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Translator: Thu-Huong Ha Reviewer: Youna Jung
讓我告訴各位一件我很苦惱的事
I'm going to tell you about an affliction I suffer from.
而且直覺告訴我,這裡不少人
And I have a funny feeling that quite a few of you
跟我一樣有這種苦惱
suffer from it as well.
當我在畫廊看畫的時候
When I'm walking around an art gallery,
走過一間又一間滿是畫作的房間
rooms and rooms full of paintings,
看了15到20分鐘後
after about 15 or 20 minutes,
我領悟到我其實沒有在看畫
I realize I'm not thinking about the paintings.
我對這些畫一點感覺也沒有
I'm not connecting to them.
我腦袋裡想著的其實是咖啡
Instead, I'm thinking about that cup of coffee
我亟需讓自己清醒
I desperately need to wake me up.
我的苦惱就是畫廊困倦症
I'm suffering from gallery fatigue.
這裡有多少人也有這種苦惱?
How many of you out there suffer from --
是吧!哈哈哈哈!
yes. Ha ha, ha ha!
那麼,有時候大概可以撐
Now, sometimes you might last longer
超過20分鐘,有時甚至撐不了那麼久
than 20 minutes, or even shorter,
但我想我們都有著這種苦惱
but I think we all suffer from it. And do you have
那你會伴隨著愧疚的感覺嗎?
the accompanying guilt?
對我來說,當我看著牆上的畫作
For me, I look at the paintings on the wall
我想,某個人決定要把這些畫掛在牆上
and I think, somebody has decided to put them there,
想著,這些畫是値得掛出來的
thinks they're good enough to be on that wall,
但我不見得看得懂好在哪裡
but I don't always see it.
事實上,絕大部分時間我都看不懂
In fact, most of the time I don't see it.
所以我離開畫廊時很不開心
And I leave feeling actually unhappy.
我自覺內疚,不快樂
I feel guilty and unhappy with myself,
我認為我看不懂是因為我有問題
rather than thinking there's something wrong with the painting,
而不是這些畫有問題
I think there's something wrong with me.
所以像這樣離開畫廊的經驗很差
And that's not a good experience, to leave a gallery like that.
(笑聲)
(Laughter)
我認為我們應該對自己好一點
The thing is, I think we should give ourselves a break.
你想,如果你去了一家餐廳
If you think about going into a restaurant,
當你看菜單的時候,你會想去點
when you look at the menu, are you expected to order
菜單上的每一道菜嗎?
every single thing on the menu?
不會!你會選菜
No! You select.
如果你去百貨公司買襯衫
If you go into a department store to buy a shirt,
你會試穿店裡的每一件襯衫嗎?
are you going to try on every single shirt
而且每一件都買嗎?
and want every single shirt?
當然不會!你有所選擇,本應如此
Of course not, you can be selective. It's expected.
那爲什麼不行在
How come, then, it's not so expected
畫廊裡選擇性地看畫呢?
to be selective when we go to an art gallery?
憑什麼我們對每一幅畫都要有感覺?
Why are we supposed to have a connection with every single painting?
所以我試著用不同的方法
Well I'm trying to take a different approach.
我做兩件事
And there's two things I do:
我去畫廊的時候 我很快地先把畫廊走一遍
When I go into a gallery, first of all, I go quite fast,
把所有的畫都瀏覽一下 然後我選出幾幅
and I look at everything, and I pinpoint the ones
因為某些因素讓我想慢慢看的畫
that make me slow down for some reason or other.
我甚至不知道為什麼這些畫吸引我佇足
I don't even know why they make me slow down, but something
但是他們像磁鐵般吸住我的目光
pulls me like a magnet
然後我不再回顧其他的畫 就直接走去那幅我想看的
and then I ignore all the others, and I just go to that painting.
所以這是我先做的事 自己當博物館館長
So it's the first thing I do is, I do my own curation.
