10. Chili Peppers

Chili peppers are usually reserved for pizzas, curries, and rock stars wearing nothing but

strategically-placed tube socks. Though most would consider them an addition to food at

most, solely reserved for making food slightly more manly these bad boys should be the main

course. They have more Vitamin C than oranges; in fact, they contain more Vitamin C than

any other food, containing your entire recommended daily allowance per pepper!

9. Horse Meat

Although current events have made it sound a little macabre, horse meat isn’t anything

new. Not to mention that the animal gives meat that’s leaner than virtually every

other meat available on the market, as well as being far cheaper. Then again, we’ve

all seen War Horse; could you really eat an animal that may have been related to a war

hero? If so, good for you, you’ve made a sound health decision. Enjoy your horse energy

and potential warrior-soul-infused steak.

8. Watermelon

Watermelon is usually seen as a summer snack, nothing more than an alternative to giving

their kids the candy they’d obviously prefer. But watermelon is chock full of iron. How

much, you ask? More than freaking spinach. Popeye, you’ve been lying to yourself all

these years.

7. Almonds

Almonds, AKA what marzipan is supposed to taste like, are definitely something you should

eat more of; they contain unsaturated fats, tons of vitamins, and more fiber than you

shake a stick at. They contain so much fiber, in fact, you’ll be unable to do anything

except muse on how you can now set a watch to your stool.

6. Basil

If you’re not putting basil in everything you cook, up to and including cereal, cakes,

and bacon, you should start. Because it’s not just a yummy green thing; it contains

obscene amounts of Vitamins A and K, as well as tons of magnesium, which is so good for

your heart it’s legally considered the exact opposite of a shotgun blast.

5. Honey

Honey is perhaps nature’s perfect food, since it never goes bad, ever. Its powers

don’t stop there though, since it’s also nature’s antiseptic, meaning it can fix

everything from a burn to a sore throat. Health-wise, the list of things honey does is so long that

men should feel inadequate on principle while reading it.

4. Yeast Extract

Although it looks more like something you’d find holding 15-year-old wallpaper up, yeast

extract is so full of healthy stuff, it’s possible it turned brown to keep people from

learning about its true power. It contains enough Vitamin B to beat a piece of liver

to death four times over, and has almost the same amount of protein as chicken. Not too

shabby for brown paste you could easily mistake for something you stepped in.

3. Soy Sauce

Some people are wary of soy sauce because of MSG. Those people are idjits, and you should

feel no remorse for slapping them hard in the face. Soy sauce is loaded with vitamins

and minerals, and is a surprisingly effective antioxidant, so splashing it on everything

will only make you feel better as a person, as long as you buy the low-salt version.

2. Caviar

Although reserved for the rich, famous, and super-rich-and-famous (if mega caviar isn’t

available,) caviar is full of healthy goodness such as Vitamin B12, as well as being a status

food. Because being rich means you get to eat the unborn children of fish, pay more

than most people earn in a year for it, and still get health benefits, because screw you

poor people.

1. Chili Powder

It’s expected that fresh food is going to be good for you, which is why fresh chilies

were on this list. Apparently though, chilies are so damn healthy that, even when you process

the hell out of them and put them into an inferior powdered form, they’ve still got

more vitamin E in them than spinach. And thank god, because we simply could not end this

article without digging the knife a little deeper into Popeye’s heart.