with the sound of heavy explosion.

把我從睡夢中吵醒

It was deep at night.

那時已經很晚了

I do not remember what time it was.

我不記得確切的時間

I just remember the sound

我只記得那聲音

was so heavy

是如此的響亮

and so very shocking.

如此的嚇人

Everything in my room was shaking --

我房間的東西都在晃動

my heart, my windows,

我的心, 我的窗戶

my bed, everything.

我的床 -- 每件東西

I looked out the windows

我望向窗外

and I saw a full half-circle

我看到一個完整的

of explosion.

半圓形的爆炸

I thought it was just like the movies,

我以為那只是電影,

but the movies had not conveyed them

但電影不足以表達出

in the powerful image that I was seeing

我所看到的這個強大的影像--

full of bright red

那鮮艷的紅色

and orange and gray,

橙色和灰色

and a full circle of explosion.

和完整的爆炸情景

And I kept on staring at it

我目不轉睛的看著

until it disappeared.

直到他消失在我的眼前

I went back to my bed,

我回到床上

and I prayed,

然後禱告

and I secretly thanked God

而我偷偷的感謝上帝

that that missile

那枚導彈

did not land on my family's home,

沒有墜落在我家

that it did not kill my family that night.

那天晚上我的家人沒有因此而死去

Thirty years have passed,

三十年過去了

and I still feel guilty about that prayer,

我仍然對那次的禱告感到罪惡

for the next day, I learned that that missile

隔天我才知道, 那枚導彈

landed on my brother's friend's home

墜落在我哥哥的朋友家

and killed him

殺害了他

and his father,

和他的爸爸

but did not kill his mother or his sister.

但沒有殺死他媽媽或姊妹

His mother showed up the next week

一個禮拜後,

at my brother's classroom

他媽媽去我哥哥的教室

and begged seven-year-old kids

拜託那些七歲大的孩子

to share with her any picture they may have

跟她分享他們擁有的

of her son,

任何一張她兒子的照片

for she had lost everything.

因為她失去了一切

This is not a story

這不只是個

of a nameless survivor of war,

默默無名戰後倖存者的故事

and nameless refugees,

或是我們在報紙上看到的

whose stereotypical images we see in our newspapers

那些默默無名 一成不變的難民照片

and our TV

或是在電視上看到

with tattered clothes,

衣衫襤褸的難民

dirty face, scared eyes.

他們汙穢的臉和害怕的眼神

This is not a story of a nameless someone

這不只是個生活在某個戰爭

who lived in some war,

某個無姓名的人的故事

who we do not know their hopes, their dreams,

我們不清楚他們的希望, 他們的夢想

their accomplishments, their families,

他們的成就, 他們的家人

their beliefs, their values.

他們的信仰 他們的價值觀

This is my story.

這是我的故事

I was that girl.

我就是那個女孩

I am another image and vision

我是那另一個影像和角度

of another survivor of war.

的另一個戰後倖存者

I am that refugee,

我就是那個難民

and I am that girl.

而我就是那個女孩

You see,

事實上,

I grew up in war-torn Iraq,

我在飽受戰爭蹂躪的伊拉克長大

and I believe that there are two sides of wars

我相信戰爭是兩面性的

and we've only seen

而我們只看到

one side of it.

其中的一面而已

We only talk about

我們只討論

one side of it.

其中的一面

But there's another side

但我親眼看到

that I have witnessed

有人在戰爭的另一面裡

as someone who lived in it

生活著

and someone who ended up working in it.

工作著

I grew up with the colors of war --

我在戰爭的色彩中成長

the red colors of fire and blood,

砲火和血液的紅色

the brown tones of earth

大地在爆炸時的

as it explodes

棕色色彩

in our faces

映在我們的臉上

and the piercing silver

而爆炸的導彈

of an exploded missile,

所散發出刺眼的銀色

so bright

如此的閃亮

that nothing can protect your eyes from it.

沒有任何東西能保護你的眼睛不去看到

I grew up

我在戰爭的聲響中

with the sounds of war --

長大

the staccato sounds of gunfire,

斷斷續續的槍擊聲

the wrenching booms of explosions,

猛烈的隆隆砲彈聲

ominous drones of jets flying overhead

噴射機的嗡嗡聲在上空飛來飛去

and the wailing warning sounds

和氣笛所發出的

of sirens.

尖嘯警告聲

These are the sounds you would expect,

這些都是你預料得到的聲響

but they are also the sounds

但也有些聲音是

of dissonant concerts of a flock of birds

一群鳥在夜空中

screeching in the night,

不一致的尖叫著

the high-pitched honest cries

孩子們誠實的

of children

高八度哭著

and the thunderous,

和強而有力

unbearable

卻令人無法忍受的

silence.

安靜

"War," a friend of mine said,

“戰爭,“ 我的一位友人說,

"is not about sound at all.

“和聲音沒有太大關係."

It is actually about silence,

事實上, 戰爭是關於靜默

the silence of humanity."