我先選一幅畫,可能是50選一
I choose a painting. It might just be one painting in 50.
然後第二件事是我站在那幅畫前
And then the second thing I do is I stand in front of that painting,
自己編一個有關這畫的故事
and I tell myself a story about it.
為什麼是一個故事?嗯,我想這是天生的
Why a story? Well, I think that we are wired,
我們的DNA告訴我們要講故事
our DNA tells us to tell stories.
我們總是拿各式題材說故事
We tell stories all the time about everything,
我認為我們之所以這麼做 是因為這是個瘋狂混亂的世界
and I think we do it because the world is kind of a crazy, chaotic place,
有時候我們用故事來讓這個世界更合理一點
and sometimes stories, we're trying to make sense of the world a little bit,
試著在混亂中找秩序
trying to bring some order to it.
為什麼不在看畫時如法炮製呢?
Why not apply that to our looking at paintings?
所以現在我就像在餐廳裡選菜一般
So I now have this sort of restaurant menu
選畫廊裡的畫
visiting of art galleries.
接下來我要展示三幅畫
There are three paintings I'm going to show you now
這些畫讓我駐足良久
that are paintings that made me stop in my tracks
想對人訴說他們的故事
and want to tell stories about them.
第一幅需要解釋一下它的背景
The first one needs little introduction --
揚‧維梅爾的「戴珍珠耳環的女孩」
"Girl with a Pearl Earring" by Johannes Vermeer,
他是十七世紀的荷蘭畫家
17th-century Dutch painter.
這是最棒的一幅
This is the most glorious painting.
我第一次看到這幅畫是十九歲
I first saw it when I was 19,
後來我馬上就去買了一張它的海報
and I immediately went out and got a poster of it,
其實我仍保留著那張海報 30年後我還把它掛在家裡
and in fact I still have that poster. 30 years later it's hanging in my house.
我搬到哪裡都要帶著它
It's accompanied me everywhere I've gone,
總是百看不厭
I never tire of looking at her.
一開始讓我在畫廊佇足欣賞這幅畫的理由
What made me stop in my tracks about her to begin with
只是因為他用了好漂亮的顏色
was just the gorgeous colors he uses
還有那映照在她臉上的光影
and the light falling on her face.
但是我想會讓我年復一年的回來看這幅畫
But I think what's kept me still coming back
一定有另外的原因
year after year is another thing, and that is
那就是她臉上的表情,充滿矛盾的表情
the look on her face, the conflicted look on her face.
我不知道她是快樂還是悲傷
I can't tell if she's happy or sad,
我每次看都有不同的結論
and I change my mind all the time.
所以這讓我一直回來看這幅畫
So that keeps me coming back.
在我買了那張海報16年後的某一天
One day, 16 years after I had this poster on my wall,
我躺在床上看著她
I lay in bed and looked at her,
我突然想著,到底
and I suddenly thought, I wonder what
畫家對她做了什麼 使她有那樣的表情
the painter did to her to make her look like that.
這是我第一次思考到
And it was the first time I'd ever thought that
她臉上的表情其實反映了
the expression on her face is actually reflecting
她對畫家的感情
how she feels about him.
在那之前,我僅僅把它視為一幅女孩的肖像
Always before I'd thought of it as a portrait of a girl.
現在我開始認為它在描繪一段關係
Now I began to think of it as a portrait of a relationship.
然後我就想,喔,那這是段什麼樣的關係?
And I thought, well, what is that relationship?
所以我就開始找答案,我發現
So I went to find out. I did some research and discovered,
我們對她一無所知
we have no idea who she is.
事實上,我們對維梅爾畫作裡的模特兒
In fact, we don't know who any of the models
都一無所知
in any of Vermeer's paintings are,
我們對維梅爾本身的瞭解也不多
and we know very little about Vermeer himself.
這讓我大呼,「妙極了!」
Which made me go, "Yippee!"
