  • down, but generally, just as she had got its neck nicely straightened out, and was going

  • to give the hedgehog a blow with its head, it WOULD twist itself round and look up in

  • her face, with such a puzzled expression that she could not help bursting out laughing:

  • and when she had got its head down, and was going to begin again, it was very provoking

  • to find that the hedgehog had unrolled itself, and was in the act of crawling away: besides

  • all this, there was generally a ridge or furrow in the way wherever she wanted to send the

  • hedgehog to, and, as the doubled up soldiers were always getting up and walking off to

  • other parts of the ground, Alice soon came to the conclusion that it was a very difficult

  • game indeed.

  • The players all played at once without waiting for turns, quarrelling all the while, and

  • fighting for the hedgehogs; and in a very short time the Queen was in a furious passion,

  • and went stamping about, and shouting 'Off with his head!' or 'Off with her head!' about

  • once in a minute.

  • Alice began to feel very uneasy: to be sure, she had not as yet had any dispute with the

  • Queen, but she knew that it might happen any minute, 'and then,' thought she, 'what would

  • become of me? They're dreadfully fond of beheading people here; the great wonder is, that there's

  • any one left alive!'

  • She was looking about for some way of escape, and wondering whether she could get away without

  • being seen, when she noticed a curious appearance in the air: it puzzled her very much at first,

  • but, after watching it a minute or two, she made it out to be a grin, and she said to

  • herself 'It's the Cheshire Cat: now I shall have somebody to talk to.'

  • 'How are you getting on?' said the Cat, as soon as there was mouth enough for it to speak

  • with.

  • Alice waited till the eyes appeared, and then nodded. 'It's no use speaking to it,' she

  • thought, 'till its ears have come, or at least one of them.' In another minute the whole

  • head appeared, and then Alice put down her flamingo, and began an account of the game,

  • feeling very glad she had someone to listen to her. The Cat seemed to think that there

  • was enough of it now in sight, and no more of it appeared.

  • 'I don't think they play at all fairly,' Alice began, in rather a complaining tone, 'and

  • they all quarrel so dreadfully one can't hear oneself speak and they don't seem to have

  • any rules in particular; at least, if there are, nobody attends to them and you've no

  • idea how confusing it is all the things being alive; for instance, there's the arch I've

  • got to go through next walking about at the other end of the ground and I should have

  • croqueted the Queen's hedgehog just now, only it ran away when it saw mine coming!'

  • 'How do you like the Queen?' said the Cat in a low voice.

  • 'Not at all,' said Alice: 'she's so extremely' Just then she noticed that the Queen was close

  • behind her, listening: so she went on, 'likely to win, that it's hardly worth while finishing

  • the game.'

  • The Queen smiled and passed on.

  • 'Who ARE you talking to?' said the King, going up to Alice, and looking at the Cat's head

  • with great curiosity.

  • 'It's a friend of mine a Cheshire Cat,' said Alice: 'allow me to introduce it.'

  • 'I don't like the look of it at all,' said the King: 'however, it may kiss my hand if

  • it likes.'

  • 'I'd rather not,' the Cat remarked.

  • 'Don't be impertinent,' said the King, 'and don't look at me like that!' He got behind

  • Alice as he spoke.

  • 'A cat may look at a king,' said Alice. 'I've read that in some book, but I don't remember

  • where.'

  • 'Well, it must be removed,' said the King very decidedly, and he called the Queen, who

  • was passing at the moment, 'My dear! I wish you would have this cat removed!'

  • The Queen had only one way of settling all difficulties, great or small. 'Off with his

  • head!' she said, without even looking round.

  • 'I'll fetch the executioner myself,' said the King eagerly, and he hurried off.

  • Alice thought she might as well go back, and see how the game was going on, as she heard

  • the Queen's voice in the distance, screaming with passion. She had already heard her sentence

  • three of the players to be executed for having missed their turns, and she did not like the

  • look of things at all, as the game was in such confusion that she never knew whether

  • it was her turn or not. So she went in search of her hedgehog.

  • The hedgehog was engaged in a fight with another hedgehog, which seemed to Alice an excellent

  • opportunity for croqueting one of them with the other: the only difficulty was, that her

  • flamingo was gone across to the other side of the garden, where Alice could see it trying

  • in a helpless sort of way to fly up into a tree.

  • By the time she had caught the flamingo and brought it back, the fight was over, and both

  • the hedgehogs were out of sight: 'but it doesn't matter much,' thought Alice, 'as all the arches

  • are gone from this side of the ground.' So she tucked it away under her arm, that it

  • might not escape again, and went back for a little more conversation with her friend.

  • When she got back to the Cheshire Cat, she was surprised to find quite a large crowd

  • collected round it: there was a dispute going on between the executioner, the King, and

  • the Queen, who were all talking at once, while all the rest were quite silent, and looked

  • very uncomfortable.

  • The moment Alice appeared, she was appealed to by all three to settle the question, and

  • they repeated their arguments to her, though, as they all spoke at once, she found it very

  • hard indeed to make out exactly what they said.

  • The executioner's argument was, that you couldn't cut off a head unless there was a body to

  • cut it off from: that he had never had to do such a thing before, and he wasn't going

  • to begin at HIS time of life.

  • The King's argument was, that anything that had a head could be beheaded, and that you

  • weren't to talk nonsense.

  • The Queen's argument was, that if something wasn't done about it in less than no time

  • she'd have everybody executed, all round. (It was this last remark that had made the

  • whole party look so grave and anxious.)

  • Alice could think of nothing else to say but 'It belongs to the Duchess: you'd better ask

  • HER about it.'

  • 'She's in prison,' the Queen said to the executioner: 'fetch her here.'

  • And the executioner went off like an arrow.

  • The Cat's head began fading away the moment he was gone, and,

  • by the time he had come back with the Duchess, it had entirely

  • disappeared; so the King and the executioner ran wildly up and down

  • looking for it, while the rest of the party went back to the game.

  • End of Chapter

Chapter 8 The Queen's Croquet-Ground

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