true facts about marsupials marsupials. Marsupials

is this being the best shot it looks like pornography??

nature - that's better. Marsupials

- he just took it in the noodle. Marsupials are meta-theorians

a group of mammals that split off from are Eutherian ancestors over 160

million years ago

they may look like other mammals, but inside

marsupials are hiding something that doesn't exist

-what?? Marsupials lack the ability to grow a placenta

reaches an organ that looks a bit like a bloody pillow

it acts as a waste and nutrient exchange

and protects the baby from its mother's immune system

which allows human babies for example to mature inside the womb

trust me the cartoon version is much better-looking.

Lacking the protection of a placenta

Marsupial babies have to get the hell out quickly

the kangaroo baby emerges after only seven weeks in the

(laughs - oh my god) - it looks like a dog penis that's trying to escape!

run little red rocket, run! It is blind,

but remarkably has fully functional forelimbs

and it uses them to climb up the mothers mid-line

till it reaches the pouch. Looks looks like Voldemort

at the end of the series! (laughs) The pouch is a bit like a pocket

but it has nipples in it. The baby latches on to the nipple

and the nipple inflates inside the baby's mouth

forming a seal for the next one hundred days

the baby cannot let go, as it receives milk from its mother

to understand this, imagine putting on a blindfold been sniffing your way

across a shag carpet

until you found a nipple that was just as large as you were

and then thinking - I should put it in my mouth.

That is how a kangaroo do. I'll tell you right now

we are not going to talk about the Tasmanian Devil.

because that is not a polite way to eat that's

starting at the wrong end of the ice cream cone, if you know what I mean

I know it's in Australia and they do everything reverse down there,, you've

heard about the toilets

if you haven't, supposedly the Australian politics head in the toilet bowl and pees

upwards.

just the opposite of us. Really, who does that to a chicken??

the Wombat is another marsupial - (laughs) - are you trying to hide??

-it's effective. Unlike the kangaroo

it has a rear-facing pouch. This is because the wombat

digs and lives in burrows. Here we see

2 wombats, both good at digging but one is clearly an idiot.

On the plus side if you're a baby, a rear-facing pouch prevents you from

getting a mouth full of dirt. On the downside it means there is a butt-hole

directly in front of your doorway. They kind of break even.

Really. The marsupials penis - (sighs) - we always do this - why

-I don't want to talk about their penises - its - this should be about the majesty of

nature.

It's like reviewing and opera - and, i don't know, talking about Wagner's penis

No, I don't want research to google that, Jerry.

Fine. Most marsupials have two prong penises

and the female has between two and three vaginas. Which sounds like a math problem

But we have one to one and it's not like it's

not complicated so now you know. The Koala is perhaps the cutest the mall the

marsupials

but it appears to have received the short end of the evolutionary (bleep)

Jerry, don't bleep it like that- it sounds like I said (sighs) - don't even have to bleep

(bleep). The Koala lives mainly in the eucalyptus tree

and almost exclusively eats the eucalyptus leaf.

The eucalyptus leaf on the other hand has made it clear that it doesn't wanna

be eaten by anyone.

Aside from having very little nutritional value,

It is poisonous, and very hard to chew and digest.

To deal with this, the Koala has evolved a very long hind gut

which ferments leaves, sometimes for over 100 hours

a remarkable and complex adaptation that the Koala could've avoided by eating

pretty much

any other f*cking thing. Baby Koala's don't have the fully developed

piping to do this hind-gut fermentation

so instead they eat their mothers Freckle-pop - what is that - a little popsicle?

two words - fecal pap - oh - oh that's gross

fecal pap is a pre-digested greenish goo

like you know how a Cow regurgitates cud?

Well it's like that, except out of your ass.

-and you feed it to your child. The diets of most

herbivore marsupials pose another challenge - the coarse grasses and leaves

wear down there

teeth. Each has evolved a unique strategy to deal with this

the kangaroo has four sets of molars which moved forward as the front pairs

wear down

wombats have ruthless teeth that never stop growing

the koalas unique strategy is to have neither of these

so when its teeth wear down, it just starves to death.

Not only that, but the koala has the smallest brain-to-body mass ratio

of all the mammals.

And it has a smooth brain, which means that it hasn't evolved

the thinky-thinky parts. For example, if you pick eucalyptus leaves

which it eats, off the branch, and put them on a plate

the Koala doesn't know what to do with them. Not a genius animal

however this lack of brain gives the Koala a discrete

evolutionary advantage in that it does not give a f*ck

case in point - koala in the rain.

no f*cks given. None. Just remember

one day you might find a comfy little place to live

complete with food and shelter but if you notice that you wake up to a

butthole

every single day, it might just be time to move on

something something something marsupials

(song)