Placeholder Image

Subtitles section Play video

  • Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

  • and life you love.

  • If you consider yourself an artist or a maker or an entrepreneur and you are really passionate

  • and committed to creating and sharing great work in the world, even if life throws you

  • a big, major curveball, then this episode is for you.

  • Grace Bonney is the founder of Design Sponge, a daily website founded in 2004 that’s dedicated

  • to the creative community and reaches nearly 2 million readers per day.

  • She runs an annual scholarship contest for up and coming designers and is the host of

  • a weekly radio show, After the Jump.

  • After 12 years in Brooklyn, Grace now lives in the Hudson Valley with her wife Julia and

  • their three pets.

  • Her new book, In the Company of Women: Inspiration and Advice From Over 100 Makers, Artists,

  • and Entrepreneurs is available now.

  • Grace, thank you so much for coming back on the show.

  • I’m so happy to be here.

  • Thank you for having me.

  • So youve been through a lot since our last conversation.

  • Do you want to tell us about your journey and all the things that have happened since

  • then?

  • It’s been a longthe last year has been a particularly long year.

  • So in January of this year, in 2016, I was diagnosed with type 1 diabetes, which I didn't

  • even know adults could get.

  • So that was a big shocker and it turned my life upside down.

  • It turned my personal life upside down, it turned my work life upside down, and it was

  • a sort of crasscrash course in getting to know my body, changing every habit from

  • the way I eat to my lack of exercise, which is now a total 180.

  • And now that I look back on that moment, which was just so difficult to get through in January,

  • I have such sort of perspective on what a gift that was because it has fundamentally

  • changed the way I love and work and I’m actually quite thankful for that now.

  • And so let’s dive into the granular bits of that because if anyone doesn't know of

  • your site and know of your work, they now will.

  • But you run one of the most popular design blogs in the world, so getting a diagnosis

  • like this and having so many significant changes required pretty immediately had to have a

  • big impact on let’s just talk about your work life for a moment.

  • How did you start to decide what to either press pause on, what to delegate, and was

  • there fear around, oh my goodness, is my business just gonna crumble?

  • Yes to everything.

  • There was fear everywhere.

  • My life from January to March was just fear after fear after fear.

  • And to be quite honest, I didn't make decisions at first.

  • I just fell into a really dark hole that involved a lot of, like, laying on the ground crying.

  • And I was really fortunate that my team was kind of there to pick me up and say, “Hey,

  • we can tell youre going through this.

  • Were gonna run things for a while.

  • Take some time, you know, go to all of your appointments, figure out what life looks like

  • now.

  • When you come back, well figure out what to do.”

  • And so I did.

  • I took about a month and a half not totally off of work, but mostly off of work and to

  • just kind of figure out what my day to day life was going to look like now.

  • And there were a ton of doctors appointments, a lot of going back and forth between our

  • home upstate and to my doctors in the city and seeing specialists.

  • And there justthere frankly wasn’t time to work.

  • It was justit was my health was my work for 2 months.

  • And once that was settled, it really gave me no choice but to prioritize my health and

  • to realize, ok, the way that I’ve worked for the last 12 years of sitting on a couch

  • totally sedentary, mostly in front of a television, working, you know, sometimes 10, 12 hour days,

  • that can’t happen anymore.

  • It’s justit’s not good for my health.

  • I have to be up and moving and I have to really have moments of calmness in my life.

  • Because stress for type 1 or type 2 diabetes, but particularly for type 1, is really difficult

  • on your numbers.

  • And so I needed to make sure that my day was a bit more minimalized and streamlined.

  • So I really learned to delegate, which is, I’m sure you know, if you run your own show,

  • it is so hard.

  • Hardest thing in the world.

  • It’s… to give your baby over to somebody else, even small parts of that, it’s just

  • so difficult.

  • And for me, the majority of my day is really done communicating whether it’s with staff

  • members or readers.

  • And to give small aspects of that away to another person was so scary because I pride

  • myself on the voice of the site, the tone of the site, and the way in which we communicate

  • with people, to be respectful, to be careful of them and their time.

  • And that’s really hard to train somebody else to do.

  • But it’s been done now and I’m so thankful.

  • And I still interact with everybody and I still run all of our social channels, but

  • I’m not the person who answers every email anymore.

