Stuttering pathetic charm is as

Appealing to me as closing my

Scrotum in a DVD case.

Are these real or do you

Make them up to be especially nasty?

Kate Hudson is a dead-eyed

Trash bag that smells like low tide.

Greg Kinnear

Stars in holy [BLEEP] who

Gives a [BLEEP] coming soon.

Chris Evans is a stupid

Bearded sweater wearing dumb

Dork.

Melissa McCarthy is the Medea

of white people.

Jane Lynch had bigger

[BLEEP] than Ultimate Warrior.

Norman Reedus, I can fit two

Firsts and a leg in my [BLEEP].

Hit me up.

Okay.

I'll do it.

Tongue punch in the fart box

is a neglected phrase.

Use it today.

Example: Margot Robbie deserves

a tongue punch in the fart box.

Wow.

Anthony Mackie is probably.

Angry that he looks like a

[BLEEP] Aardvark.

Judd Apatow has completely

ruined manhood.

Olivia Wilde's forehead is

the same size as my left ass

cheek.

and I weigh 250 pounds.

So I'll let you imagine just how

big that must be.

Paul Rudd is the most boring.

vanilla dude.

You know he just sits at home

with his wife having a bland

spaghetti dinner, talking about

his day.

That's pretty funny.

Why does Ryan Gosling always

Look like he's trying to squeeze

a fart out without making any

noise?

Has Zac Efron ever been in a

Film where he didn't play a

total douche?

I've never seen one of his

Films, I'm just judging by his

face.

How how I loathe Nickelback.

P.S. [BLEEP] you Wanda

Sykes.

Russell Crowe is delightfully

paradoxical in that he is a huge

[BLEEP] with a small penis.

Bryan Cranston looks like Jim

Carrey impersonating Matthew

McConaughey.

All right, all right,

ALRIGHTY THEN!

I keep forgetting that Kiefer

Sutherland isn't dead.

Well, whoever wrote this, if it

makes you feel better, it's not

for a lack of trying.

Oh, yeah, and [BLEEP] you.

[ LAUGHTER ]