There once was a girl called Little Red Riding Hood.

She was called that because she wore a red hood every day

like a person with a severe case of

obsessive-compulsive disorder.

One day, her mother asked her to take a basket of goodies to

her sick granny.

This was a little problematic.

Little Red Riding Hood didn't like being told what to do.

She wasn't crazy about her granny, or

old people in general.

Wasn't nuts about lugging a basket around.

Plus, she hated going into the woods because she had an

irrational fear that bugs would crawl up her leg and

into her ya ya.

While walking through the woods to her granny's, a giant

wolf appeared.

"Where are you off to?"

"To my granny's."

"What's in the basket?"

"What are you, the basket police?"

"No, I--"

"Shouldn't you be on the Discovery Channel chasing an

elk or something like that?"

"No, I just wanted to

ask--" "Save it.

We're done here."

Little Red Riding Hood continued on her way.

And the wolf thought to himself, "I know a shortcut to

Granny's."

When the wolf got to the granny's house,

he quickly ate her.

The wolf then put on the granny's clothes and hid under

the covers.

When Little Red Riding Hood arrived, she said, "Granny,

what big eyes you--

wait a minute, it smells like an unwiped ass in here."

"Why don't you ask me how big my teeth are?"

"Give me an effing break.

Don't tell me you're the wolf."

"Yes, I am.

I ate your granny and now I'll eat you too."

Unknown to the wolf, Little Red Riding Hood had the

superhuman strength of 10 giant retards.

"I don't believe in capital punishment.

I'm going to take you to be neutered."

She took the wolf to a veterinarian, who also doubled

as the village idiot.

Within seconds the wolf's scrotum and testicles and

blood were flying all over the place.

It was at that point Little Red Riding Hood realized the

vet was probably a better village idiot than he was a

veterinarian.

She noticed there was a big piece of wolf scrotum on her

red hood and she removed it.

When Little Red Riding Hood heard wolf's

agony, she felt bad.

And she raised the volume on her iPod so she wouldn't have

to listen to it.

And they all lived happily ever after.

Except for the granny, who was eaten.

Come back next time when you hear the fable of the shepherd

whose girlfriend was a sheep.