  • And it was a hard thing to let go of, but it gave me time in my day to just be quiet,

  • to walk the dogs, to just have time to kind of be quiet and be centered and those moments

  • are so crucial for me now.

  • So you guys are really, really active.

  • I mean, I follow you on Instagram and I love it.

  • I love always seeing the stories and, you know, the posts.

  • What are some of your other bigger social channels, and did you completely just go,

  • like, hands off?

  • I’m stepping away?

  • I did.

  • Well, just for social?

  • Yeah.

  • I mean, actually you can talk about anything, but I just

  • I’m so just innately curious because, again, you guys pump out incredible high quality,

  • beautiful, meaningful content so much.

  • So I know for our business, you know, for me to kind of step out for a month or 2, it

  • makes my head want to explode.

  • So I’m curious what your experience was particularly with social, because that’s

  • how I know and follow you the most.

  • It’s interesting.

  • I think that any time I’ve gone through a big change in my life, and I’ve gone through

  • a couple quite publicly over the last 5 or 6 years, and every time I sort of am ready

  • to share that online I have to kind of go through the process of understanding it myself,

  • being ready for whatever feedback is going to come on the internet.

  • Which, as you know

  • A lot of it.

  • ...is all over the place.

  • Yeah.

  • And so I really have to kind of feel safe in my own understanding of how that works

  • into my identity and who I am and what I do now.

  • And so I felt with diabetes in particular that the sooner I was ready to talk about

  • it the better, because I knew how few resources there were online, especially for people my

  • age who were diagnosed, and I just wanted somebody else who understood.

  • And so I thought, ok, I’m gonna make this a part of our story very quickly because any

  • time weve kind of made ourselves vulnerable whether it’s me or another team member discussing

  • a health issue or life change or losing a house, something like that, it really kind

  • of draws us in closer to the readers.

  • So we cut back on the amount of posts we did across the board from I think we were at 5

  • posts a day and now we post 3 times a day.

  • And I was updating obsessively on social before that and I really pulled back almost like,

  • If I open Instagram today?

  • Cool.

  • If not, no one’s gonna care.

  • It’s not that big of a deal.”

  • And it also was a good reminder that it’s so easy, I think social media kind of props

  • up your ego in this way of everything you post someone says something about.

  • So it can feel like all of that really is that important.

  • And this was a good reminder for me to be like, you know, I love my dogs, some other

  • people love my dogs, but no one’s gonna be upset if I don't write anything on Instagram

  • about them or anything else for a few weeks.

  • So I backed off of it and it was a great lesson that nothing happened.

  • It was fine.

  • Life went on.

  • No one was angry at me.

  • When I did come back, people were, it seemed, more excited to kind of check in because I

  • had been gone for a bit, so I think that was a good reminder.

  • And I’ve talked to a lot of other people in my community who have gone through big

  • changes and disappeared for a little bit and theyve all echoed the same idea, which

  • is those moments are so crucial to remembering that your audience loves you and wants to

  • hear from you, but they are not going to sort of be so demanding and, you know, expectant

  • of your time that if you do need to take time away theyre not going to be angry.

  • They typically will be respectful.

  • I think that’s such an important part and it’s such an important part of this conversation.

  • Because a lot of folks that I know that are pretty consistent content creators and have

  • taken a lot of time and energy to build an audience and that is part of their business

  • model, that’s part of how they put food on the table for their families, that’s

  • part of how their employees are able to take care of their livelihoods and their children

  • and their pets and everything, there’s such a fear.

  • I think there’s two pieces to it.

  • Right?

  • There’s the actual nuts and bolts, is the business going to crumble?

  • Is revenue gonna stop coming in?

  • So I want to talk about that in the context of the internet’s evolution since our last

  • conversation.

  • But also I think from a more emotional and spiritual and perhaps egoic place, feeling

  • like youre going to be left behind or that everyone’s going to depart and youre

  • not going to matter anymore.

  • That’s a hard feeling and I think it’s one that if you work on the internet, you

  • have every day.

  • Yeah.

  • And I struggle with the idea of relevancy constantly.

  • Like is it important that I still have a voice on the internet?

  • Is it important to talk about the same things that I used to talk about?

  • And you can look online and find someone to convince you of either end of that spectrum.

  • That you should be talking, that you shouldn't be talking.

