Dear Eva,

It will be almost a month since you wrote to me

and you have possibly forgotten your state of mind

I doubt it though

You seem the same as always

and being you, hate every minute of it

Don't!

Learn to say, "Fuck you" to the world once in a while

You have every right to

Just stop thinking, worrying, looking over your shoulder,

wondering, doubting, fearing, hurting,

hoping for some easy way out,

struggling, grasping, confusing, itching, scratching,

mumbling, bumbling, grumbling,

humbling, stumbling, numbling, rambling,

gambling, tumbling, scumbling, scrambling,

hitching, hatching, bitching, moaning,

groaning, honing, boning, horse-shitting,

hair-splitting, nit-picking, piss-trickling, nose sticking,

ass-gouging, eyeball-poking, finger-pointing, alleyway-sneaking,

long waiting, small stepping, evil-eyeing, back-scratching,

searching, perching, besmirching, grinding,

grinding, grinding away at yourself

Just stop it and just--

Do!

>From your description and from what I know

of your previous work and your ability

the work you are doing sounds very good

"Drawing - clean - clear but crazy like machines,

larger and bolder... real nonsense."

That sounds fine, wonderful-- real nonsense

Do more

More nonsensical, more crazy, more machines,

more breasts, penises, cunts, whatever--

make them abound with non-sense

Try and tickle something inside you, your "weird humor"

You belong in the most secret part of you

Don't worry about cool

Make your own uncool

Make your own, your own world

If you fear, make it work for you

Draw and paint your fear and anxiety

and stop worrying about big deep things

such as "to decide on a purpose and way of life

a consistent approach to even some impossible end

or even an imagined end"

You must practice being stupid, dumb, unthinking, empty

Then you will be able to do

I have much confidence in you

and even though you are tormenting yourself,

the work you do is very good.

Try to do some bad work--

the worst you can think of and see what happens

but mainly relax

Let everything go to hell

You are not responsible for the world

you are only responsible for your work-- so do it

And don't think that your work has to conform

to any preconceived form, idea or flavor

It can be anything you want it to be

But if life would be easier for you if you stopped working--

then stop!

Don't punish yourself

However, I think that it is so deeply ingrained in you

that it would be easier to do

It seems I do understand your attitude somewhat, anyway

because I go through a similar process every so often

I have an "agonizing reappraisal" of my work

and change everything as much as possible

and hate everything I've done

and try to do something entirely different and better!

Maybe that kind of process is necessary to me

pushing me on and on

The feeling that I can do better than that shit I just did

Maybe you need your agony to accomplish what you do

and maybe it goads you on to do better

But it is very painful, I know

It would be better if you had the confidence

just to do the stuff and not think about it

Can't you leave the "world" and "art" alone?

And also quit fondling your ego

I know that you, or anyone, can only work so much

and the rest of the time you are left with your thoughts

But when you work or before your work

you have to empty your mind

and concentrate on what you are doing

After you do something it is done and that is that

After a while you can see some are better than others

but also you can see what direction you are going

I'm sure you know all that

You also must know that you don't have to justify your work

not even to yourself

Well, you know I admire your work greatly

and can't understand why you are so bothered by it

But you can see the next ones and I can't

You must also believe in your ability

I think you do

So try the most outrageous things you can

Shock yourself!

You have at your power the ability to do anything

I would like to see your work

and will have to be content to wait until August or September

I've seen photos of some of Tom's new things at Lucy's

They're very impressive

especially the ones with the more rigorous form

The simpler ones

I guess he'll send some more later on

Let me know how the shows are going and that kind of stuff

My work has changed since you left and it is much better

I will be having a show May 4th to 29th

at the Daniels Gallery 17 East 64th Street,

where Emmerich was

I wish you could be there

Much love to you both

Sol