Donald Trump is running for president.

And I don't know if you've heard,

but he's made a few bold promises.

We're gonna knock out ISIS. We're gonna knock 'em out.

I know how to build.

And that wall is going to be a real wall.

We're gonna repeal Obamacare.

We are going to replace Obamacare

with something so much better.

And there are so many examples of it.

I'm really a good businessman. I'm so good at business. Oh!

You people are gonna be so rich so fast, you don't even...

(cheering and applause)

Oh! Look how much it's hurting him.

He's so... he's so good at business,

he's getting a business migraine.

"Oh! I'm so good at business."

Oh, he's suffering for you, America.

"Oh, I'm so good at business. Oh."

But for once... I will admit that Trump actually...

He-he does know what he's talking about, you know?

He says he wants to replace Obamacare.

Well, guess what, he actually has health care experience,

and it comes from a business that he ran

and it was called the Trump Network.

I want you and your family to benefit

from our breakthrough health and wellness products.

The Trump Network wants to give millions of people

renewed hope and with an exciting plan

to opt out of the recession!

Why are you always shouting?!

You're only two feet away from the camera!

We can hear you!

You don't have to shout like that!

We have microphones for a reason!

This guy must be a nightmare.

Can you imagine pillow talk with Donald Trump?

"Say something roman..."

"You look so beautiful right now!"

And, also, selling health supplements.

Yeah, that-that sounds legit.

Who better to take health advice from than a man

with this picture-perfect physique? Yes, yes.

The point is... the point is we can look at the Trump Network

for an example of how Donald Trump runs a health care system.

And, my friends, it's so simple.

The concept wasn't really revolutionary.

Companies like Mary Kay have sold products

through what's called multilevel marketing for years.

Those at the top tend to reap the most benefits.

One person recruits three friends

who recruits three friends and on down the line.

Right. So-so, basically, uh, you pay a large fee up front

to join and then you enlist your friends

and then they enlist their friends and so on and so on.

Think of it as a pyramid-shaped business opportunity.

Yeah, yeah, yeah.

Now, you might be wondering, uh, what sort

of amazing health products was Trump pushing

through this network. Well, there was something

for everyone, uh, like a brand of healthy kids' snacks

called Snazzle Snaxxs, with two Xs,

so you know it's poison!

Snazzle Snaxxs!

It sounds like a dog treat you buy for a dog

that's also a stripper. Just like a...

"She's working her way through obedience school.

Please welcome Snazzle!"

But the most interesting product,

the most interesting product in the Trump health care lineup

was a line of vitamins that got weirdly personal.

WOMAN: A key product was personalized vitamins,

supposedly tailored to each customer

after they sent their urine to a lab for analysis.

(laughter and groaning)

And here we are, my friends.

The reason we're doing this story.

The Trump Network's flagship product was sending boxes of pee

-through the mail in exchange for vitamins. -(laughter)

This is the same guy who thought it was disgusting

to even think of Hillary going to the bathroom.

This is the same guy.

But I guess now, it turns out

that he was just upset that she was wasting it.

-He was like, "No!" -(laughter)

"I could have used... No!"

(laughter)

But I don't understand. Why...?

Like, why would Donald Trump want everyone's pee?

You know, that's... I can't figure...

Like, maybe it's human pee

that gives his hair that perfect ammonia shine.

-(laughter and groaning) -Maybe.

So what happened to the Trump Network here in America?

Well, it really blew up before it actually blew up.

WOMAN: A reported 20,000

independent sales representatives

bought the Trump Network products

and tried to recruit others to sell them, too,

but within two and a half years,

the recession-proof business collapsed.

Wow, man. If a pee-based vitamin supplement business

can't survive the recession, what's America even for?

WOMAN: Trump declined our request for an interview.

His attorney says he did not own the company,

or make the products.

He also said Trump never endorsed the merchandise,

despite this letter signed by Trump saying,

"I believe in the Trump Network products."

-Now, now, no, no, no, don't you judge him, guys. -(laughter)

His signature and endorsement doesn't count as an endorsement.

We all know that when Trump endorses merchandise,

he puts a crown on his head and a sash around it.

-That's how he works. -(laughter and groaning)

Which I guess, which I guess leaves this one question.

If the business collapsed, what happened to all that pee?

(laughter)

Oh, Trump went through a lot of trouble to get all of that pee.

He wouldn't just throw it away. He's a businessman.

So where's the pee? Is it hidden?

-Is it...? -(laughter)

Oh, wait.

What if it's been right in front of us the whole time?

We're benefiting all these other countries.

Turned out I was right on every single subject.

We need a change. We need a change fast.

♪ ♪

(laughter)

Republicans!

(cheers and applause)

It looks like, for the second time in a row,

you're nominating Goldwater!

(laughter and groaning)

At least... at least we now know where all the pee went,