  • And so that’s something that I’ve worked really hard is to tune out other people’s

  • voices this year and just really focus on the things that matter to me, what doesn't

  • matter to me anymore.

  • And that’s a hard transition because for me, weve been transitioning Design Sponge

  • in particular sort of away from the idea of designed goods like furniture and products

  • to the people behind those things and their stories and their struggles and their business

  • life and their work life.

  • And for me, that’s where the fascinating story is, but that’s not the case with all

  • of our readers who would love to just see more shopping.

  • And so that transition has been a scary one.

  • But sort of everything I went through at the beginning of the year reminded me that it’s

  • ok to make these changes and you might lose some people along the way, but youll gain

  • a different type of audience and a different level of engagement, which I’ve found so

  • fulfilling.

  • Let’s talk now about our last conversation.

  • One of the things I thought was so fun, because you and I, I feel like were like OGs when

  • it comes to the internet.

  • Weve been around it for a long time, weve been working online for a long time.

  • I know Design Sponge started in 2004.

  • And it’s justweve seen so many evolutions and it feels like 2 years since our last conversation,

  • one of the things that you shared with me that I was so grateful for your transparency

  • because well have a lot of folks in our audience who are like, “I just want to start

  • a blog.”

  • And I love that and I admire that and I’m always excited for people to express their

  • creativity and if they want to start aiming it into a business, you know, it starts to

  • become another conversation about what is the revenue model and, you know, how is this

  • really going to become self-sustaining.

  • And you were sharing that, at that time in 2014, advertising revenues, you were seeing

  • a downward trend both for your own business and also just in terms of the entire landscape

  • of friends and people that you know.

  • I’m curious where you see things now whether it is in terms of advertising or other kind

  • of trends in digital marketing from your point of view.

  • It’s funny, things have completely changed again just in the last two years, which is

  • just soit’s difficult to process because just as you get your footing there’s a new

  • expectation or a sort of new shift in the ad market that favors something that you had

  • just sort of unlearned or have to relearn.

  • So for us I think weve seen the same trend progress, which is scary but exciting.

  • I think in general, blog traffic to just your home base blog, it continues to kind of slowly

  • shift to other places.

  • And we see our social traffic increasing very quickly, which is exciting, but that’s not

  • where we sell most of our ads.

  • So it’s a challenge.

  • It’s really scary to sort of have our audience grow in these really interesting places and

  • theyre very different audiences in each, you know, our Instagram community is very

  • different from the commenters on the site.

  • And the same thing with Twitter and Facebook.

  • And so you have these communities of people and you want to engage them, but you have

  • an ad market that keeps saying, “Well, unless you put thean actual product in your post,

  • were not gonna pay you.”

  • And that’s the challenge were facing right now.

  • Because as a brand, we really want to be careful about how often we kind of just put products

  • in people’s faces.

  • Absolutely.

  • And that, I don't have an answer for that.

  • I wish I did.

  • I wish I knew the correct way to do that and the right amount of that to put in.

  • So it’s been kind of trial and error for us to see what feels real, which feels like

  • too much for our readers and what feels like just enough.

  • So were testing it out.

  • And then I think like always, I like having outside projects going because I think if

  • the Internet has taught me anything in the last 2 years it’s that you just cannot put

  • all your eggs in one basket.

  • And definitely not the blog basket.

  • It’s gotta be another basket.

  • So whether it’s, you know, podcasting or books or event series, all these things to

  • kind of have all these irons in the fire.

  • Whether or not they all work out, it doesn't really matter.

  • It’s kind of about constantly stretching and seeing which of these things sort of resonate.

  • I think there is too, there’s a place where we can go, right?

  • And we see this in our own business as well.

  • It’s like I’m watching stuff start to whittle and die in certain areas and I’m

  • watching other things start to grow and it really requires a sense of courage to try

  • new things.

  • And it’s such an iterative process and sometimes I find myself slightly frustrated when I…

  • like this is the formula you need to follow.

  • I’m like, dude, there is no frigginformula.

  • No.

  • Shit changes way too fast.

  • It’s going to continue changing and evolving, and especially when it comes to digital marketing.

  • Every single platform has so many layers of complexity.

  • And there’s so much detail.

  • Like somebody would be like, “How do you put up a Facebook ad?”

  • And I’m like, dude, Facebook ads, the level of targeting, the level of remarketing.

  • You could have a whole department just for that.

  • Absolutely.

