-president-elect Donald Trump. -(booing and groaning)

Oh, did I remind you? I'm sorry.

-(laughter and groaning) -I'm sorry. Did you forget?

(laughter)

Say what you will about him, but you cannot deny

the man knows how to throw a punch.

Which shouldn't be a surprise, because with his fists,

there's very little wind resistance.

-They just, um... you know? -(laughter)

He's basically bullied all of his critics,

he forcibly renamed his political rivals,

and he even called the New York Times

"the failing New York Times" so much

that they finally just went with it.

-(laughter and groaning) -But for Trump,

those were just small fry.

You see, he's always had his sights set

on a much larger enemy.

I always hate that I have to have my ties made in China.

We can't continue to allow China to rape our country.

China is ripping us off.

They're taking our jobs.

We want deal!

China! China. China. China.

-(laughter) -(imitating Trump): "China!"

(laughter)

Quick question-- how are you gonna fight a country

when you can't even pronounce their name?

-Jyna! Jyna. -(laughter)

I doesn't sound like a country. It sounds like a toddler

who just learned the name of her private parts.

-That's what it sounds like. -(laughter)

-"Jyna! Jyna!" -(laughter)

-"Jyna, Jyna, Jyna! Jyna!" -(laughter)

"That's where my ties come from!"

(laughter)

And, by the way, by the way,

why do Donald Trump's suits fit so poorly?

Like, he's talking about all his clothes made in China.

I don't understand why they fit like this.

They're made for you and by you.

Why would they fit so badly?

Like, I wouldn't be shocked if his suits fit like that

because he exaggerates his measurements to his tailors.

"No, my arm is this long. It's this long!"

-(laughter) -It doesn't make sense.

Now, since the '80s,

Trump has been itching to pick a fight with Jyna.

And even though it's still 44 days

before he officially takes office,

he's already starting (bleep).

In an unprecedented move,

Trump took a call from Taiwan's president,

which broke more than three decades of diplomatic tradition.

WOMAN: Some foreign policy experts

calling it a foreign policy blunder.

MAN: His phone call with Taiwan's president

touched off something of a weekend diplomatic firestorm

with China, and broke decades of presidential protocol.

Yup, once again, Donald Trump breaks protocol,

which is basically his specialty, because since Nixon,

all American presidents have publicly regarded Taiwan

as being a part of China, but not Trump. Yeah.

Donald Trump-- he treats protocol

-like the Kool-Aid man treats walls. -(laughter)

I think there are a lot of questions going forward about

what Donald Trump's policy towards China will be.

It took decades to develop the ground

on which we talk to China,

and Donald Trump tore it up today.

If I were China right now, I would have no idea

what's going on-- and I'm not a hundred percent sure

Trump does, either.

Nobody knows what Trump's plan is.

He's just that kind of guy. He wakes up and he's like,

"Who said that? Me? Oh, okay, okay. Okay."

Because nobody knows if he has a plan.

This could be blunder, or it could be his opening chess move.

You know? Or actually, it's too complicated.

Maybe his opening checkers move.

Uh... no, no, I'm sorry, I'm sorry,

his opening Hungry Hungry Hippos move.

That looks right, that looks right, that looks right.

Now, look, now, look, the president of the--

there's a lot more skill in that game than you think--

now, nook, the president of the United States has the right

to determine America's policy toward China, I don't deny that.

What's worrying is that Donald Trump doesn't seem to know

which direction he's shifting it,

or even how he's shifting it.

Because now Trump is positioning his Taiwan call

as taking an aggressive stance against China.

But when the story first broke, Trump implied in a tweet

that he didn't plan it.

Said he spoke to the president of Taiwan

because she called him out of the blue.

Which is even more frightening.

How are people able to call

the president of the United States... randomly?

And also, if that's the case,

why is he answering random calls?

This is president-elect of the United States!

It's just like, ring-ring, and he's like,

"Oh, that could be a world leader,

"or my Uber calling. Hold on.

Yes, this is Donald."

"Hello, Donald. This is Tsai Ing-wen from Taiwan."

"Uh-huh. Yeah, I'm waving. Is that you in the Camry?

Is that you?"

Who is this man?!

And this is why everybody's freaking out.

Because it doesn't look like Trump knows what he's doing.

And China's relationship with Taiwan is too tricky

to not know what you're doing.

You see, just like Dwayne Johnson,

uh, wasn't always The Rock,

-(laughter) -China... wasn't always communist.

And after its communist revolution in 1949,

all anti-communists fled to Taiwan

and declared themselves independent from China.

That's how it all started. Which China vehemently rejects.

In fact, in Shanghai's English-language bookstores,

they actually unwrap new English dictionaries

and they rip out the page that has the entry for Taiwan.

That's how seriously they take it in China.

Which is not just censorship, I mean, that's some crazy

ex-lover behavior, that's... I mean, because you realize,

when you rip out a page of a dictionary,

you're not just losing Taiwan, you're losing

all the other words that have "T" around it.

Like the word "taken" is on the same page as Taiwan.

"Taken" is gone. That would explain

why Liam Neeson's movies flopped in China.

They probably had no meaning.

They probably had to redub all of his lines.

He was like, "What? My daughter's been gotten?"

(laughter)

But that's... that's how China rolls.

And because America tries to respect both China and Taiwan,

their relationship ends up being, uh, complicated.

NEWSMAN: Ever since Nixon's visit to China in 1972,

the U.S. has had a One-China policy,

recognizing only one of the two countries

that call themselves China.

...recognizing Taiwan through defense contracts

and informal contacts, but not as a separate government

with its own diplomatic standing.

NEWSMAN: Trump tweeted...

It is weird that China accepts America selling weapons

to Taiwan, but will not stand for a phone call.

That is weird. But it's a weird thing

that you have to respect.

Because it's a matter of respect.

It's sort of like when you go to visit your grandma.

Out of respect, you and your girlfriend

sleep in separate rooms.

Yeah. She knows that you're together,

but you just act like it's not happening.

But Donald Trump, he doesn't do respect.

He doesn't play protocol. When he's at Grandma's,

he (bleep) bigly.

(laughter)

And the crazy thing is we have to get involved.

Now we're reading up.

Do you understand how strange that is, by the way?

We are reading up on China, because we're afraid

that the president of the United States

doesn't know what he's doing? We're like, "All right,

we're gonna read up just in case, Donald."

Because, look, no one's ever messed with China

like this before.

No one really knows what the ramifications will be.

It may be nothing.

Or it could lead to a war.

Or maybe, maybe China tries to hurt America's economy

by stopping all trade.

These are all really bad outcomes.

Really bad.

I will say this, though, if a trade war means

we don't have to see him in one of those suits anymore,