into the aftermath of the Big Bang, as it were. So, how better to cleanse my palate

than by going to the other extreme of the spectrum: the system’s swan song. The capstone

on the machine’s nine-year run of excellence, a run in which “Nintendo” became synonymous

with video games in America.

Wario’s Woods hit the NES in 1994, becoming not only the last game on that system, but

the only one to carry an official ESRB rating. It’s a wonderful tale of... well, of blowing

up monsters inside hollow trees. You’d think that’d cause a pressure differential and

cause the entire thing to explode... but apparently these trees are made of stronger stuff. In

a fairly radical departure from the standard mode of object-dropping puzzle gameplay, you

have no control over what falls where, but all kinds of authority on the floor of the

tree itself.

Your Toad, a comfortable one unit square, regulates the descending masses (and whatever

stack of monsters started out in the tree) by picking up, kicking, running up and over,

flipping, and otherwise arranging them in colored rows. Complete three-in-a-row of a

particular color, including at least one bomb, and the whole lot explode... and I’d at

least expect Toad to pass out or start bleeding from the ears or something. But no! Our intrepid

hero continues on, arranging objects horizontally, vertically, or diagonally, until all the monsters

are annihilated, at which time gold rains down from the sky and he runs headlong into

the next tree full of monsters. You’d think he’d learn one of these times!

Anyway. Serving as an incentive to your expedient extermination is the threat of Wario interceding

and taking the place of your good friend Birdo up there. While Birdo has control of the situation,

only bombs will fall, thus facilitating your exorcism. Take too long though, and the flighty...

erm... thing... will take off, at which time Wario makes an appearance and starts raining

down more monsters (and thus, fewer bombs).

Adding to the confusion are more difficult monsters that add certain stipulations, such

as requiring two blasts in quick succession to be eliminated, or changing color after

one round of explosives, or requiring detonation in a particular direction. I’m not entirely

sure how that works, scientifically speaking, but then we’re back to Toad bleeding from

the ears and eyes. And frankly, that’s a place I’d rather not be. Man. NES games

get more and more difficult to digest the more Mythbusters you watch.

It’s a nice change of pace, and it’s a novel twist on the standard (read: rather

worn) puzzle mechanics. An SNES version came along with the NES, but since it wasn’t

the last of its kind, it’s not nearly as notable. Wario’s Woods was one of the first

games for the Wii Virtual Console, or you can obtain a copy in Animal Crossing if you’re

particularly lucky. I came looking for something different, and something different I did receive.

I’ll soon be back to scouring the big bang of the NES, but it’s helpful to know where

things end as you watch them begin.