But the strange thing about being properly happy is that it's a state that requires us to learn and regularly

practice a slightly odd sounding related skill

knowing how to be sad

Everyday a lot of stuff happens to us which is in one way or another pretty hurtful

Someone doesn't call someone says no a project isn't going to work out

You'd think we then just spontaneously feel sad for a bit and that would be the end of it

But that's not ,it seems,how many of us actually work.

Frequently our minds which are squeamish by Nature

Rigorously shut out unfortunate negative feelings and go into a state of what psychologists called denial

Where difficult but true information is refused access

We may as a result of burying our feelings develop a number of symptoms

We can't sleep, bits of our bodies start a twitch, we develop an addiction

Or there's another option

We become extremely surely not happy as such

But brittle and insistent in a fake kind of upbeatness , the sort of happiness that can't tolerate any

sadness

Here's a couple Ben and Freya. There's a lot of sadness in Freya

But she's learned not to let any of it in to consciousness

So she's often extremely cheery and rather bad at picking up on other people's need to be sad

Let's watch a little film about these people

ah,what's wrong with you, looking all gloom?

Nothing to be gloom about, it's the weekend!

[what] should we do this weekend party party was it's all Friday Friday gotta get down on Friday

[we] love that don't you know what I think about the other day you're so good at karaoke. [I] love it when you do karaoke

Saturday night and I like the way you move yeah

You don't know you're ticklish around in here. You can [whisper] [all] open

We need to be sympathetic the origins of jolliness are pretty painful

They're often to do with having had a parent or early caregiver who for one reason or another

Couldn't tolerate problems or any difficulties

They were perhaps depressed or otherwise

Fragile so quite early on the manically jolly person got into the role of being an upbeat cheerleader

Not because they were but because they had to be

Pain is of course horrible thing to feel

But because it is a part of our reality we need to have the courage to allow it to work its way

Properly through our system. We need to learn to feel the pain of our lives authentically

Before it's joys can feel real as well

Pushing problems aside is deeply tempting but our pleasures will only feel authentic

when we've first given the pain all the space it truly deserves in our lives

We love bringing you these films if you want to help us to keep bringing you thoughtful

Content please consider supporting us by visiting our shop at the link on your screen

now