  • And so I’m curious if you have had conversations with folks who are just wanting to start their

  • own business and have an online component and how you have either advised them or anything

  • that youve told them about this world is very different than when you and I started

  • and it was a lot simpler.

  • Absolutely.

  • It’s funny, I used to tell people find your voice.

  • Find out what makes your voice different and things like that.

  • And at this point I feel like that advice doesn't really apply in the same way anymore.

  • I feel like now I’m encouraging people to find what they have fun doing because for

  • me, what separates a great podcast or a great YouTube show or a great anything from the

  • other competition is somebody who you can tell is enjoying what theyre doing.

  • And I think so many people are sort of coming up in this era of new sort of platforms, whether

  • it’s social or a website, and they come out as these fully formed brands right away,

  • which is great if that’s natural to who you are, but I think sometimes I want to see,

  • like, where’s the spontaneity.

  • Where’s the moment where maybe it didn't go exactly as planned but it was still really

  • fun.

  • And I look for those moments of just sort of, I don't know, like relatability?

  • Is that a word?

  • I look for those moments and

  • It is a word, yeah.

  • ...sweet.

  • It’s a word at least to me.

  • Yeah.

  • And so I look for those moments and I think that a lot of times when youre new, no

  • one wants to look like an amateur.

  • But I actually love that.

  • I love someone that feels fresh and different and new and isn’t perfectly shiny all the

  • sudden.

  • You want to watch them evolve, and I love that evolution.

  • So I think rather than spending all of this time trying to get the perfect logo, the perfect

  • launch to your channel or whatever it is, figure out what’s fun to you and do more

  • of that.

  • Because no matter how much you love your job, that old expression if you love your job youll

  • never work a day in your life.

  • It’s bullshit.

  • Exactly.

  • Totally.

  • There will be days where you have to pay bills and taxes and do

  • You wanna stick a fork in your eye.

  • I have so many days

  • I mean, not literally, but you know.

  • Like everyone

  • I want to pull all of my hair out, like, one by one.

  • It’s too pretty.

  • And yes, it’s real.

  • I knowthat’s one of our running jokes, like, “Marie, your extensions look so good

  • today.”

  • I’m like, “It’s mine.”

  • I saw it coming together.

  • It’s real.

  • It is real.

  • But yeah.

  • No, I think back to the kind of core question, it is.

  • I think also it’s natural for people to want things to look polished and to have them

  • look so professional out of the gate, but what we really crave is that genuine connection

  • to a human.

  • If you look at the types of videos that take off, like viral videos, theyre always real

  • people.

  • Theyre real people doing something that’s funny, that’s relatable.

  • And it doesn't mean you have to be a comedian or, like, accidentally trip over things all

  • the time.

  • Whatever that thing is that you enjoy doing, just film it without limits.

  • Just think about it, record it, write it.

  • Whatever it is and put it out there and have fun with it.

  • Because the longer standing something becomes, you get involved in the aspects of your business

  • that aren’t as fun.

  • Yes.

  • And so the more that you can do up front that’s just enjoyable, that’s where great ideas

  • come from.

  • I find that very little creativity and sort of idea building comes from the planning stage

  • of something.

  • It’s just not where you kind of let your brain roam and have great ideas.

  • So the more you can really kind of just have fun with it and learn and make mistakes, that’s

  • where magic happens.

  • You know, we were talking off camera, like I was saying, you know, we shot the day before

  • and I was having a particularly stressful few couple of weeks that were rough, just

  • a variety of issues.

  • You know, like any business owner, they can all start to stack up.

  • And, you know, it was the time we were writing MarieTV and I was just at that point where

  • I felt like I couldn’t write anymore, so the dumbest, silliest jokes were coming out,

  • which we shot yesterday.

  • I was like, “Oh, my God.

  • We haven’t had this much fun doing these many silly things.”

  • With like medieval costumes and people wrapped in, like, crazy stuff.

  • It was one of the best days weve had in a long while and it all came from not trying

  • to do anything too perfectly.

  • Like, throwing it on the page and then letting it go.

  • And those will be the moments that people respond to the most strongly.

  • And I find that I do my best writing when I do have some strong emotion, whether it’s

  • anger or sadness or fear or just wanting to laugh and share something that’s funny.

  • Those are the moments that maybe youre not gonna sell the most ads on that post,

  • but those are the moments that will keep your readers coming back.