我可以盡情發揮編造出各式各樣的故事
I can do whatever I want, I can come up with whatever story I want to.
所以以下就是我編的故事
So here's how I came up with the story.
首先我認為
First of all, I thought,
我要想辦法讓她進到房子裡面
I've got to get her into the house.
維梅爾是如何認識她的呢?
How does Vermeer know her?
嗯,有人是這麼說的:
Well, there've been suggestions that
她是他12歲的女兒
she is his 12-year-old daughter.
他的女兒在他畫這幅畫時的確是12歲
The daughter at the time was 12 when he painted the painting.
然後我想,不對,這個表情的確很親密
And I thought, no, it's a very intimate look,
卻不是女兒看父親的那種親密
but it's not a look a daughter gives her father.
有件事情該提一下,在當時荷蘭的畫風是
For one thing, in Dutch painting of the time,
如果女模特兒的嘴巴張開,表示性引誘
if a woman's mouth was open, it was indicating sexual availability.
對維梅爾而言, 把女兒畫成那樣
It would have been inappropriate for Vermeer
的確很不妥當
to paint his daughter like that.
所以這不是他的女兒,而是一個
So it's not his daughter, but it's somebody
與他關係很親近,肉體關係很近的人
close to him, physically close to him.
還有誰可能在他的宅邸內呢?
Well, who else would be in the house?
僕人,一個漂亮的僕人
A servant, a lovely servant.
所以,她在房子裡
So, she's in the house.
那要如何讓她進到畫室裡呢?
How do we get her into the studio?
我們對維梅爾真的瞭解不多
We don't know very much about Vermeer,
但就我們所知的那一點點,有一件事我們的確知道
but the little bits that we do know, one thing we know
就是他與一位天主教女士結婚,他們與岳母同住在
is that he married a Catholic woman, they lived with her mother
一間有他專屬的房間的屋子裡
in a house where he had his own room
有他自己的畫室。他還有11個小孩
where he -- his studio. He also had 11 children.
這個房子大概很亂很吵吧
It would have been a chaotic, noisy household.
如果你看過維梅爾的畫
And if you've seen Vermeer's paintings before,
你會發現這些畫表現出不可思議的恬靜安詳
you know that they're incredibly calm and quiet.
一個畫家如何在有11個小孩圍繞的情況下 畫出如此恬靜安詳的畫?
How does a painter paint such calm, quiet paintings with 11 kids around?
他把他的生活分成好幾部分
Well, he compartmentalizes his life.
他到了畫室,他會說:「沒有人可以進來這裡。」
He gets to his studio, and he says, "Nobody comes in here.
「太太不能,小孩也不能,好吧!女僕可以進來打掃。」
Not the wife, not the kids. Okay, the maid can come in and clean."
女僕進到了畫室,他把她引進了畫室,他們在一起
She's in the studio. He's got her in the studio, they're together.
然後他決定畫一張她的肖樣
And he decides to paint her.
他讓她穿上非常普通的衣服。
He has her wear very plain clothes.
所有維梅爾畫裡的女人,或者是大部分的女人
Now, all of the women, or most of the women in Vermeer's other paintings
都穿著以非常昂貴的絨、絲、毛皮材質所做的衣服
wore velvet, silk, fur, very sumptuous materials.
而這件衣服非常普通,整張畫裡唯一上得了台面的
This is very plain; the only thing that isn't plain
是她的珍珠耳環
is her pearl earring.
如果她是女僕,她不可能買得起
Now, if she's a servant, there is no way she could afford
這樣一對珍珠耳環
a pair of pearl earrings.
所以這對耳環不是她的,那是誰的?
So those are not her pearl earrings. Whose are they?
剛好我們知道他太太凱薩琳娜的衣服清單中
We happen to know, there's a list of Catharina, the wife's clothes.
