Let's talk about that!

♪ (theme music) ♪

Good Mythical Morning!

You know cheese, it's the good part of broccoli and cheese soup.

There are over two-thousand distinctive, different certified types of cheese,

and there is a three-hour exam to become a certified cheese "professional."

That is a proper name.

-Really? -Yes.

Well, we are not certified

-cheese professionals, -Nope.

but I for one love cheese. I like cheese pizza,

I put cheese on Ritz Crackers, but it's not very sophisticated. My cheese

-experience is not very sophisticated. -Your palate?

Today we're going to be tasting some very sophisticated obscure cheeses--

-at least in terms of what we know -Uh-huh

and seeing if we can identify them based on taste alone!

It's time to play:

"Who Cut the Cheese, and What Did They Name it?"

Well, technically we know who cut the cheese. Chase cut the cheese,

-as he always does, but the question is: -Woah, woah, woah...

-Do we know-- -What are you trying to say?

Everything that you can think I'm saying, I'm saying it.

Oh, Okay.

But we are going to determine if we can identify the cheese.

Right, so what we have in front of us-- of course, we have our cheese boards--

the cheese will be presented to us, we'll taste it,

but we have a list of the cheese that we will be tasting.

And we're trying to, based on the descriptions of these cheeses,

match what we're tasting.

A cheese cheat sheet.

But basically, there's not a whole lot to go on, because we have the name.

Like, we're going to be tasting "Epoisses",

which comes from an unpasteurized cow.

Well, not an unpasteurized cow, but the cow's milk.

It's from the village of Epoisses, France, and it's aged six weeks.

We're gonna be tasting "Humboldt Fog", which is goat's milk cheese.

>From Humboldt County, California.

-Aged sixty days. -Oh, hm!

Uh, "Cambozola", pasteruized cow milk from Germany.

-Patented in 1970. -You can patent a cheese!

So, a relatively new cheese.

Hm, guess only they can make it. "Torta del Casar"

is unpasteurized sheep from Casar de... [mumbles]

(both) Spain. (crew laughs)

Aged sixty days, minimum.

We're gonna be tasting "Hooligan"!

Unpasteurized cow milk from Colchester, Connecticut.

I've never wanted to taste a hooligan.

Aged sixty days.

And finally, we're going to be tasting "Rachel".

(crew laughs)

Which is an unpasteurized goat cheese.

-Named Rachel? -From Somerset, England.

Named after an old flame of the cheesemaker.

-Oh, Rachel! -Ohhh!

"Come back to me Rachel, I named a cheese after you!"

-How pathetic is that? -So this is not blind,

there's no blindfolds in this. We're just gonna have the cheeses brought,

and then we're gonna do a little mixing and matching with our cheese flags!

Let's do it!

♪ (jaunty piano music) ♪ (both) Round One!

Okay, here it is. You know what this is, but we do not.

Let's taste it using our toothpicks.

What is that on top, like an edge? Of some sort of plaster?

Ooh! It's nice.

It has a nice...what do you say? What is the correct cheese term?

-Aroma. -It has a nice smell.

Oh, it doesn't smell bad. Let me taste it.

Mmm, wow!

-I don't love cheese as much as Rhett does -I love it as much as I do.

-That is good. -It's very strong

Oh, you know what's up for grabs here?

A grilled cheese sandwich, Link. That's the prize.

Made out of all the cheeses of your choice

and then the nasty ones, the loser has to eat.

Okay, I feel pretty strongly.

This has-- this one has a very 70's vibe.

I don't--I don't think it's a cow though. yeah.

I'm--I'm thinking that this is, um, an aged sixty-day goat.

You think it's a patented in 1970 Cambozola?

It feels very 70's. Cambozola for me.

I'm going with the Californian Humboldt Fog.

I'm not a--I'm not a fan. If that's-- Whatever it is, I'm not a fan.

So we're already starting off in different places, huh?

Yeah, bleh.

-Okay. -My breath's gonna be great after this

Let's keep going!

♪ (jaunty piano music) ♪ (both) Round Two!

Okay! Our second cheese requires a spoon to consume.

I smelled that when Chase set it down and...it's strong!

-Oh gosh, I thought that one was strong! -That one was mild.

-Oh this is... -Your world, your cheese world

is about to be rocked.

Christy would love doing this, but... she loves cheese like you do, but...

Oh I know about Christy's love for cheese.

-Now, this does not smell.. -That's why I made that

macaroni sculpture for her...

Which I still have.

Sometimes we get together and eat cheese.

Shut up!

(Link and crew laugh)

(imitating Link) "Shut up!"

Now, actually, I don't think this

-smells strong. -It doesn't smell strong.

It smells good! Smells like pudding.

-Mmm! It's very... -You gotta admit that's good!

Very smooth.

"Very pudding-y" is how I would say if I was applying for the

certified cheese board. I'd be like,

(snooty voice) "Mmm, it's a very pudding-y cheese..."

Are any of these gonna be, like, sliced and individually packaged in plastic?

'Cause that's what I'm used to.

That's cheese product, Link. That's not cheese.

I'm going to--I feel like this has a French flair to it.