  • And I think every business needs to kind of let those moments shine through because that’s

  • when your customer, your client, or your reader really gets to know you a little bit better.

  • Yes.

  • And that’s… that’s what were all here for is we want to support people’s

  • businesses, but I want to know the people and the stories behind those businesses too.

  • So let’s move on to this book, which is, by the way, just absolutely gorgeous.

  • You guys, In the Company of Women.

  • I’ve been having so much fun reading everyone’s stories.

  • So this particular book did not start out as this particular book.

  • You were set to write another DIY crafting book and then you went, record scratch, let’s

  • turn this beat around.

  • Tell us, why did that happen?

  • What happened?

  • What was that process like?

  • That was one of the scariest moments of the last 12 years of my business.

  • Because I had a contract, I had received money, I agreed to write a DIY encyclopedia that

  • was supposed to be this mammoth sort of testament to, you know, glue and doing things with your

  • own two hands.

  • And I did that thing where I just dragged my feet and I dragged my feet.

  • And I’ve gotten better at identifying that’s a sign that something’s wrong, but I just

  • kept saying, “I signed a contract.

  • You can’t go back on a contract.

  • What would that say about me and what would that do to my business?”

  • Youre a horrible person.

  • Yes.

  • I just totally fell down that shame hole.

  • And I had this moment of just I don't want to put my name on something that I don't believe

  • in.

  • Yes.

  • And that can be a very idealistic thought to have and it can, you know, it can’t always

  • be one that you can actually act on because sometimes youre financially just not able

  • to go backwards.

  • And so I met with my accountant and I said would it be possible for me to give this advance

  • back?

  • What would happen to my business?

  • And we figured out that it would be feasible.

  • It wouldn't be great, but it would be feasible.

  • And I just had the realization that I cared more about not putting something out into

  • the world that I felt half-hearted about.

  • So I was talking with my wife Julia about it and she said, “Well, is there any other

  • idea that you have that you might want to pursue?”

  • And I had wanted to write a business book for years, but now that we have all of these

  • great business books for women that are out in the last like 2 or 3 years, that’s something

  • that people are recognizing is important.

  • But when I was pitching this 3 or 4 years ago, it wasn’t really happening and people

  • were like, “I don't know.

  • Business books for women?

  • There are already business books.”

  • But I felt like there was something different that needed to be said.

  • So I sat down, I wrote this pitch, Julia helped me make a one page.

  • I sent it off to my publisher and I said, “I’m sorry, I can’t fulfill this contract.

  • My heart’s not in it.

  • I’m prepared to give you my advance back and just completely apologize for making this

  • mistake, but here’s this other idea and if youre into it I would love to talk.”

  • And I sent the email, slammed my laptop shut and, like, hid.

  • Because it was this moment of this is something I really want.

  • Yeah.

  • I want this so badly, bad enough to fall flat on my face and have to give a ton of money

  • back and just realize what a mistake I had made.

  • And I ended up lucking out and my publisher was excited about the idea, she loved it.

  • And then she said, “Well, you can do this but you have 2 months,” what was my original

  • deadline.

  • So in the course of 2 months we interviewed over 100 women, we traveled across the country,

  • and I was lucky enough to find a photographer, Sasha Israel, who was like, “I’m up for

  • this.

  • Let’s do it.

  • Book the flights.

  • Let’s go.”

  • And so we traveled across the country with Kelly, who manages the team at Design Sponge

  • who kind of project managed the entire book, and the three of us just had the greatest

  • summer ever just meeting these incredible women who I never thought I would have a chance

  • to talk to and then taking everything they said and compiling it into a book that I think,

  • hopefully, will relate to women everywhere of every age and every stage in their career.

  • And that was really important to me because I think so many business books are about people

  • who are at, you know, fortune companies and theyre doing so well and are getting tons

  • of press, but I think there’s a lot to learn from people who are only a few years into

  • their business too because they remember what that early stage was like.

  • Yes, theyre closer into it.

  • Yeah.

  • And they can speak usually more articulately about some of the very specific challenges

  • and fears and doubts and how they were able to bridge over to getting traction and keeping

  • it going.

  • I loved it and I love the diversity of every kind that is represented in this book.

  • I think you did a brilliant job.

  • And you did this in 2 months?