有一件帶有白色皮毛的黃大衣
Amongst them a yellow coat with white fur,
一件黃黑兩色的緊身馬甲
a yellow and black bodice,
你在他其他的畫作裡都看得到這些衣服
and you see these clothes on lots of other paintings,
維梅爾的畫作裡不同的女人穿著這些衣服
different women in the paintings, Vermeer's paintings.
所以很顯然,她的衣服借給不同的女人穿
So clearly, her clothes were lent to various different women.
所以如果說這女孩拿了他太太的耳環來戴
It's not such a leap of faith to take
也不是太不可思議的解釋吧
that that pearl earring actually belongs to his wife.
所以我們把故事的重要元素都湊齊了
So we've got all the elements for our story.
她與他在畫室裡獨處很長一段時間
She's in the studio with him for a long time.
這些畫要花很久時間來完成
These paintings took a long time to make.
他們可能經常獨處很長一段時間
They would have spent the time alone, all that time.
她戴著他太太的珍珠耳環
She's wearing his wife's pearl earring.
她很迷人,她顯然愛著他,但她也很矛盾
She's gorgeous. She obviously loves him. She's conflicted.
他太太知道嗎?大概不知道吧
And does the wife know? Maybe not.
如果她不知道,嗯......
And if she doesn't, well --
故事就這麼寫下去了
that's the story.
(笑聲)
(Laughter)
下一幅畫我要談一談
The next painting I'm going to talk about
夏丹的「堆卡片的男孩」
is called "Boy Building a House of Cards" by Chardin.
他是18世紀法國畫家,以靜物畫出名
He's an 18th-century French painter best known for his still lifes,
不過他偶爾也會畫人像
but he did occasionally paint people.
事實上,這幅畫他畫了四個版本
And in fact, he painted four versions of this painting,
不同版本裡的男孩都很專心地堆疊著
different boys building houses of cards, all concentrated.
我最喜歡這個版本,因為其他版本的男孩
I like this version the best, because some of the boys
不是太老就是太年輕。對我而言,這個
are older and some are younger, and to me, this one,
就像金髮小女孩的麥片粥(英語繪本童話)一樣,剛剛好
like Goldilocks's porridge, is just right.
他不太像是個小孩,卻又還不能算是個大人
He's not quite a child, and he's not quite a man.
他的樣子恰好展現出純真與老成間的平衡
He's absolutely balanced between innocence and experience,
這讓我佇足在這幅畫前觀賞
and that made me stop in my tracks in front of this painting.
我看著他的臉,有點像維梅爾的畫
And I looked at his face. It's like a Vermeer painting a bit.
他的臉沈浸在從左邊照過來的光線中
The light comes in from the left, his face is bathed
他就在這幅畫的中央
in this glowing light. It's right in the center of the painting,
而且你看,我發現當我看著他
and you look at it, and I found that when I was looking at it,
我居然站在那裡說著
I was standing there going,
看我!請看看我!
"Look at me. Please look at me."
但他沒有看我,他還是看著他的卡片
And he didn't look at me. He was still looking at his cards,
這就是這幅畫的誘人的要素之一
and that's one of the seductive elements of this painting is,
他是如此專心在手上的工作以致於看都不看我們一眼
he's so focused on what he's doing that he doesn't look at us.
這對我而言,是一幅畫的傑作的象徵
And that is, to me, the sign of a masterpiece,
尤其是當我們對這幅畫缺乏解答的時候
of a painting when there's a lack of resolution.
他永遠都不會看我一眼
He's never going to look at me.
所以我構思了一個故事
So I was thinking of a story where,
如果我是那個小男孩,誰會在那裡看我?
if I'm in this position, who could be there looking at him?
不是這位畫家,我不想去想這位畫家
Not the painter, I don't want to think about the painter.
我想的是這個男孩的大人版
I'm thinking of an older version of himself.
一個成年僕人,一個凝視著年輕一點的僕人的老一點的僕人
He's a man, a servant, an older servant looking at this younger servant,
說著:「看看我。我要警告你
saying, "Look at me. I want to warn you about
你將要經歷的人生。 請看看我。」
what you're about to go through. Please look at me."
