Las Vegas magician.

I did two tours of duty on Celebrity Apprentice.

I spent some time around Trump.

I know the way he works.

Penn. You raised a ton of money and a lot of people are going to be very happy with the job you've done.

I've just created right now, off the top of my head,

a "Donald Trump" card trick

that'll illustrate how he's running his campaign.

I'm opening this perfectly ordinary deck of cards

and you'll see that, uh, they are indeed all different.

Now, say, uhh, the campaign is a card trick, OK?

And say the American public

have been asked by Trump

to, uh, pick a card.

He fans the cards out like so

and acts like the selection of the card doesn't really matter.

It's an old magician's trick;

the selection of the card always matters.

But you have to be a certain kind of

nonchalant if you want to do a force.

And say they pick

this card right here.

Say they pick the, uh, Jack of Hearts

and Trump doesn't know that.

They then take the card, they put it back into the deck

OK?

That's how the campaign starts.

Don't forget it's the Jack of Hearts

it's somewhere in the middle of the deck.

He then gives the cards a shuffle

while he's talking.

Now the patter does not matter;

you can say absolutely

anything that pops into your head.

Let's say, uh,

I got a perfectly ordinary deck of cards here

and Mexicans are rapists.

Then you shuffle a little bit more

and you say, I still have a perfectly ordinary deck of cards here

and no Muslims into our country.

The First Amendment is essentially obliterated.

Then he gives them another little shuffle

and puts in a little bit more misdirection.

Shoot somebody and I wouldn't lose any...

... blood coming out of her ...

Lee Harvey Oswald

I don't remember!

Saying stuff like, uh,

soldiers who've died in battle

their parents might not attack me.

Probably, maybe, she wasn't allowed

to have anything to say, you tell me.

When election time comes,

after all this misdirection,

all this shuffling, all the handling of the cards,

he then has the card on top.

And clean-handed and just like this,

he produces the card and says,

"Is this your card?"

And it's the ...

Six of Hearts, not the Jack of Hearts.

CAUSE HE'S AN IDIOT!

He would never get it right.