  • You guys

  • I mean, I know it’s a lot more than 2 months, but the kind of core creation of it?

  • Absolutely.

  • It was 2 months of interviewing.

  • We traveled as many places as possible.

  • I mean, some women were in, like, Nigeria, some were in Seattle.

  • And so that wasn’t gonna happen, but I traveled to as much within the continental United States

  • as possible and met these people.

  • Some people we met with for 20 minutes, some people we spent a day talking to.

  • And it really kind of just depended on where the conversation went.

  • And the questions were set up to encourage transparency, honesty about things not working

  • out.

  • And my caveat was just I need this person to be open to discussing the things that were

  • failures because I think failure is a word that has such a negative connotation, but

  • for me those are the real opportunities to learn because I so rarely learn anything huge

  • and life changing from things that do work out.

  • I learn so much more from things that don’t work out.

  • And maybe that’s just, like, my way of making the best of the fact that I make a lot of

  • mistakes, but I really enjoy learning from the mistakes that I’ve made and that other

  • people have made.

  • Absolutely.

  • And all these women were so wonderfully honest about these moments and not just that theyve

  • made them, but that they continue to make them 20, 30, 40 years into their career.

  • And that taught me so much.

  • We make mistakes all the time.

  • Like, I’ll see things that I’m doing, the way I’m asking people questions, I’m

  • like I should know better than this by now, and I don't.

  • And then I learn some and I’m like, “Oh, wow.

  • This is some growth here,” but I think what you just said is so true.

  • We never stop making mistakes.

  • And then coupled with what we were talking about just a few minutes ago, if youre

  • in the digital space, oh goodness are you gonna make an enormous amount of mistakes

  • and you will continuelike, it’s all about testing and evolving and iteration.

  • And everyone sort of understands and embraces the idea of nobody’s perfect, but we all

  • still try to be, which is a problem.

  • And I felt like I was still holding myself to the standard of I looked at women I admired

  • who are in this book and thought well, one day if I can get my business to where her

  • business is I will feel complete and finished.

  • And then I…

  • The angels will come down

  • Exactly, someone will give you a big plaque and a ribbon and just say like, “Move on.

  • Youve done it.

  • Great job.”

  • And that’s never gonna happen.

  • That might havethat might come in small moments of realizing, like, this was a good

  • thing, this worked out, but there’s never gonna be a finish line.

  • And hearing from women who were in their 60s, 70s, 80s who are still going strong, who are

  • saying I just made a huge mistake yesterday, but it’s not about the mistake.

  • It’s about how you recover from that.

  • And that was a huge takeaway for me because I think I’m so often so terrified of having

  • to apologize or correct something and instead I just need to spend more time figuring out

  • how to do that in a way that works for me.

  • Because I am going to make a lot of mistakes and the sooner I can teach myself to just

  • apologize or course correct or fix that thing rather than be so terrified of it happening,

  • I can put so much more time into other much more fun things.

  • Yeah, absolutely.

  • I love this conversation.

  • I could talk to you for hours and hours and hours.

  • You know, there are actually some incredible questions in your book that I know youre

  • not a profile in your book, but I was like, “I wanted Grace to be one.”

  • So if it’s ok, I thought I would ask you some of the questions that you asked of your

  • subjects.

  • Sure!

  • So, Miss Grace Bonney, what was the best piece of business advice you were given when you

  • were starting out?

  • I think someone told me, and I think this might have been my father who also runs his

  • own business, was that no one will ever believe and trust in your business as much as you

  • do.

  • And that’s… it’s a hard lesson to learn, but an important one because I’ve had so

  • many wonderful employees over the years who believe in the business, but no one will ever

  • eat, sleep, and breathe your company the way that you are as a founder.

  • And so I think that’s beenit’s allowed me to sort of relax with my employees and

  • be like it’s ok.

  • You don't have to have the same level of dedication as long as we all do what we show up to do

  • every day and we do it with happiness and excitement and passion.

  • It’s ok if we all have different levels of involvement.

  • That’s totally alright.

  • And so thatthat’s kind of stayed with me for a long time.

  • Ok, tell me if this is too much overlap, but name the biggest overall lesson that youve

  • learned in running a business.

  • Well, it’s one that I’ve only learned recently and that came from writing this book,

  • which was there is no such thing as work life balance and I have been the biggest huxter

  • with that.

