(inhales with nose)

AAAAAAAAAAHHHHHHHH!!!!!!

I was talking to a friend saying, "Oh , I know. I can do a video about the science fair, and y'know. Talk about how much it SUCKS!'

And she said, "Oh, at my school, we didn't do the science fair."

WHUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUUU---

That got me wondering. Did other people not do the science fair?

So, I did my own science experiment on Twitter.

I ran a poll and asked you guys if you even DID the science fair and whether or not you enjoyed doing it.

And 58% of said you DIDN'T have to do the science fair!

Like, that was way more than I expected!

That's the majority. I renamed this group of people "the lucky ones".

And when I asked if you enjoy doing it, 21% of you said you did enjoy it, and 21% of you said you didn't.

I know Twitter polls aren't the most accurate sources of data, but I think it's safe to say this is a pretty split issue.

Now I'm in the 21% of people who DIDN'T enjoy the science fair.

And don't get me wrong. I LOVE science!

Well, OK. That might not be true.

I really hated biology. And CHEMISTRY, that was - that was just a mess.

But PHYSICS, physics was OK?

Maybe I don't like science. I just like space and watching these.

Bill and Neil, they're my BUDDIES. Except Neil did hurt my feelings one time. We'll get back to that later.

Alright, so let me briefly go over what the science fair is for you lucky ones who didn't have to deal with that.

Apparently, it's a very "American" thing, right guys?

(Herotic, lightsen, Grian, and I Hate Everything saying they agree)

Basically, we started doing them, I want to say around 4th grade, and we do this every year up until the 10th grade.

And the whole class would spend all day researching a topic that interests them.

And then, we would have to come up with a question that we can run an experiment on.

An example of these questions are, "Does the temperature of a battery effect how long it will last?"

"What color light produces the most heat?"

"How does the shape of a rocket's fins affect its travel?"

All of which are projects I did.

Basically, this was supposed to teach you about the scientific method, but what it really did was teach us how to procrastinate and make up data.

And on paper, you might think, "Oh, that sounds like fun! I wish MY school did the science fair."

NO!

Here are some flaws with the science fair.

First, you got the option to work with a partner.

And of course you WANT to work with a partner so you can split up the work and not do as much.

Now since I... didn't have any friends, I would partner up with someone that no one else wanted to partner up with.

But they wouldn't do any of the WORK!

I only did the science fair with a partner ONCE.

From 5th grade on, I did my science fair projects alone.

The second problem is that we had to come up with a question all on our own.

And you gotta understand. We were just KIDS!

We don't think as cognitively as scientists do, OK?

Just a couple years ago, we still believed in Santa Claus. Except for me. My family didn't do Santa Claus.

And now you want us to wonder if the ratio of a cylinder will affect it's buoyancy? Like, come on!

And also, we don't have access to any resources.

You know, the science fair is a lot like an episode of Mythbusters.

But what sets apart the Mythbusters from your average 4th grader is that they're really smart engineers who have access to explosives.

While we can't drive to Walmart ourselves.

We have to ask our parents to take us.

One year, I wanted to do an experiment on a certain type of soil.

So, I did research, I wrote everything all up. But then, when I went to Home Depot to buy the soil, THEY DIDN'T EVEN HAVE IT!

So, I had to pick a NEW topic and start all over again!

Now do you see why I think the science fair SUCKS?

So OK. I think it would have been better in elementary school if we were assigned a question.

I know the whole point of these things is about discovery, but we're all stupid, OK?

I guess if you're anything like me and you chose a crappy question, you'll have a bad science fair.

My very first science fair after all day researching possible questions, me and my partner came up with a question, "What time of the day is the hottest?"

Now, I already know the answer to this question and in 4th grade, I'm pretty sure I knew the answer to this question, too.

It's noon. (Actually, it's around 3 P.M)

Like, I don't need to run an experiment on that.

In fact, I can just go to Google and seriously type "weather" and BOOM! There's my data right there. No need for an experiment.

But the science fair isn't just finding the answer to your question. No, no, no, no, no.

First after you researched the topic, you have to write a hypothesis.

A hypothesis is basically you GUESSING what you think the result of the experiment will be, but you don't write it down like "I think this will happen."

No. You write like you KNOW what's gonna happen.

A formula. (giggles) Formula. Science.

For a perfect hypothesis is "If blank, then blank, because blank."

Let's use my battery experiment.

I said, "Does the temperature of a battery effect how long it will last?"

So, after doing research on how batteries work, a hypothesis for this experiment would be:

IF two double a batteries are used at different temperatures, THEN, the battery in the hot temperature will not last as long, BECAUSE the battery's fluid will evaporate which damages...

the internal structure of the battery.

