DAVID: Oh, wow.

That was amazing.

Thank you.

NAN: Oh, anytime.

Since that's your first session, it's $125, plus all

that stuff you broke and two chocolate milks--

DAVID: Oh my god, you know what?

I just realized I don't have any money.

Can I go to the ATM machine?

NAN: I got a better idea.

How about you take me out to dinner tonight?

DAVID: Well, hell, yes.

NAN: Great.

I'll see you then.

DAVID: Ooh, going to dinner.

Wanna kiss your abs.

Gonna kiss your a--

[PHONE VIBRATES]

DAVID: Oh.

Hello?

LUCY: Darling, it's Lucy.

Do you remember me, the beautiful investment banker

from London?

I'm going to be in New York tonight just for one night and

I thought I'd call you.

My boyfriend broke up with me.

Long story.

Will you have supper with me tonight?

DAVID: Tonight?

Yeah.

Uh, I'll--

I'll be there.

Somehow.

MILES: Let me get this straight, David.

You've got dates with two different beautiful women

tonight, and you're complaining about it?

Man, I wish I had your problems.

[LAUGHTER]

DAVID: No, but seriously, what am I going to do?

FEMALE SPEAKER: Why don't you just reschedule your personal

trainer for another night?

MALE SPEAKER: That'll never work.

DAVID: Great.

Now I'm back to square one.

MILES: I've got it.

I still have that maitre d' costume that I wore to last

year's Sorority Costume Ball.

DAVID: Wait a minute.

MILES: Yeah.

[FRENCH ACCENT]

Right this way.

Ah.

I think that you'll find this table to

your liking, Mr. Wain.

DAVID: It's perfect Miles.

[BOTH STUTTERING]

DAVID: Ah, Monsieur.

So.

NAN: So.

DAVID: Thanks so much for that great workout.

I'm sorry I couldn't keep up.

NAN: Oh, no.

Don't be silly.

I mean, you're just starting out.

MILES: I'm sorry Mr. Wain, but it seems that you have left

your headlights on in your car so you might want to--

DAVID: Oh, wow.

Would you excuse me for just one second?

I got to turn the headlights off, I guess.

NAN: He doesn't have a car.

MILES: [NERVOUS LAUGH].

Ching-chong.

Ching-chong.

DAVID: Taxi.

Take me to Lopez y Gonzalez Restaurant

downtown and step on it.

TAXI DRIVER: You got it boss.

[SNAPPY SAXOPHONE MUSIC PLAYING]

MILES: Buenos noches, Senor--

Senorita.

DAVID: Lucy, I'm so sorry I'm late.

Tell me everything.

LUCY: Ah.

It's a long story.

You know, Nigel just wasn't the bloke for me.

DAVID: Right.

LUCY: He was too, you know, Scotland Yard.

In fact, the night we first met I realized--

DAVID: OK, you know what?

Could you excuse me one second?

I want to ask the chef, uh, if he can make this amazing dish,

Taco Supreme.

It's so good, it's a joke.

You'll love it.

LUCY: Great idea.

Hurry back.

DAVID: Back uptown to the Hamhock.

TAXI DRIVER: Whatever you say, Mack.

DAVID: Hey.

Sorry about that.

Locked my keys in the car.

NAN: Should we order some dessert?

DAVID: Um--

MILES: I'm sorry, Mr. Wain, but it seems you've left your

headlights on again.

DAVID: Oh, again.

It's a long story.

TAXI DRIVER: Now I've seen everything.

DAVID: Hey, uh, so it turns out the chef

doesn't have Taco Supreme.

Uh, I guess they're out of cheese.

NAN: That's a shame.

But they do have a delicious--

DAVID: Uh, uh.

Excuse me, one-- one second.

I have to do--

blah, blah, blah.

NAN: Yes, uh, you should take care of that.

DAVID: Oh no!

TAXI DRIVER: I coulda retired.

Been laying on the beach somewhere.

DAVID: Miles, next time just ride in the cab with me.

It's not like we're trying to fool the cab driver.

Sorry.

Those pesky headlights have a mind of their own.

Where were we?

NAN: Why are you wearing different glasses?

DAVID: What?

Ah.

Oh my God.

Ah, er, I--

Oh boy.

NAN: Wait a minute.

Are you telling me--

The maitre d's not even French.

MILES: Ah, Jesus.

You got me.

DAVID: I'm sorry.

I'm such a jerk.

NAN: Oh, no.

DAVID: A big jerk.

NAN: You're not a jerk.

It's OK.

I forgive you.

DAVID: No, no, wait a minute.

Hold on.

I've still got Lucy waiting for me at the other

restaurant.

LUCY: Not anymore.

This kind taxi driver explained the

whole thing to me.

Now I get it, and I forgive you.

TAXI DRIVER: Well, it just goes to show you that as the

great writer Raymond Hull once said, "he who trims himself to

suit everyone will soon whittle himself away."

[MUSIC PLAYING]

FEMALE SPEAKER: Tell me something about yourself

David, something you haven't told anybody else before.

DAVID: OK.

Well, when I was a kid I had this dog named Rufus.

And, um, one day I, like, whipped out my dick, and I

fucked Rufus.

FEMALE SPEAKER: Haha!

That's so cute.