但他並沒有因為這樣就看著他
And he never does.
這種無解的感覺,就像「戴珍珠的女孩」那種無解的感覺
And that lack of resolution, the lack of resolution in "Girl with a Pearl Earring" --
我們不知道她是喜還是悲
we don't know if she's happy or sad.
即使我已針對她寫了一整本小說
I've written an entire novel about her,
我仍然不知道她是喜還是悲
and I still don't know if she's happy or sad.
我一次又一次地回去看這幅畫
Again and again, back to the painting,
想找出答案,想找個故事來解釋這個缺口
looking for the answer, looking for the story to fill in that gap.
我們當然可以編個故事來暫時滿足自己
And we may make a story, and it satisfies us momentarily,
但卻沒有達到我們想要的效果,所以我們一次又一次地回來看
but not really, and we come back again and again.
我要談的最後一幅畫
The last painting I'm going to talk about
叫做「無名氏 」,畫家也是「無名氏 」(笑聲)
is called "Anonymous" by anonymous. (Laughter)
這幅都鐸時代的畫由英國國家肖像美術館買下
This is a Tudor portrait bought by the National Portrait Gallery.
他們原本以為這是詩人托馬斯·奧弗伯理爵士
They thought it was a man named Sir Thomas Overbury,
但是後來他們發現原來不是他
and then they discovered that it wasn't him,
而且他們也不知道這到底是誰
and they have no idea who it is.
所以,在國家肖像美術館裡
Now, in the National Portrait Gallery,
如果你不知道一幅畫的背景
if you don't know the biography of the painting,
對你而言這畫沒什麼用處
it's kind of useless to you.
這幅畫不能掛出來展覽,因為他們不知道他是誰
They can't hang it on the wall, because they don't know who he is.
所以很不幸地這幅「孤兒」畫 大部分時間都跟其他一樣為數不少的
So unfortunately, this orphan spends most of his time in storage,
「孤兒」畫一樣存放在儲藏室裡
along with quite a number of other orphans,
其中有些畫真的很漂亮
some of them some beautiful paintings.
這幅畫讓我停下來看的原因有三個
This painting made me stop in my tracks for three reasons:
第一是他嘴與眼的表情不一致
One is the disconnection between his mouth
他的嘴在微笑,但他的眼卻顯出哀愁
that's smiling and his eyes that are wistful.
他並不快樂,而他為什麼不快樂?
He's not happy, and why isn't he happy?
第二個很吸引我的原因
The second thing that really attracted me
是他亮紅色的雙頰
were his bright red cheeks.
他臉紅了。他因為被畫而臉紅
He is blushing. He's blushing for his portrait being made!
這個傢伙一定常常臉紅
This must be a guy who blushes all the time.
他到底想到什麼使他臉紅呢?
What is he thinking about that's making him blush?
第三個讓我停下腳步的原因
The third thing that made me stop in my tracks
是他那件非常華麗的上衣
is his absolutely gorgeous doublet.
絲綢,灰色,還有那些美麗的鈕扣
Silk, gray, those beautiful buttons.
你知道這些讓我想到什麼嗎?
And you know what it makes me think of,
它看起來又貼又蓬,好像床上鋪的羽絨被
is it's sort of snug and puffy; it's like a duvet spread over a bed.
我老是想到床和紅臉頰
I kept thinking of beds and red cheeks,
當然,當我看著他我也總是聯想到性
and of course I kept thinking of sex when I looked at him,
而且我在想,他是不是也在想這個?
and I thought, is that what he's thinking about?
然後我想,如果我要根據他寫個故事
And I thought, if I'm going to make a story,
我最後要寫的是什麼?
what's the last thing I'm going to put in there?
喔,都鐸時代的男性都在想什麼?
Well, what would a Tudor gentleman be preoccupied with?
