...Alright...spikes

Let's go this way

Oh my god

Come on...come one... move it along

Oh fuck. Goddammit.

Alright, shoulda saw that comin

WHAT THE FUCK?

I'm gonna be here all fuckin day

...alrighhhttt

OH MY GOD NO HE TOUCHED IT

*sighs*

HOLY FUCK WHAT THE HELL

WHAT THE FUCK DO I DO THERE?

It's fuckin impossible. It's fucking- it's fucking impossible

You can't even get over there!

What the- WHAT THE FUCK?

How the fuck did I just get up there?

Holy. Shit

THAT WHOLE FUCKING THING IS JUST BULLSHIT

You fucking dick!

Fuckin apples. Fuckin apples. I spend 20 fucking minutes downstairs getting murdered

by fucking spikes and IT REALLY IS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE

AND NOW THERE'S FUCKING APPLES CRUSHING ME

Exploding my fucking corpse into a thousand pieces like fucking hand grenades

Fuck- I'm getting fucked by it! I'm getting fucked by fruit! It's a fruit fucker!

Hey, we're just fucking apples- they're just fucking apples- WAHH

Fucking crush your ass

Go. Go! Fuck!

THIS IS WHY I DON'T GO OUT SIDE. THIS IS WHAT HAPPENS

FUCK YOU NATURE

Go! There you go

Fucking goes down

It goes fucking down!?

Fuck your face off apples

How you like dem?

Apples!

There we go

Now we're movin!

Goddammit

C'mon...double jump

Fucking shift key twice

God, just jump right into it, just fucking suicide. Just right into it

FUCK. ME

Fuck. Fuck

Why do I have to hit the fucking R key? Like I- I don't get it

Fucking shift key, it does everything else!

Oh my gOD NO!

It does everything else and by everything I mean it jumps which is the only fucking thing you do in this game

Okay you can't fucking get up there

But every time you die, nope, hit that fucking R key just to piss you off

You gotta move your fucking hand and- and move it across the fucking keyboard to hit it

You can't get up there. You can't get up there

It's impossible

No! No that was-! No- IT IS FUCKING IMPOSSIBLE

Oh my god, no!

ON THE FUCKING CLOUDS NOT IN BETWEEN

Ohh my goood

Holy fuck, you gotta go around- NO!

You gotta go round...You- you can't go up top. It's like the first fucking room all over again

I've done two fucking rooms and they've fucked my mouth in both

Oh my god he hit the fucking side of the spike? He hit the fucking side of it?

Get. The fuck up there you stupid asshole

Thank yo- OH MY GO-

WHAT THE SHIT

[Frustrated noises]

Dude, I hate the fucking cloud because it went up but I FELL THROUGH IT

LOSE SOME FUCKING WEIGHT TUBS

He won't fucking get up there you stupid shit!

No wonder you wanna be the guy cause you fucking suck!

Where the stupid trap? Yeah, fuck you! FUCK YOU

Thank fuckin christ

Fucking invisible platforms or some shit?

Yup! Yup!

This is gonna be fuckin great

That's it. I swear to god- I swear to god. That is it

NO! NO! NO!

HOLY FUCK INDIANA JONES DIDN'T HAVE THIS PROBLEM IN THE LAST CRUSADE

HE DIDN'T FUCKING WALK ON THE BRIDGE AND GO WHAATT

FUCKIN BRIDGE DISAPPEARED I DON'T KNOW. THAT'S BULLSHIT. IT'S SUPPOSED TO FUCKING BE THERE

GAME OVER? FUCK YOU