人類對戰爭所表現出的靜默

I have since left Iraq

我離開伊拉克以後

and founded a group called Women for Women International

成立了 Women for Women International 組織

that ends up working

開始幫助

with women survivors of wars.

戰爭後的女性倖存者

In my travels and in my work,

在我的旅程和工作中

from Congo to Afghanistan,

從剛果到阿富汗

from Sudan to Rwanda,

從蘇丹到盧安達

I have learned not only

我不只看到

that the colors and the sounds of war are the same,

戰爭的色彩和聲音相同

but the fears of war are the same.

但對於戰爭的恐懼都是相同的

You know, there is a fear of dying,

你知道, 那些對於死亡的恐懼

and do not believe any movie character

不要相信任何電影演員表現出來的什麼

where the hero is not afraid.

英雄絕不會害怕死亡

It is very scary

經歷那種

to go through that feeling

“我快要死去“

of "I am about to die"

或“我也許會在這場爆炸中死去“的感覺

or "I could die in this explosion."

是一件令人害怕的事情

But there's also the fear

但我想

of losing loved ones,

害怕失去摯愛的恐懼

and I think that's even worse.

恐怕更糟

It's too painful. You don't want to think about it.

痛到你甚至不願去想起

But I think the worst kind of fear is the fear --

可是 我想最恐怖的恐懼恐怕是

as Samia, a Bosnian woman, once told me,

像Samia, 一位在塞拉耶佛四年的圍攻中生存下來的玻茲尼亞女人

who survived the four-years besiege of Sarajevo;

和我敘說的那種恐懼

she said, "The fear

她說：“那種失去

of losing

自我的

the 'I' in me,

恐懼,

the fear of losing

失去自我的

the 'I' in me."

恐懼。"

That's what my mother in Iraq

那是我在伊拉克的媽媽

used to tell me.

以前常告訴我的話

It's like dying from inside-out.

就像是從內到外的死去

A Palestinian woman once told me,

一位巴勒斯坦女人有一次告訴我,

"It is not about the fear of one death,"

“那不只是死去一次的恐懼而已,"

she said, "sometimes I feel

在她形容軍人的行軍

I die 10 times in one day,"

和他們子彈的聲音時,

as she was describing the marches of soldiers

她說,"有的時候我覺得

and the sounds of their bullets.

我在一天之中死了十次。"

She said, "But it's not fair,

而她說："但這一切並不公平,

because there is only one life,

因為人一生只有一次生命,

and there should only be one death."

所以應該只有一次死亡而已, 不是嗎？“

We have been only seeing

到目前為止 我們只看到

one side of war.

戰爭的其中一面

We have only been discussing and consumed

我們至今只討論和著迷於

with high-level preoccupations

如何在軍事上佔領越來越多

over troop levels, drawdown timelines,

的領土, 計畫作戰時間

surges and sting operations,

如何增兵和臥底行動

when we should be examining the details

當我們應該調查

of where the social fabric

在社會架構的細節裡

has been most torn,

哪裡被分裂最嚴重

where the community has improvised

哪裡的社區是臨時形成的

and survived

及倖存者

and shown acts of resilience

及其表現出的恢復力

and amazing courage

和驚人的勇氣

just to keep life going.

就只為了讓生活繼續過下去

We have been so consumed

我們只著迷在

with seemingly objective discussions

政治,戰術

of politics, tactics,

武器,金錢

weapons, dollars

戰爭裡的傷亡人員

and casualties.

等表面上客觀的討論

This is the language

這是個內容匱乏

of sterility.

的溝通方式

How casually

在這個議題上

we treat casualties

我們對待戰爭的傷亡人員

in the context of this topic.

態度是如此的輕率

This is where we conceive of rape and casualties

因此我們認為強暴和戰爭的傷亡人員

as inevitabilities.

是不可逃避的責任

Eighty percent of refugees around the world

世界上80%的難民

are women and children. Oh.

是女人和小孩--喔

Ninety percent of modern war casualties

90%的戰爭傷亡者

are civilians.

是平民老百姓

Seventy-five percent of them are women and children.

其中75%是女人和小孩

How interesting.

多麼有趣的話題呀

Oh, half a million women in Rwanda

喔, 在盧安達 五十萬的女性

get raped in 100 days.

在一百天之內遭到強暴

Or, as we speak now,

或者, 在我們現在在講話的同時

hundreds of thousands of Congolese women

數以千計的剛果女人

are getting raped and mutilated.

正遭到強暴和凌虐

How interesting.

多麼有趣呀

These just become numbers that we refer to.

這些只不過變成我們參考的數字而已

The front of wars

在戰爭前線

is increasingly non-human eyes

越來越多的衛星從太空中

peering down on our perceived enemies

向下凝視著

from space,

我們已知的敵人們

guiding missiles toward unseen targets,

指引著導彈前往看不見的攻擊目標

while the human conduct

就在人們為了

of the orchestra of media relations

為了媒體而擁有的表演中

in the event that this particular drone attack

這個特定的無人駕駛武器攻擊

hits a villager

沒打到激烈分子

instead of an extremist.