  • I have done so many podcasts where I thought I had the answer to figuring it out.

  • And I kept thinking like, ok, if I just work this much less and Marie Kondo my life enough

  • to, like, take things out and if I just

  • Oh, my goodness.

  • Can we just roll up those tshirts and my panites and make them just

  • If I talk to enough of my socks and clean them out.

  • I will figure out the secret to life and work feeling, like, this zen static moment.

  • And then I talked to so many wise women with so much life experience who were like, “Girl,

  • stop.

  • That doesn't exist.

  • It will never exist.

  • It’s a seesaw.

  • It’s always gonna go back and forth and the sooner that you can realize that everyone

  • is going back and forth, you can just relax.”

  • Because I just kept thinking I wasn't doing something right.

  • Like, what have I still not learned in 12 years of running the same company that I can

  • always have days where I feel like I didn't work enough or I wasn’t at home enough or

  • where is that balance?

  • And then I talked to so many women, especially working moms, that were like, “You know

  • what?

  • There are going to be days where you can’t go to the soccer game, or days when you can’t

  • be at that meeting you wish you could be at.

  • And that’s alright, no one can be everywhere and be everything to everyone.”

  • And that, I think hearing enough women say that to me face-to-face in this very heartfelt

  • way, it just finally got through.

  • And so it’s…

  • I just feel so much calmer at work now.

  • I’m like, ok, that’s…

  • I’m sorry I wasn’t there when you needed me to be, but I’ll try to do better next

  • time.

  • And justand that understanding is just it’s a level of peace in my business I didn't

  • know I could find.

  • That’s really beautiful.

  • You know, I was at a friend’s book launch the other night and there was a few of us

  • onstage and I forget what the question was to me, but I just felt the need to say like,

  • forthere’s 800 people in the audience and I was like, you know, you think that us

  • sitting up here, like, have all our shit together.

  • We do not.

  • And it reminds me of kind of what youre talking about.

  • Whenever people ask me, like, how do you balance it all?

  • I’m like I actually really suck at it.

  • You know, I am not good at it at all.

  • It’s caused problems in my relationships, it’s caused a lot of stress.

  • Like, I’veweve talked about it many times in the show.

  • I love my work, I can

  • I can do it almost nonstop.

  • And so I love you sharing this so it can open up that discussion so more women aren’t

  • beating themselves up thinking that they're doing something wrong.

  • Because that’s a place you can always live in.

  • Yeah and you can learn from those moments.

  • And I’m gonna call you out because I was watching your Super Soul Sunday session

  • Yes.

  • ...where you talked about the airplane ticket.

  • Yes!

  • And I… in that moment Julia and I were both like, “Oh, weve been there before,”

  • where youre like I can pull this off.

  • I can do everything at every moment.

  • And sometimes you have to have those moments to remind you, like, “Oh, ok.

  • I’m not Superwoman.

  • I don't have to be.

  • That’s totally ok.”

  • And none of us are.

  • No matter how many times you are on television or have perfect hair and perfect makeup and

  • a perfect house, your life isn’t going to be perfect.

  • And I think the sooner everybody understands that, you know, magazine stories and television

  • stories and theyre allthere’s a team of 40 people behind them styling and, you

  • know, zhushing everything.

  • Everything.

  • And they weren’t perfect when they arrived.

  • And I understand why that all exists and we all like to look at beautiful things, myself

  • included, but I also just really appreciate the moments in life where things are a little

  • crooked and a little off.

  • And they fall apart.

  • Like I was sharing the past couple of weeks for us just, and for me specifically, has

  • been really stressful.

  • A friend of mine texted me and was like, “Hey,” we were talking about something business related,

  • and besides that, how are you?”

  • And I wrote back, “Actually, not that good.”

  • Like, I'm physically I’m ok, but there’s a shitstorm happening around me that I just

  • it’s not fun at the moment and I don't expect it to be fun for a little while.

  • But, you know, thanks for asking.

  • And it was such a wonderfully real conversation just via text and it was so great to not say

  • I’m fine.

  • Yeah.

  • And why do we feel the pressure to do…?

  • I feel women in particular feel that pressure to be like, “It’s alright.

  • Everything’s fine.

  • Oh, no.

  • It’s busy, but I’ve got it under control.

  • Just grinding it out,” like that sort of thing.

  • And it’s not.

