from a man named John Piper

who is a well-known Bible teacher

and he talks about marriage

and how this mystery refers to Christ and the church

and he says this

"Marriage is not mainly about prospering economically

It is mainly about displaying the covenant-keeping love

between Christ and his Church"

he says, "Knowing Christ is more important

than making a living

treasuring Christ is more important

than bearing children

either way, it is short

it may have many bright days

or it may be covered with clouds

but if we set our face to make of marriage

mainly what God designed it to be

no sorrows and no calamities can stand in our way

every one of them will be not an obstacle to success

but a way to succeed

the beauty of the covenant-keeping love

between Christ and his Church

shines brightest when nothing but Christ can sustain it"

Ian and I first met in 2005 at college

and had a blast for ten months getting to know each other

I was looking through and I found one of my favorite pictures

which I think was actually taken right before his accident

he set up a camera on his tripod

and it's just a classic Ian face

that, to me, sums up who he is

we had been dating for ten months

and he was working an extra job for his dad

and he was on his way to work near Pittsburg

and we got a phone call that he had been in an accident

and we didn't know if it was when he got to work

or on his way

and so we got down to Pittsburg

and I was just praying the whole time in the car

that it wouldn't be his brain

after being at the hospital for a few hours

we found out that it was

and he had been in brain surgery for a few hours

and had suffered a traumatic brain injury

God totally spared his life

one night he was failing four out of five brain activity tests

and the next morning he was doing well

and his brain was starting to respond again

I moved in with his family after the accident

so I was really involved in his therapy

and just did whatever I could to make his life fun

we'd go out on dates and, looking back, it's weird

cause he couldn't talk

and he couldn't eat

so we probably looked like complete weirdos being on dates

but we had a blast and I just talked to him all the time

I knew that before Ian's accident he was very serious

about marriage and was ring shopping

so I knew where he was

and that helped me so much

after he couldn't talk

I knew that he loved me

and I knew where he wanted the relationship to go

because we were dating very intentionally

we just prayed that marriage would someday happen

and watched all of our friends get married

and start having families

and that was challenging

but we just tried to hold out hope

that that would be us someday

This is our board of gratefulness

and we encourage anybody who comes in

to write a note of something they're thankful for

it could be really small

mine is just Saturday mornings

it's just a good way that we found to be

just practicing gratefulness

Ian, I think half of yours say, "My wifey"

yeah

which is pretty cool

yeah

we decided that we couldn't really

consider marriage as an option

until Ian was able to communicate

but if he could communicate with me

then we could have a marriage

knowing it would be really different

but as long as Ian could talk to me

then we could make it work

so once Ian began communicating

it became a little bit more of an option

and then we just kind of watched Ian progress

Hi, husband!

Hi, wifey!

How are you?

Fine. How are you?

What?

How are you?

I'm good, it's good to see you

How was your day? Good?

Good, yes

A conversation I had with his dad

it was one of those conversations

where I realized this could happen

then that August his dad was diagnosed with brain cancer

and at that point his dad's biggest concern was Ian and I

and whether or not we were going to get married

or step away from our relationship

he wanted us to make a decision

to move our lives in some direction

he passed away before he was able to see us get engaged

but that was a huge impetus in why we started to pursue engagement

throughout premarital counseling

we just used This Momentary Marriage

it was so helpful because John Piper talked a lot about

primary things and secondary things

which is real important for us

because we were walking out our marriage practically

Ian can't do the secondary things like working

or making a meal for me

everything that's primary, though, he can do

which is leading me spiritually

Ian always comes back to

the foundational truths of who God is

and kind of reels me back in from my emotions

and that's the most important thing

we have two friends that we're going through the book with

I think we've just been able to help them see

that maybe the little things that they're excited for

about marriage are worth being excited about

but they're not the end-all and be-all of their marriage

but we also have so much to learn

and we're learning from them

and things that they share

because our relationships are different

and we can glean different things from each other

I think what helped us in deciding to make

this commitment to each other

at least for me

is knowing that Ian wouldn't have left me

if the roles were reversed

and that we love each other and we know

that God is going to be faithful to our marriage

we're able to love each other

with, I think, a more Christ-like love

because of Ian's disability

and just understand that picture

a little bit better than if you were healthy

Do you agree?

Yes

What about God enables you to have a happy marriage?

You know...

What?

He's awesome!

He's awesome?

Yeah

"When all around my soul gives way He then is all my hope and stay."

Desiring God exists to spread the truth that

God is most glorified in us when we are most satisfied in him.