Between both of us,

we've gotten more press over tripping and falling

than anyone in history.

I know, I know.

I fell in every single city on the press tour

I fell around the world.

I fell around the world, and have the bruises.

Yeah, hahaha.

And people think it's a schtick but it's not

Well, yeah.

That's what.. I was doing another talk show

that I won't mentioned

Wow, please, we're the only one that exists.

And I was like waving to the audience

And they wanted to talk about falling

but I don't wanna do it

cause I'm afraid people will think it's like a schtick

and it actually makes me kind of mad when it happens.

Oh, it's not fun to fall.

It's not fun, it's embarrassing.

And now at this point, it's so embarrassing

and so I was like 'No, I don't want to talk about it'

and then, I came out and waved to the audience

like 'Oh, hi!'

And then my heel slipped, I didn't fall but I had like a..

And I made em cut it out of the show!

Yeah, everyone's like 'hahaha, we got you again!'

And you'll never know which show it was!

' You fall all the time!'

Yesterday on the plane, I spilled yogurt all over the plane.

and the whole plane smelled like sour milk the whole time

You're welcome

You're fun to hang out!

Yeah, haha!

I'm just concerned, I just don't want you to be hurt.

I'm a good babysitter.

No, my god, you are so fun to hang out.

People trust me with kids.

You are so fun.

Do you remember when we hung out once,

and we embarrassed ourselves in front of Jennifer Lopez?

Oh yeah, I remember.

Because we wanted her to dance with us

She wouldn't.

and she just wouldn't dance with us.

Yeah.

I think everybody thinks that they've witnessed

my most embarrassing moments

cause I fell on my face getting an Oscar

and then I fell the next year on a cone

Hahaha!

audience laughing

But like,

there are these two really humiliating stories

that are my most embarrassing moments

that I never talked about

because it is so genuinely embarrassing

But now I feel like

the statue of limitations on humiliation is up, and I'm ready.

Which one, let's get us to hear one of them.

My most embarrassing moment um was

during Silver Linings year, like awards season

it was one of those parties like HU HU HU HU.

Yeah!

And so I'm just like in a corner drinking champaign like ERR.

An older woman approached me and was being really really nice

really complimentary

and in my head I just went, 'This is Elizabeth Taylor!'

who was dead at the time

who's still dead

Sorry, she's since passed, I didn't know that

and so the older woman was just talking to me

I was like 'Oh my god, this is Elizabeth Taylor!'

No, no! Oh my god!

But you didn't say anything, did you?

Yeah, so she's complimenting me

She is complimenting me

I was like 'me?! No, it's you!'

'Your movies that I can't name,

and your fashion moments that I don't know!'

I was like, 'You are unbelievable!'

And then my friend walked by and I grabbed her

and I was like, 'This is Elizabeth Taylor!!'

and she was like. '.....No it's not.'

Hahahaha!

And I just took off running

There have been two social situations where I just like go 'Uh!'

And then I just sprinted and my shoes fell off and I hid behind like this wall.

Yeah, there's smoke coming out off your shoes

like 'Wooooo, bye Elizabeth!'

Yeah, no it's not her!

Second,

cause I really really wanna plow through these things

and get them over with

No, we like hearing these things

Um, I always talk so fast

cause I'm used to my brothers just being like

'Finish! Finish! Shut up!'

No, please.

I feel like nobody wants to hear me talk.

I wanna hear, I wanna hear.

Here.

audience laughing

Yogurt just came out of your nose.

Hahaha

Oh my god, so much phlegm

Oh my god, hahaha, tell me the other...

And this isn't even an embarrassing moment for me

No, this is fun!

I got a lot of phlegm. This is normal

Yeah, phlegm is cool

Whatever.

Umm, so I'm in Paris for the first time.

again for movies and fufufu

and so I was in like one of those cool Tom Ford dresses with the zips

and everything

Sure.

And I saw Francis Ford Coppola

but it actually was Francis Ford Coppola

Haha, it really was him.

Maybe you just keep hanging out in like wax museums

so 'I was hanging out with Abraham Lincoln,

he was by George Washington, he was there too

I had tea with the pope

I was the only drinking

I was the only one who had tea

It really was Francis Ford Coppola

It really was Francis Ford Coppola

Godfather, I mean, come on he is popular

Yeah, so I was like debated the whole time

like 'Do I go up to him? Do I not go up....'

And then finally

I was like, 'I have to or l'll regret it for the rest of my life'

And this is at a restaurant?

At a restaurant in Paris, and he's with

a giant group of people and they take out most of the...

I mean, it's a huge table of people.

And I started walking, and I noticed I was barefoot

but I was like 'Umm, maybe they probably won't notice'

and so I'm barefoot

And then I introduced myself, and I was like 'I'm such a huge fan of Godfather! Wow'

and went on and introduced myself to the whole table like,

'hi, I'm Jennifer Lawrence,' and they had no idea who I was.

Went back to my table, my entire dress was unzipped

and my thong was out.

audience laughing

So i was barefoot and my whole ass was out

audience laughing

Does that just happen? I didn't know that happened with dresses

It was like.... I don't know

The side.

Yeah, I was making room for my gut

and I unzipped the whole thing then forgot

so I thought it was the shoes that were gonna be the problem

You thought they were impressed with meeting you

-and then I walk away 　-and they were like

equally impressive!

Yeah, they were like: wow, hey! That's fantastic

What a jerk!

Hahahaha!

They thought the whole was a joke

We always talk about... I met... my worst moment

I met Clark Davis

so I'll make this quick.

I saw him again at a big table.

Hurry, hurry, hurry.

Yeah, he was at a table he was sitting there

i should say Hi. it's Clive Davis

so I went over and there's a big table with a group of people

I went over and 'Hi, Clark, I'm Jimmy Fallon.'

And then he goes like.....

So I go 'Does he want me to kiss him on the cheek?'

so I went and I kissed him

And he was like 'WHAT?'

and I go 'What?'

And this is whoever he was with was like, 'He couldn't hear what you are saying.'

I was like 'Oh....' Hahahaha

Hold on, I'm so sorry

I kissed him and I never met him or talked to him ever again