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  • Once we're over about 12 years old,

  • We're suddenly encouraged to be nice.

  • We're expected to make efforts in all kinds of areas,

  • Chiefly around work, but the idea of expending energy

  • thinking about and then practicing the art of niceness

  • sounds bizarre, even eerie.

  • That's why we've drawn up a checklist

  • of 10 virtues that we think matter more than ever in the modern age.

  • Resilience.

  • This is the art of keeping going,

  • even when things are looking dark;

  • of accepting reversals as normal;

  • of refusing to frighten others with one's own fears;

  • and of remembering that human nature

  • is, in the end, reassuringly tough.

  • Empathy.

  • The capacity to connect imaginatively

  • with the sufferings and unique experiences of another person.

  • The courage to become someone else

  • and look back at oneself with honesty.

  • Patience.

  • We lose our temper because we believe that things should be perfect.

  • We've grown so good in some areas like putting men on the moon,

  • we're ever less able to deal with things that still insist on going wrong:

  • traffic, government, and other people.

  • We should grow calmer and more forgiving

  • by getting more realistic

  • about how things actually tend to go.

  • Sacrifice.

  • We're hard-wired to seek our own advantage,

  • but also have this miraculous ability, very occasionally,

  • to forego our own satisfactions

  • in the name of someone or something else.

  • We won't ever manage to raise a family

  • love someone else or save the planet

  • if we don't keep up with the art of sacrifice.

  • Politeness.

  • Politeness has a bad name.

  • We often assume it's about being fake,

  • which is meant to be bad, as opposed to really ourselves,

  • which is meant to be good.

  • However, given what most of us are really like deep down,

  • we should spare others too much exposure to our deeper selves.

  • We need to learn manners, which aren't evil.

  • They're the necessary internal rules of civilization.

  • Politeness is very linked to tolerance;

  • to a capacity to live alongside people whom one won't necessarily agree with,

  • but at the same time, won't be able to avoid.

  • Humour.

  • Seeing the funny sides of situations and oneself

  • doesn't sound very serious, but its integral to wisdom,

  • because it's a sign that one's been able to put a benevolent finger

  • on the gap between what we want to happen

  • and what life can actually provide.

  • Like anger, humor springs from disappointment,

  • but its disappointment optimally channelled.

  • It's one of the best things we can do with our sadness

  • Self-awareness.

  • To know oneself is to try not to blame others for one's troubles and moods.

  • To have a sense of what's going on inside oneself

  • and what actually belongs to the world.

  • Forgiveness.

  • Forgiveness means a long memory

  • of all the times when we wouldn't have got through life

  • without someone cutting us some slack.

  • It's recognizing that living with others is impossible

  • without excusing errors.

  • Hope.

  • The way the world is now is only a pale shadow of what it could one day be.

  • We're still only at the beginning of history.

  • As you get older, despair becomes far easier, almost reflex,

  • whereas in adolescence it was still cool and adventurous.

  • Pessimism isn't necessarily deep; nor optimism shallow.

  • Confidence.

  • The greatest projects and schemes die

  • for no grander reason than that we don't dare.

  • Confidence isn't arrogance,

  • it's based on constant awareness of how short life is,

  • and how little we ultimately lose from risking everything.

  • Let's try to keep these in mind and practice them a little every day.

Once we're over about 12 years old,

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