Spoiler alert. No. No, it doesn't.

I put 2 batteries outside, 2 in the freezer, I let them sit in, and then I plugged them into my Gameboy Advanced and they lasted the exact same amount of time.

I learned nothing.

So, you also have to write the materials you use for the experiment.

Then, you have to write the steps to do the experiment. The "procedures".

And you also have to write an introduction. Basically just bullcrap-ing what you're gonna do.

Then, you do the experiment A.K.A the FUN part.

Make sure to write down your results, because you have to make a graph.

You HAVE TO!

How do make a graph to show that batteries at different temperatures lasted the same amount of time?

They did. (giggles silently)

You think you're done, right? But no!

You gotta write up the results as if you graph didn't already perfectly depict that!

AND a conclusion.

The conclusion is like the most INSULTING part of the science fair.

You basically go through this checklist of questions that you answer.

Was your hypothesis correct?

No, my hypothesis was not correct.

What mistakes could you have made in your experiment?

I don't know. Maybe I took the batteries out of the cold and hot and put them in a room temperature Gameboy and in a couple of minutes, they both went to a room temperature.

I don't know.

How can others use this information you found?

Wha-t? WHAT DO YOU MEAN!?

All the batteries lasted the SAME.

I don't think anybody's gonna put their batteries in their freezer to have LITERALLY no effect!

Alright, and then you take everything you wrote, print it out, and slap it onto a poster board.

And everyone, and I mean everyone, would use construction paper as a border around the text to give the poster board a good aesthetic.

I think the second most fun part of the science fair was choosing what WordArt font you would use for your title.

Oh, and by the way, the teachers told us to have a creative title to catch people's attention.

Like that was part of the assignment!

We got graded on the title.

Basically, they were telling us to create puns.

For a grade.

If you're doing a project that's measuring plant growth, "Ready, set, grow!" That was a very popular choice.

And then everyone took their poster boards and presented it in front of the whole class.

Those were the three most boring days of science ever.

Except for the day you presented. That was the most stressful day.

And then after all that, everyone in the school put their poster boards up in the cafeteria and y'know, then it was fun to walk around and see how other people decorated their poster board.

And you can always tell whose mom helped them.

So overall, I didn't have a good time.

Those 21% of people did enjoy it, I'm glad you liked it.

But me and the other 21% of people think you're huge nerds.

And when I asked that Twitter question, I had some people messaging me saying, "Yeah, I got third place and all I had was a cup of dirt. Ha, ha, ha, ha."

And that made me wonder...

"Wait, it was a competition?"

So, I think the key to a good science fair is to come up with a good question and also do a topic that you actually enjoy.

One science fair, I did an experiment on rockets and I had a blast. (giggles) That would have been a good title.

But for another year, I did "What color light is the hottest?"

I just shined a lamp at a thermometer and switched out the bulbs.

I know I'll let Neil say what he thinks about that whole project.

OK, red light is warmer than blue light.

Interesting discovery, but not exactly revolutionary.

(sadly inhales)

(hurr) Thanks, Neil.

Yeah, just completely discredited all my reseach. I'm fine.

So, moral of the story. If you need an idea for a science fair project, do it on rockets.

You don't even need a question. Just launch model rockets.

Hey guys. Do you think tea is– is gross?

(Lightsen) Yeah.

(Herotic) Yep.

(Grian) Absolutely.

(IHE) Mmm hm.

(giggles)

Hey, do you think that it should be called "soccer" instead of "football"?

(Lightsen) Yeah.

(Herotic) Yep.

(Grian) Absolutely.

(IHE) Mmm hm.

This is– this is too much power for one person to have.

So let me just give you some updates about the merch store, OK?

I was originally just going to sell t-shirts, but then I contacted someone else and we got talking and...

I don't wanna spoil anything, but it's more than t-shirts now.

I'm just waiting for it to arrive in the mail so I can make a proper announcement video about it, but it's BIG. (that's what she said)

Sorry it took longer than expected.

Hopefully, it will be worth the wait.

Also, big thanks to my UK friends who were nice enough to send me audio of them agreeing to everything.

Speaking of science, hey guys. Do you think the metric system is a stupid way of measuring things?

(Lightsen) Yeah.

(Herotic) Yep.

(Grian) Absolutely.

(IHE) Mmm hm.

Hey guys. Do you think that you should wear your seat belt?

(Lightsen) Yeah.

(Herotic) Yep.

(Grian) Absolutely.

(IHE) Mmm hm.

(Herotic) I have cancer.