I estimate this soap has one more good washing left.

Dang.

It's so small I can't even find it.

What's with the bath?

Did the shower reject you again?

I'm trying to think of a product idea.

I read that Einstein

did his best thinking in the bath.

It's the warm water.

That's the same theory behind instant soup.

Would you mind not staring at me?

Uh, what's the camera for?

That's my voice-activated, motion-sensitive

hovering Dilcamcorder

specially designed to record my brilliant ideas.

Oh, I hope that's what that's for.

I'm sitting in water.

I can't use my laptop computer.

Hmm. So that's your story.

Yes, it is.

As an engineer,

obviously you know

that a bathtub is the least efficient form of bathing.

I'm thinking up ideas.

You're sitting in your own filth.

Some of it's in the water.

It's kind of like rinsing your fruit

in the sewer to wash the pesticides off.

Okay. Bath is over.

Ugh. Why don't you invent a product

that keeps your skin from wrinkling after a bath?

Kind of a de-pruner.

Dogbert, that is the vainest, most superficial idea

I've ever heard.

Thank you.

I don't want to de-prune people.

I want to make the world a better place to live in.

Is this where you thought up your invention

that reversed global warming?

Yes. The bath water helps me think.

And why are you filming yourself?

I told you.

I can't use the laptop in the bath.

So, you're sticking to that story?

Yes, I am.

You know, you're sitting in your own filth.

I'm trying to think of an invention

to fix that too.

I think it's called the SHOWER.

This fantasy's been a profound disappointment.

[music]

[CHANTING] Ooh, ah, oh, chee!

Ooh, ah, oh, chee!

Ooh, ah, oh, chee!

Ooh, ah, oh, chee!

Ooh, ah, oh, chee!

Ooh, ah, oh, chee!

[ELECTRICITY CRACKLING]

[CARS HONKING]

Ooh, yuck!

WOMAN'S VOICE: All pedestrians eliminated.

Game over.

Can we do some work now?

One more game.

I think I can get to the rest home

if I blow up the day care center.

Welcome to pedestrian outrage.

Remember, I'm the only woman who loves you.

Registered user: Wally.

He's hooked.

We're on a deadline here.

We need to design

the company's new flagship product

and we need it yesterday.

Yesterday?

Then it's already too late.

Which means...

Yes! One more game.

Everything's been invented.

No, it hasn't.

A time machine.

That's just one example.

[SIGHS] All right. Let's go with a time machine.

[TRUCK HORN BLARES]

[CRASH]

Well, that's it.

I'm inured to violence now.

[HUMMING]

Well, how's the prototype coming?

Hmm?

A rotating cube.

I like it.

Can we be first to market?

That's a screen saver.

Save the technical mumbo jumbo.

I just want to know if it'll work.

It'll work, but everyone already has one.

That's no good.

What else do you have?

We were tossing around the idea of a time machine.

Well, you'd better get going on that.

I've heard there's a rival engineering department

right here in our own organization

moving into our turf

and developing their own prototype.

Just out of curiosity

who's running the other department?

Lena.

Lena? You mean there really is a Lena?

I always thought she was just a myth.

She's more than a myth.

She's like the Xena of engineers.

I heard when she was attending Wellesley

as a foreign exchange student, there was an incident

where she severed a couple of classmates' heads

with a hockey stick.

None of the witnesses ever talked about that day.

If no one talked

how do we all know the story?

I read it on her Web page.

Uh-oh.

I heard a rumor

that she steals the ideas of other engineers

then cuts off their heads so they can't talk.

I like Wally's story better.

Anyway, no shame in being a runner-up.

After all, Albany is BEAUTIFUL THIS TIME OF YEAR.

ALL: Albany?

Whoever designs the next prototype

will need more floor space.

I'll have to relocate

the unproductive engineers

to our facility in Albany.

[WIND WHISTLING]

[TYPING]

Hey, look at this, Alice.

"Home Liposuction Kit."

You could take one of these babies and-- Ooh!

We're doomed.

Lena's team is probably half-done with their prototype.

