about how to lead a conversation. So, if you've ever found yourself in conversation, and you're

kind of trapped in small talk--the weather, where people are from, what's going on with

the local sports team--and you're really hoping for a chance to connect on a bit of a deeper

level but don't know how, this is going to help. It's just one small piece. There's lots

of ways to do it, but this one has to do with something called frame control. And if you're

not familiar with frame control, don't sweat it, I'm going to show you live, so let's get

started.

You've set up a school in Hollywood, didn't you? For people like James Garner and Steve

McQueen, and the others.

Yes.

Why would they want to learn Chinese martial art, because of a movie role?

So, this is the question. It's not a totally surface-level question, but he's asking him,

"Why do your students want to learn martial arts?" Now, Bruce could answer because they

want to be good fighters, whatever, but watch what he does.

Not really. Most of them, you see, to me are at least the way they want it when I teach

it. All type of knowledge ultimately means self-knowledge.

So, wait a second; something is happening here and this is what frame control is. In

any given question, there's a frame, and that frame basically says the set of parameters

that you're supposed to answer. Now, some questions has a yes/no frame. We are expected

to say yes or no. Some of them demand you just say the city that you're from, like,

"Where are you from?" or "What do you do you do?" You would say your title. What the charismatic

person does is they change the frame of the question to be more fun, more interesting,

and to allow people to connect more. So, rather than simply answer why somebody might show

up in the dojo, Bruce Lee takes this opportunity to share his philosophy on life and martial

arts. And what this does, is it moves that kind of boring question and boring answer

out of the way, so you're not just ping ponging back and forth, and it allows you to go to

the deeper level. So a lot of people think that, "Okay, if I wanted to steer the conversation

somewhere interesting, I have to have the world's most interesting questions, or I have

to have the world's most interesting conversational partner; not always true. In fact, the way

that you tend to get to those more interesting topics is by taking a question and finding

part of it that you can connect to something more interesting and more in tune with your

own life philosophy. So see how he elaborates here.

So, therefore, they're coming in to-- I mean, they ask me to teach them not so much of how

to defend themselves, or how to do somebody in, rather, they want to learn to express

themselves through some movement, be it anger, be it determination, or whatsoever.

The important thing to realize here that the charismatic person, when asked the question,

oftentimes value self-expression over brevity. A lot of times, we feel, when we're not feeling

completely confident and charismatic, that we have to answer the question exactly as

it is formulated. No, I'm not recommending that you be a politician that completely dock

the question. What I'm recommending is that you actually go deeper, and give that person

something that's going to be more fascinating and more interesting that allows you, guys,

to connect. So I want to, now, jump to a different question and you'll see how Bruce Lee takes

a new frame and kind of makes it different in this instance as well.

Of all your students famous, James Garner, Steve McQueen, Lee Marvin, James Coburn, Roman

Polanski, which was the best? Who adapted best to this oriental form of exercise and

defense?

So, right here, you have a question that implicitly has a "pick a side." Is this guy better or

is this guy better? This is kind of a prohibitive question. You might get yes/no questions.

You might get somebody asking you whose side are you on. What does the charismatic person

do when they answer it? This is a great example.

Well, depending, okay? Now, as a fighter, Steve, Steve McQueen, now, he is good in that

department because that son of a gun got the toughness in him. I mean, he would say, "All

right, baby, here I am, man, you know, and he'll do it." Now, James Coburn is a peace-loving

man. I mean, you've met him, he's really, really nice, and he's super and mellow, and

all that, you know? I mean, now, he appreciate the philosophical part of it, therefore, his

understanding of it is deeper than Steve. So, it's really hard to say. Do you see what

I'm saying now? I mean, it's different, I mean, depending on what you see in it.

So, what has happened here? The interesting part of this is that Bruce Lee answers this

question by actually rejecting the form of the question. The guy asked him who is better,

right? And implicit in that is there needs to be one way to be better in martial arts,

and what Bruce Lee does in his answer is he says, "No, there are a number of ways. You

can be a good fighter. You can appreciate the art." This is what charismatic people

do constantly. If you look at the people that you admire, they do not take questions at

face value when they conflict with the way they see the world. Instead, they express

themselves. They share their life philosophy when it conflicts with the frame of the question,

and this is why this framing is so important, because conversations, if you look at them

in this way, can be seen almost as a contest of different frames, and when somebody puts

out a frame that says, "Okay, who's better?" And you implicitly disagree with that but

you answer their question anyway, you've given in to a frame that subverts what you really

believe about the world. So it's so important that you notice what's going on in conversation

where these frames, and not to be a jerk, but where is it appropriate and honest for

you, to reject the form of the question and assert a new frame. So, one more of this that

I will show you very quickly.

Do you think of yourself as Chinese or do you think of yourself as North American?

You know what I want to think of myself? As a human being, because I don't want to sound

like, you know, as Confucius say, but under the sky, under the heaven, mankind is but

one family. It just so happen then that people are different.

So there you go. That is just an example, again, of Bruce Lee, one, rejecting the form

of the question, they use dichotomy questions where you're expected to say one or the other,

yes or no, who's side are you on. Oftentimes, you would want to reject the form of the question

and say I think a different way, neither of those options. And, second, he uses this as

an opportunity to share his life philosophy about people. It's very brief and very quick

but he still gets it in there. So, hopefully, these two tips have helped. One, you're going

to see where the frames are, and then, two, break the frame if they do not go across with

your life values.

So, hopefully, you found this helpful. The idea behind all of these is, one, to start

to see the implicit frames that are in conversation, and when appropriate, don't accept the frames.

The charismatic thing to do when your life experience or your value sort of conflict

with the types of questions that you're getting, or you just want to answer in a more fascinating

way that's going to allow you to connect with someone is to assert a new frame. Share something

that you are passionate about. Tell them why the formative question they have doesn't totally

jive with the way that you see the world. That will lead to richer, more engaging conversation

that allows you to connect with more people. And, honestly, it might alienate some people,

but those are the kinds that you're going to want to alienate anyway.

I hope you found this video helpful. If you're interested in learning more on the topic of

charisma, and, specifically, how to make an amazing first impression on anyone, I've created

a video that details the four emotions that if you create them in a human being, will

lead to a guaranteed amazing first impression. It doesn't matter if they're a new boss or

a date. This is human psychology. It will work on anyone. The trick is you have to create

them in the right order, and what most people do is they leave one out or they get them

in the wrong order. Honestly, that's a lot of what the advice that you might get in other

places will tell you to do. So, if you want to know what those are and the order to do

them in, go ahead and click the link now. If you've enjoyed this video, please go ahead

give it a thumbs up, and, of course, you can subscribe for more like this all the time,

and if you have any specific people you'd like me to do, go ahead and write them in

the comments. This is a shout out to bnsgokugreat, who I think has asked for Bruce Lee video

no less than six times. I do read these comments and I take them seriously when you, guys,

support the channel. So, this one is for you, and I hope to see you on the next video.