Evaluate Your Manners Tip #1011

Hi there, I'm Angela Oberer and today's good idea comes from Vibah, who writes in and says:

My husband and I have friends, another couple we've have had dinner with for several times

a week. Suddenly they stopped inviting us out, stopped calling, stopped being friends.

I ran into her at the grocery store the other day and asked what's up and she said they've

been busy and their schedules have changed. But I see that on Facebook she's been posting

them having dinner with other friends, so I know they are not that busy, what's your take?

Well my take Vibah, is that you have just

been replaced by new friends. I don't know why, but I'll share with you

why I have replaced friends and that might give you some insight.

Okay, so my husband and I used to have friends over and I'll call them "the judge and the jury."

We would take time out of our schedules, we'd

go to the grocery, we'd buy all the ingredients and we'd make this elaborate meal. Then the

judge and the jury would arrive and from the time they would arrive, until the time that

they left they would criticize everything. (Screen says: The Judge and Jury: Act superior,

Complain, Criticize you, Belittle you, Bully you, Sense of entitlement)

From the menu to the table setting, to the food, to the temperature of the food, and the

way that the food was cut up, and the knife that was used to cut the food up, and the

way that the dishes were carried back to the sink and so on. Everything from beginning

to end was a criticism. Until it just became easy not to invite them back.

Right? It was easier to replace them with

new friends, that wanted to be here. Okay so, then I used to have lunch once a

week with Debbie Downer. Debbie in my opinion was the world's greatest hypochondriac.

(Screen Says: Debbie Downer: Worships problems, complains, Constantly sick, Victim mentality,

One ups you, Drains you) And she had aches and pains, ailments and sicknesses, diseases

and medications that I've never even heard of. Right? Stuff that hasn't even been invented yet.

And when I would leave lunch, I was like Oh thank goodness, my life is good.

Debbie has all the problems.

Right? Incredibly draining. Had to replace her.

Then there was fancy Agent Man. And I don't know if he was a talent agent, or a secret

CIA operative or what - that part is unknown. (Screen says: The Agent: Fantastical stories,

Control freak, Unverifiable credentials, Narcissistic, Name drops, Glued to phone) But during dinner

he was always interrupted with these important phone calls from VERY important people:

A-list actors, Nascar Race car drivers, and NFL football players and high level politicians

including the United States President himself whom he had on speed dial. I know, it sounds

really unbelievable right? It did to us as well. And you just end up replacing secret

agent man. Okay, then there was the fancy beggar.

(Screen says: Fancy Beggar: High fashion tastes, hung up on image, Charming and fun, Convenient

lies, Begs, borrows and steals from you, Never pays you back.)

always meet us at the most expensive restaurants. Only to discover that "Oh my goodness, I just

left my car keys and my wallet in the cab that dropped me off, and can you guys pick

up dinner?" "So because I don't have keys to get in my house tonight, can I come home

with you?" And that weekend turned into a week, and then two weeks until we found out

he'd been evicted, and can he borrow money from us and on and on and on.

It was just this huge drain. So there are reasons people have moved on

and have found new friends. And I don't know why people have moved on from you.

(Screen says: If your friends have mysteriously

vanished, check your manners to make sure it's not you.)

But now is a really good chance to stop and do some personal introspection to find out why you've

been replaced. Because that might affect your future relationships and it's a good idea.

It's a good idea.