We don't even have an idea.

Lena is totally overrated.

We can beat her.

I don't care if most of the engineers

have gone over to her side.

Lena's team is so big,

you could get lost in the crowd

and never have to lift a finger.

ALICE: They might get the big raises and the party atmosphere

but they'll never know the satisfaction that comes

from really hard work.

You could have worded that better.

[TIRES SCREECHING]

Can I help you?

I've got to get to work and you're blocking me.

Although it might seem that way on the surface

in reality, it's you that's blocking yourself.

You're right.

How do you know that?

It's what I do.

You're a garbage man.

Exactly.

Well, can you at least move the truck?

It is moving.

It only seems like it's standing still.

By the way, thanks for recycling.

[STRAINED] Lena.

[FOREIGN ACCENT] Dilbert, I am so very sorry.

You must have been in my blind spot.

I was right in front of you.

Exactly.

You look so pale and sickly.

That's because I can't...breathe.

[PANTING]

I cannot tell you how excited I am

for the opportunity to work on a prototype

against such a pro like yourself.

Me?

I am a huge FAN OF YOUR WORK.

You are?

I only hope I can come up

with something half as brilliant as you...

because I'm sure as hell not going to Albany.

You know, you're slightly more friendly than I imagined.

Really?

You don't say.

I mean, all the gossip

about how cutthroat and Machiavellian you are.

Well, you know how people exaggerate.

And the rumors about Fred--

the engineer who mysteriously disappeared

after his project went up against yours?

Yes. Rumors. All rumors.

Unless a witness comes forward.

DILBERT: Hmm.

What did you bring for lunch?

Oh, salad.

[SIGHS]

She touched me.

Hey, great. You're finally getting into it.

What'd you come up with?

It's nothing. Nothing yet.

Still a work in progress.

Give me a few minutes to clean it up.

Look. There's no time for niceties.

We're on a deadline.

Just let me see.

What the heck?

"Oh Lena Sweet Lena

"A female divinity

My passions exceed Pi R-squared times infinity"?

Have you lost your mind?

That is not only the most nauseating thing

I've ever read

It's meaningless if R is undefined.

Poetic license.

Man, she must have blown some smoke

up your butt.

Did she use a giant fan or just some kind of hose?

I think you're jealous.

Jealous?

I think I speak for all women capable of reproduction

when I say...no.

What's a word that rhymes with gradient?

She is sabotaging us.

Have you ever been to Albany?

Gradient...gradient...

Radiant.

I can't believe I'm saying this

but I think we were better off when Wally was here.

We actually need him.

Ugh!

[MUFFLED CHEERING]

Wally?

Yes?

Wally, it's us.

So it is.

He doesn't recognize us.

Of course he does.

Wally, old pal, we need you to come back to the team.

I am not of your team.

I am of Team Lena.

Praise Lena.

Snap out of it, you half-wit.

[GRUNTS]

Pain. Lena said there would be pain for those who leave.

I see she was right

but I only left to go to the bathroom.

Lena, I'm coming back!

[AUDIENCE CHEERING]

Wally, it's Dilbert and Alice.

Don't you remember us?

You...you were from the before time

when I was not of Team Lena.

Praise Lena.

Lena, I return to you!

I swear I will never use the men's room again!

Boy, he's got it bad.

The worse part is I like him better this way.

Hey, look at that.

She's holding me up as an example to her team.

I told you she respects me.

My people, behold the anti-me.

[AUDIENCE JEERING]

Victory is not enough.

We must destroy our opponent.

We will not only build a better prototype,

we will build it

upon the crushed bones and torn flesh of Dilbert!

[CHEERING]

Dilbert, how wonderful to see you here.

Alice.

Lena.

We were just passing by.

Look, Dilly, I was wondering

if you weren't doing anything later

maybe we could get together

and talk about...things.

[STAMMERING] Oh, uh, sure. Yeah.

My-my cubicle is...

No, no, no, no, no.

Not here at the office.

I was thinking perhaps

your place.

[STAMMERING]

Dilbert!

Yes?