and we talk about

how do you respond when you feel like your parents favor your sibling more than you?

That sounds really, really tough.

Hey guys, my name is Tim Schmoyer and welcome to another Youth Questions video

where, every week, we answer real questions from real teens about real life.

And this week we're answering one of your questions again. You asked

I have a sibling who's very smart in school who's also very athletic and very popular at school.

I feel like my parents like him a lot more than they like me and it just tears me up inside.

Is there anything I can do about this?

I asked this question to a whole bunch of teenagers and adults and YouTubers

some of them you might even know, like, like HeyThatsHolly, and Nalts, and Scott Kinmartin, and Spenciful

and a whole bunch of others.

Here's what some of them had to say.

I deal with this. I have an older sister and a younger brother. I am constantly compared to them.

When he's having all the attention, I stand off to the side and feel sorry for myself.

I mean, I get over it pretty quickly, I swear.

I feel kind of sad, you know, when he's getting all the attention and I'm not.

I can really relate to this because I had an older sister and I really felt as though my parents kind of favored her a little bit.

My sister and I have these things where

she's really good in one thing and I'm really good at the other.

So, I mean, if you talk to your sibling generally they have, like, they're jealous of you as much as you're jealous of them.

Because all the attention is on them, so they have to be the star.

So, I mean, if you talk to them, they'll probably, like, you'll probably end up coming out of that conversation feeling a lot better about it.

Well, my little sister went through the same thing

and, umm, she had to find something that was different from what I did.

Because, like, once she found her own niche, then there was something for my parents to be proud of her for

that there was no way for them to compare.

Like, she's in band. She's really good at band and I suck at music.

My sister and I have a pretty good relationship.

I mean, we each have our things that we're good at.

So try to find something that, like, you shine in and, you know, try to be the star in something,

but don't do it for your parents. Do it for yourself.

Come to your parents and the best thing is communication.

Let them know how you're feeling because if they don't know, they're just going to keep acting the same way they're acting.

I told my parents, I'm like, this is not fair

I don't feel comfortable with the fact that they are the ones always in the spotlight

They're always the one getting the recognition.

The child that's not being favored needs to, you know, sit down and have a conversation and let their feelings out

so the parents are aware of it. Most of the time the parents aren't even aware that they're favoring another child.

You have to tell your parents if you feel like they love your sibling more than you

or else they... you're going to be left in the dark and they're not going to know why

and down the road there's going to be more issues.

They realized that that is what they were doing.

because that's what, like, my problems did when I was younger,

like, that's what they stemmed from was being, like, the outcast, and being the unnoticed one.

and so, yeah, I would share. I shared my feelings about it.

I mean, not, like, in a, You never pay attention to me! Don't be all, like, teenager about it.

Just, in a very, like, grow-up way. I mean, like, be mature.

What a lot of kids do, just write them a letter. Set it on the counter. Hey, I need to talk to you about something.

Or, take a quiet time outside the house so you're not directly in that, in that confined space.

Go out to lunch, go to the mall, go to a movie, and use that time being away from the house.

It allows us parents to relax a little more when we're not in this house structure.

I feel that way with my sister because she goes to UCLA and my grades aren't exactly good.

I've talked with my mom about this and she just told me to do my best and if...

go to school, whatever school you want to go to.

So I say that, like, I mean, if you feel that way then, just know that your parents, I mean, most likely, just want want you to do your best.

You'll be liked by a lot of people if you just, uhh, try as hard as you possibly can and give 110% in everything you do.

Having four brothers, there's always sort of favoritism

but your parents have to love all of you, it's just hard to do it equally

because some require more attention in certain things.

A lot of times we think that, uhh, mom and dad like the other siblings better

and that may or may not be the case at any particular time.

I mean, it was the case with me because, uhh, you know, my brothers and sisters were all very highly accomplished

and I was the black sheep of the family.

They would call me the golden child.

He was the golden child.

as the consolation to, uhh, make me feel better about the fact that I wasn't the, uhh, sort of most accomplished.

I have a son and a daughter and they're both really good at different things.

And sometimes one needs a lot more time and attention than the other one

And it's really hard to, you know, explain to them that this is just a temporary thing.

It feels to them, whichever one is not getting the attention, it feels to them like, you know, like it's like that all the time.

I happen to be the, the scholar athlete whereas my brothers were the trouble-makers that were getting in trouble and getting kicked out of school and getting into fights.

The ones that need more attention should probably get more attention because they deserve it

Umm, the troubled ones my parents actually spent more time with and they got better.

If you can give them the support while it's early enough, you're okay.

Parents, really, at any one point, can have sort of a secret favorite,

but it never stays the same.

and it could be you next.

Remember that your parents still love you. Remember that they will always care for you.

It puts parents, I think, in a really tough spot

but if you try and be really open

with them and tell them, like, just acknowledge

that, hey, I know that you're feeling this way right now

I know it seems like we're giving your brother all the attention

but I really love you and I'm really, I'm really proud of you that you're supporting all of this, as well.

Your parents love you just as much

and equally

as a sibling. Umm...

It may seem at times like they favor your sibling, but really they love you just as much.

You do matter and, to your parents, and uhh...

they always will care for you.

I hope that was helpful for you guys.

I don't really have anything to add because I think what they shared was really good

but I do want to hear what you think and what you have to share

to this person or to other people who might be going through this situation.

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Hope you have a good week. Bye!