Hello, my name is Leo Lytel

I am fifteen years old

and I'm single

I've been single...let's see here...pretty much my whole life

Pretty sure it's because I'm unemployed, I live at home with my parents and I don't have a car

These are all big red flags, it's why I don't get much attention on match.com

I do however have a lot of success on tinder

where I am a buff 28 year old Georgetown medical student.

with a Porsche and a trust fund

Now, I'm a teenager

so I'm in that awkward phase of life, I'm kind of a mutant creature

part adult, part child

but I look back on the early years of childhood fondly

y'know those good old memories like when you get in the van and it turns out the man doesn't have any candy

course, nowadays candy won't cut it, we're in the 21st century

you need something like free wifi to up the anti

that's really all a kid wants any more, speaking from experience

and uh...

I wanna thank my mum and dad

for being so supportive of my comedy

my mum helps me book gigs

and uh my dad helps me write my material

so, I like to think I'm pretty far along in the entertainment industry because

I've got two things a lot of people strive to have.

I have a Jewish writer

and my agent is a girl I used to sleep with

thankyou

I'm leo Lytel

well its great to be here, I'm that excitied I'm beside myself

good evening everyone, we're the nelson twins

My names Justin

and this is my identical twin sister Sharon

we should tell you a bit about ourselves

we come from a small country town in New South Wales called Walbundrie and we used to be apprentice bakers

which in a coincidence because we're inbred

I nearly spit my tea

ahaha

Walbundrie was a small town it had one shop, one pub and one prostitute

mom found it pretty tough working three jobs

(Laughs)

Our mom didn't even know she was having twins until she was six months pregnant

and our dad was even more suprised

cos he had been in jail for three years

being twins we can send each other telepathic messages

but telstra found out about it

and it is now included in our cap plan

it's really frustrating knowing what each others thinking

we once played a game of rock, paper, scissors that lasted 3 years

I really hate going through airport security at the moment but I love flying

cos every time we catch a flight somewhere, I always sit at front of the plane and he seats at the rear then I tell the gay flight attendant to meet at back in 5 mins.

Thank You

Don't worry, I know what you are thinking.

Harry Potter has had a nasty quidditch accident.

Do you know what I can't stand

Sorry... Sorry, let me reemphasise.

Do you know what. I can't stand

But look on the bright-side

I have never had to queue at Disney Land

Now

Just

I am just going to throw a disclaimer out there.

If I do get too energetic.

Please stop me.

I want to keep my benefits.

Otherwise otherwise, how would I heat the Jacuzzi.

I'm joking. I'm joking.

It's a pool.

I was..eh..I was at the eh...

At the cinema seeing the new Jame Bond film the other day.

And it got me thinking you know.

Maybe I would have liked to have had a go at, you know, being James Bond.

But obviously I am a bit inhibited.

Ah Mr Bond, I have been expecting you.

(Wheezing)

(Cough)

No Lift