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BUT FIRST, THERE'S BREAKING NEWS IN THE CASE
OF L.A. CLIPPERS OWNER DONALD STERLING.
HE HAS COME UNDER FIRE FOR HIS THOUGHTS ON THE
INSTAGRAM-ABILITY OF -- OF I GUESS YOU WOULD CALL IT
GIRLFRIEND AND BLACK PERSON FRIENDSHIP.
>> EFFECTIVE IMMEDIATELY, I AM BANNING MR. STERLING FOR LIFE.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Jon: YES!
>> FROM ANY ASSOCIATION WITH THE CLIPPERS ORGANIZATION OR THE
NBA.
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] ♪
>> Jon: WOW.
SO MUCH EXCITEMENT OUT THERE.
SO MUCH EXCITEMENT OUT THERE FROM THE ENTIRE WORLD AND EVEN
APPARENTLY THE PAST.
[ LAUGHTER ]
IT'S GOOD TO SEE THE DISTINCTION BETWEEN FREE SPEECH AND
CONSEQUENCE FREE SPEECH.
MY GUESS IS THIS IS NOT THE DEATH NELL FOR THIS COUNTRY'S
LONG AND PROUD TRADITION OF CRAZY TALK.
>> IF I WERE IN CHARGE -- [LAUGHTER]
[CHEERS AND APPLAUSE] >> Jon: ALL I CAN SAY THERE
IS THANK GOD THAT IS A HYPOTHETICAL.
>> THEY WOULD KNOW THAT WATERBOARDING IS HOW WE BAPTIZE
TERRORISTS.
[LAUGHTER] >> JON: HUH?
THAT IS SARAH PALIN GIVING A SPEECH WHERE SHE IS SOMEHOW
CONFLATING A SACRAMENT OF HER FAITH
WITH TORTURE IN ORDER TO SOMEHOW BRING THE FEAR OF GOD TO
RELIGIOUS EXTREMISTS.
[ LAUGHTER ] I DON'T EVEN -- WHERE IS THAT
SPEECH EVEN APPROPRIATE AT AN AL QAEDA RECRUITMENT HOW-TO VIDEO
WORKSHOP?
AT THE YEARLY GATHERING OF THE DUMMOLOS OR MAYBE SHE'S GIVING
ONE OF THOSE FAMED HUH TALKS.
THEY ARE LIKE TED TALKS EXCEPT THEY MAKE NO SENSE.
WELL, SO -- TED TALKS.
[LAUGHTER] SO, WHAT ELSE DID THE FORMER
VICE PRESIDENTIAL CANDIDATE OF ONE OF TWO MAJOR NATIONAL
PARTIES TELL WHOEVER IT IS SHE IS TALKING TO.
>> JOE BIDEN, REMEMBER THIS HE TELLING WOMEN BEFORE AN ASSAULT
JUST A FIRE WARNING SHOT UNTIL THE COPS SHOW UP.
JUST AIM UP IN THE AIR.
THAT WAS HIS DIRECTIVE.
HIS ADVICE.
WELL FINE, JOE SQUIRT GUN, IF YOUR RAPIST IS A BIRD.
[LAUGHTER] >> Jon: SHE SEEMS NICE.
[LAUGHTER] SO I SEE.
WELL, THE FORMER ALASKA GOVERNOR WITH A CLEAR AND QUITE RYE
REFERENCE TO THE WELL KNOWN GREEK MYTH LEDA AND THE SWAN.
ZEUS IN THE FORM OF A SWAN FORCED HIMSELF ON LEDA
DAUGHTER OF THESTIUS, KING OF AETOLIA LEADING TO THE BIRTH OF
HELEN OF TROY YADA YADA YADA SMASH CUT CHRISTOPHER COLUMBUS
DISCOVERS AMERICA AND THUS THE
FOUNDING FATHERS CREATE THE GREATEST COUNTRY GOD HAS EVER
GIVEN TO THE PEOPLE OF EARTH.
WELL PLAYED, GOVERNOR, YOU DO READ, ALL OF THEM.