  • And I remember you and I emailed earlier this year right when I was in the thick of my diagnosis

  • and we were gonna do something together and I was so excited but that I could barely put

  • both my shoes on without crying.

  • And I just thought I have to just step down from everything right now.

  • And that’s so hard to say and I just had this moment of I’m letting everyone down.

  • But I just thought if I don't learn this lesson now when the most important thing in the world,

  • which is just your health and your existence, if that’s being threatened, like, when will

  • you learn that lesson?

  • And that’s really helped me be a little bit better at being if someone says like,

  • Hey, how are you today?” and I’m like, “Had better days.”

  • And it gives you a chancethen that other person feels comfortable to say that too.

  • And that kind of, I don't know, like someone else pushes the door open and then everybody

  • else feels a little bit more comfortable to be vulnerable.

  • Yeah, and to be real.

  • I think there’s probably an important distinction.

  • I can hear our audience saying, “Well, what’s the difference between that and complaining?”

  • And I think there is probably an important distinction.

  • I think, you know, for most of us, being real, like what you said, and just saying, “Hey,

  • I’m actually having a tough day.”

  • You know, you can still keep the perspective of having gratitude that youre alive, that

  • youre breathing, that you have a roof over your head, that compared to millions of other

  • people, yes, your life is fine.

  • And you can be honest about struggling, you can be honest about not feeling so good or

  • going through something that’s really difficult and youre not quite sure what to do.

  • And I think both of those things can exist.

  • I think you can be a real human and not necessarily get sucked down into this place of negativity

  • or complaint.

  • Yeah.

  • I think the more that people, and especially in business, accept that it’s never black

  • and white.

  • It's never this or that.

  • It’s always the and.

  • It is just always.

  • And I’ve learned that from my wife Julia who just kind of fully embraces this idea

  • of and and everything.

  • And if you can accept that the people you admire who are up on stages, that they also

  • have bad days and they also have moments where things don't work out or they get rejected

  • or these things that we associate with just not having made it yet.

  • That all exists alongside the good moments too.

  • And it allows people that we admire to be fully formed human beings and to have days

  • that suck or they do something wrong and that’s totally ok.

  • This has been such a beautiful conversation.

  • Thank you so much for coming on again.

  • I love talking to you.

  • Thanks for having me.

  • Weve got to do it more.

  • Youre welcome.

  • So everybody, if youre watching this and you don't yet have this beautiful book, In

  • the Company of Women, you should definitely, definitely get your hands on it.

  • Give it to your friends.

  • Give it to your guy friends, your girl friends, anyone who would be inspired with 100 makers,

  • artists, and entrepreneurs with tons of inspiration and advice.

  • So I can’t wait to keep in touch and hear what’s going on next.

  • Thanks for coming on.

  • Me too.

  • Thanks, Marie.

  • Now Grace and I would love to hear from you.

  • So we talked about so many amazing things today.

  • I would love to know what is the single biggest insight that youre taking away from this

  • conversation.

  • And, if applicable, how can you put that insight into action right now?

  • As always, the best conversations happen after the episode over at MarieForleo.com, so go

  • there and leave us a comment now.

  • We can’t wait to see what you have to say.

  • Now, if you are there and you are not yet subscribed to our email list, you should really

  • do so.

  • Youll become an MF insider.

  • And when you do that, youll get instant access to a little audio training I created

  • called How to Get Anything You Want.

  • Youll also get some exclusive content and special giveaways and insider updates from

  • me that I just don't share anywhere else.

  • So stay on your game and keep going for your dreams because the world needs that special

  • gift that only you have.

  • Thank you so much for watching and well catch you next time on MarieTV.

  • B-School is coming up.

  • Want in?

  • For more info and free training go to JoinBSchool.com.

  • I had too much coffee.

  • We could do like an Aaron Sorkin style interview, just walk everywhere.

  • Get that energy out.

  • I thinkyou know what?

  • That may be our next evolution because I’m, like, feeling like a caged

  • Walking, talking, walking, talking.

  • Yes.

  • Everyone sitting?

  • I see someone walking.

  • Put a seatbelt on.

  • This is your last zhush, you know that, right?

Hey, it’s Marie Forleo and you are watching MarieTV, the place to be to create a business

Subtitles and vocabulary

Click the word to look it up Click the word to find further inforamtion about it