我想到亨利八世
And I thought, well, Henry VIII, okay.
他也許每天都在想誰能繼承他的位子
He'd be preoccupied with his inheritance, with his heir.
誰將繼承他的名號及財富
Who is going to inherit his name and his fortune?
你如果把這些都放在一起,你的故事就可以
You put all those together, and you've got your story
填補讓你一直反覆回來看畫的那些缺口
to fill in that gap that makes you keep coming back.
那麼這就是我想到的故事
Now, here's the story.
很短
It's short.
「小紅玫」
"Rosy"
我仍然穿著卡洛琳送我的白色絲綢上衣
I am still wearing the white brocade doublet Caroline gave me.
它是件有著可拆式袖子的普通高領上衣
It has a plain high collar, detachable sleeves
還有著以絲線纏扭出的精緻鈕扣
and intricate buttons of twisted silk thread,
縫得很密,所以很貼身
set close together so that the fit is snug.
這件緊身上衣使我想起床上的床罩
The doublet makes me think of a coverlet on the vast bed.
或許這就是她的意圖吧
Perhaps that was the intention.
我第一次穿它是在她父母為我們舉辦的豪華晚宴上
I first wore it at an elaborate dinner her parents held in our honor.
我知道在我站起來發言之前
I knew even before I stood up to speak
我的雙頰紅得像火
that my cheeks were inflamed.
我總是很容易臉紅,不論是因為體力消耗
I have always flushed easily, from physical exertion,
喝酒,還是情緒激動
from wine, from high emotion.
就因為我是個男孩,所以我的姊妹及男生同學都嘲笑我
As a boy, I was teased by my sisters and by schoolboys,
但是喬治卻沒有
but not by George.
只有喬治能叫我小紅玫
Only George could call me Rosy.
我不讓別人這樣叫我
I would not allow anyone else.
他的叫法讓這個字聽起來很柔和
He managed to make the word tender.
當我宣佈訂婚的消息時,喬治並沒有臉紅
When I made the announcement, George did not
相反的,卻蒼白的像我的上衣
turn rosy, but went pale as my doublet.
他不應該驚訝的
He should not have been surprised.
大家都覺得很理所當然
It has been a common assumption
有一天我會娶他的表妹
that I would one day marry his cousin.
但聽到正式宣佈這消息卻依然很難接受
But it is difficult to hear the words aloud.
我瞭解,我也很難啟齒
I know, I could barely utter them.
之後我在能俯視廚房菜園的陽台上找到了喬治
Afterwards, I found George on the terrace overlooking the kitchen garden.
儘管喝了一下午的酒,他看起來仍然蒼白
Despite drinking steadily all afternoon, he was still pale.
我們站在一起看著女僕切萵苣菜
We stood together and watched the maids cut lettuces.
我問:「你喜歡我的緊身上衣嗎?」
"What do you think of my doublet?" I asked.
他瞧了我一眼說:「這個領子會掐死你。」
He glanced at me. "That collar looks to be strangling you."
我很堅定地說:「我們還是可以見面的。」
"We will still see each other," I insisted.
「我們還是可以一起打獵、玩牌、去宮廷。
"We can still hunt and play cards and attend court.
一切如舊。」
Nothing need change."
喬治沒有說什麼
George did not speak.
「我已經23歲了,是該結婚了,
"I am 23 years old. It is time for me to marry
也該生個子嗣繼承家業,這是大家的期望。」
and produce an heir. It is expected of me."
喬治喝乾了另一杯紅酒,轉身面對我
George drained another glass of claret and turned to me.
「恭喜你要結婚了,詹姆士。
"Congratulations on your upcoming nuptials, James.
我深信你倆會很幸福。」
I'm sure you'll be content together."
從此他不再叫我的小名
He never used my nickname again.
謝謝
Thank you.
(掌聲)
(Applause)
謝謝大家
Thank you.
(掌聲)
(Applause)