-Oh...hah, you do? -And, uh

-Nah, man... -I'm gonna call this one...it's actually

"Epoisses", it's not "Epwaah", I said it wrong, sorry Alex Trebek,

It's actually "Epoisses"

I'm saying this has got Connecticut written all over it.

It's very mild, as we've said, so I'm going with the Hooligan

unpasteurized cow cheese.

Well, to each his own, Link.

Round Three!

Look at this! We got another cheese on another board.

Now I can look at this, and I already have a theory as to what it is.

You know what? That's the funny thing, is that, you eat cheese off the board,

but there's probably a "Cheese Board" that makes the decision

whether or not we're joining the "Cheese Board".

I think so far, they're not happy with us.

-Oh, no no, they've got two new candidates -this smells...

-for the cheese board. -this smells...

This smells, uh, this doesn't smell too surprising.

Oh, almost fruity!

-Fruity? -Almost fruity!

...not fruity, almost fruity.

...Excellent!

(crew laughing)

WOW!

It's hitting me in so many places!

And I'm enjoying every one of 'em!

-Is that not great?? -I'm with you.

The more it stays in your system,

the better it gets, really!

-Now there's a fact on here... -Mmm!! Mmm.

-...about the Torta del Casar:

"The milk is curdled using a coagulant found in the pistils of the cardoon,

a wild thistle." And this has a very vegetative flavor to it.

And that is why I'm going to say Torta Del Casar.

So you think that's a sheep, huh?

I know that's sheep. Actually, I don't.

-I mean, I'm using-- -I don't think that's sheep, because--

I'm using reason, but I don't feel confident in any of my reasons.

I don't think that I'm going to like sheep And I really like that.

What you got against sheep?

-What have sheep ever done to you? -Um, so...

-I'm never eating anything from a sheep or -Sheep do nothing but...

-...part of a sheep that I liked.

What about wool sweaters?

I don't eat them!

I appreciate the sheep, and what they offer.

I am believing that this has got 70's written all over it.

Which is a portmanteau of two other cheeses, I'm told.

Gorgonzola and Cambodia cheese.

Yeah, yeah, yeah, yeah. The Cambodia cheese is one of my favorites!

Round Four!

Okay, we have another...pudding-y cheese.

It looks like cheese goop encased in, like, some sort of heinous bread.

It does look like a big ol' like...

-It's very moist on the outside. -...biscuit-ish type thing, doesn't it?

Let's dig in.

-I'm digging in over here, so I can... -I'm diggin' right here.

-...take the edge off of this one.

Oh, man.

[Link] Ooh, that is some runny, runny [Rhett] Wh-OOO!

(crew laughs)

Oh!

Link, you're gonna have a tough time.

It's like adhesive.

-It looks like adhesive, and it smells -It's caulk!

-as strong as...it could be-- -It's caulk!

-Caulk cheese... -Did y'all stuff a biscuit with caulk?

(Link and Crew laugh)

(trucker accent)"Wouldn't be the first time!"

"You gotta fill up that biscuit with somethin' "

Okay, I'm going for it.

Ooh!

Woah!!

IT'S BITING MY TONGUE! (Rhett clapping)

I don't wanna be on the Cheese Board.

Oh my goodness!

You sure thats...okay?

Ew.

Ew. After you swallow it...

-Hah-haaa

Ew...the animal comes out of it.

Oh, man.

There's a lot of animal in this one!

And that animal doesn't moo.

I do feel you there.

I think that this one is the Torta, but I've already selected the Torta.

However, we are gonna have the opportunity to change at the end,

so I'm not gonna panic.

I could see somebody...if you had a bad relationship with Rachel.

You could name the cheese this. 'Cause like,

"Man, she was so specific. And she was... everytime...

-"She was very sheepish." -...I'd hang out with her..."

I'm gonna go with Rachel here.

But you know you--you think you...ooh!

-You think you're gonna change that later. -She was very mushy.

(Crew laughs)

That Rachel was very mushy!

-Mmm. -Okay. Keep goin'.

Round Five!

Looky here people, another cheese on another board.

-I'm still tasting that one. -Bleh.

Which I'm calling Rachel. I think I'm wrong, but I'm still tasting Rachel.

Now, um...this cheese does not look well.

It's got like, some white moldiness.

Eugh.

Ooh, it's soft.

That one gets you right in the nose.

-This doesn't smell bad to me at all! -Man, I was feeling so--

Are you saying it smells bad to you?

Smell mine.

Eugh! Is that your...finger?

No, I think it's because I got a little of that crazy edge. Do you not get edge?

I didn't get edge. Let me get another one that has edge, and smell it.

Yeah, that's a little high-smelling.

I was so confident - when I was starting - but I've lose all confidence in my choices

-Yeah, this is-- -My brain is cheesed out, right now.

Let's just go on a cheese trip here, though.

All right, go on.

-Nuh-uh. -Ew.

No sir.

Guys, this is getting bad!

Don't wanna ride this train.

First time I went to Sundance I met a French woman whose breath smelled like this.

(Rhett and crew laugh)

-You remember her? -I tried to forget her, until now...

She was a high society woman, got right up in your face.

...in your face, and like "wah wah wah"

She was like an old rich lady.

I've only got two choices left. Because that one did things I don't like--

I can only imagine that the last one is gonna do more things I don't like.