反而打到一個無辜的村民

It is a chess game.

這是場西洋棋比賽

You learn to play an international relations school

你學習去玩一場國際關係的遊戲

on your way out and up

在你離開的時候

to national and international leadership.

學習迎合國內和國際的領導者

Checkmate.

將軍，遊戲結束

We are missing

我們缺少了

a completely other side of wars.

戰爭另一面的完整面貌

We are missing my mother's story,

我們缺少了我媽媽的故事

who made sure with every siren, with every raid,

在每次的警笛聲, 每次的空襲, 每次的斷電

with every cut off-of electricity,

她都在那裡保護著我們

she played puppet shows for my brothers and I,

她為了我和我哥哥表演木偶秀

so we would not be scared

讓我們不會對爆炸的聲音

of the sounds of explosions.

感到害怕

We are missing the story of Fareeda,

我們缺少了Fareeda 的故事

a music teacher,

她是位音樂老師

a piano teacher, in Sarajevo,

一位在塞拉耶佛的鋼琴老師

who made sure

在塞拉耶佛四年裡的圍攻行動裡

that she kept the music school open

她日復一日

every single day

堅持開放著

in the four years of besiege in Sarajevo

自己的音樂學校

and walked to that school,

在整個戰爭期間

despite the snipers shooting

不管狙擊兵拿著槍

at that school and at her,

瞄準她和學校

and kept the piano, the violin, the cello

她依然走到學校

playing the whole duration of the war,

讓學生戴著手套,帽子, 穿著外套

with students wearing their gloves and hats and coats.

演奏著鋼琴,小提琴,大提琴

That was her fight.

這是屬於她的戰爭

That was her resistance.

這是她對於戰爭的抵抗

We are missing the story of Nehia,

我們缺少了Nehia 的故事

a Palestinian woman in Gaza

一個在加薩的巴勒斯坦女人

who, the minute there was a cease-fire in the last year's war,

在去年開始的戰爭停火的那一瞬間

she left out of home,

她離開了家

collected all the flour

收集所有的麵粉

and baked as much bread for every neighbor to have,

烤了許多的麵包分配給鄰居們

in case there is no cease-fire the day after.

就怕接下來可能會繼續打仗

We are missing

我們缺少了

the stories of Violet,

Violet的故事

who, despite surviving genocide in the church massacre,

她不管自己才剛從教堂的集體大屠殺中生存下來

she kept on going on,

她仍繼續埋葬屍體

burying bodies, cleaning homes, cleaning the streets.

整理家園, 打掃街道

We are missing stories of women

我們缺少了那些在戰火中

who are literally keeping life going

仍然努力生活著的女人們

in the midst of wars.

的故事

Do you know --

你知道--

do you know that people fall in love in war

你知道仍有些人是在戰時相愛

and go to school

去上學

and go to factories and hospitals

仍然去工廠和醫院工作

and get divorced and go dancing and go playing

離婚,跳舞,玩樂

and live life going?

努力生活著的嗎？

And the ones who are keeping that life

而努力那樣生活著的

are women.

都是女人

There are two sides of war.

戰爭是兩面性的

There is a side that fights,

一面是在戰場上打仗

and there is a side that keeps the schools

而另一面則是開放學校

and the factories and the hospitals open.

工廠和醫院給有需要的人們的

There is a side that is focused on winning battles,

一面是專注在如何在戰場上打勝仗

and there is a side that is focused

而另一面是專注在

on winning life.

如何讓生活變得更好

There is a side that leads the front-line discussion,

一面是讓我們討論著前方的作戰策略

and there is a side

另一面是讓我們

that leads the back-line discussion.

討論後方的生活策略

There is a side that thinks

一面是覺得

that peace is the end of fighting,

不打仗了就是和平

and there is a side that thinks

但另一面則是認為

that peace is the arrival

所謂的和平

of schools and jobs.

就是能安全的抵達學校和工作地點

There is a side

有一面是由

that is led by men,

男人來主導的

and there is a side

而有一面

that is led by women.

是由女人來掌管的

And in order for us to understand

為了讓我們能夠更加了解

how do we build lasting peace,

我們要如何建立長久的和平

we must understand war and peace

我們必須從兩邊去了解

from both sides.

戰爭與和平

We must have a full picture

我們必須全面性的去了解

of what that means.

其背後真正的意義

In order for us to understand

為了讓我們了解

what actually peace means,

何謂真正的和平

we need to understand,

我們必須去了解

as one Sudanese woman once told me,

就如同一位蘇丹女人跟我說的,

"Peace is the fact that my toenails

“對我而言, 所謂的和平是

are growing back again."

當我的腳指甲重新長回來的時候。“

She grew up in Sudan, in Southern Sudan,

她在蘇丹南方長大

for 20 years of war,

20年間的戰爭

where it killed one million people

造成一百萬的人民死亡

and displaced five million refugees.