I'm gonna talk about substitute teachers!

I wanna say for the most part, we all like having subs.

You like, walk into the classroom, expecting it to be a normal day, and you glance over at the teacher,

and BOOM, it's a sub!

YES! Don't have to try today.

Most subs are pretty cool, they don't really care too much either.

and everyone just ends up having a nice easy break day.

They have this attitude like:

"OK, so I'm just gonna pop in a movie or something... do whatever you want, I'm just here to make sure you don't all

go miley cyrus wild and poke some kid's eye out with a ruler.

But sometimes they don't care too much and it gets kinda weird...

Like once, I had a Math sub, where we were just doing a worksheet or something, and this girl behind me was

eating carrots. But all of a sudden, she started choking on one of her carrots and was like

gasping and gagging and stuff.

And everyone turned around and was mortified.

wut.

what do we do!?

We all looked over at the sub for help and guidance or... something because of all people, he should have a plan.

And he was just... looking at her, not doing anything,

I'm sure, if the girl could've spoke at that time, she would've said:

"FREAKIN', I'M CHOKING ON A CARROT HERE!"

"WHAT ARE YOU LOOKING AT?!"

"DO SOMETHING, YOU BUFFOON! AAGH!"

So for a small period of time, everyone was just helplessly looking at this poor girl choking on a carrot.

No one knew what to do!

FINALLY, one guy got up and did the choking Heimlich Procedure they teach us.

It was so legit! He even did the "are you choking" question like they say you have to.

If you haven't heard of the technique, or... for some reason they've changed it,

The steps are:

Approach the person and ask "are you choking?"

Do not proceed if they are not choking.

*laugh* it actually says that..

Get behind the person and wrap your arms around their waist. Be ready to support them if they faint.

Take your fist and place the thumbside against their belly, just above their belly button.

Grab the fist with the other hand, and thrust into the belly.

And the final step is: repeat thrusts until the object pops out, or until the person faints.

So... the girl didn't faint, he actually got the carrot out of her throat. and everyone was... relieved.

And after all that hollabalu, we all kinda looked over to see what the sub had to say about the situation,

and.. nothing! :O

He just watched the situation with a blank-slate look on his face! Like, what the heck! What are you?

I've never seen less of a reaction from such a big situation from anyone in my entire life.

he should make a reaction channel, come to think of it...

He'd blend in with most of the people on YouTube doing it already.

Anyway, enough with Mr. Blank-Slate.

I remember when I was in high school, we had kinda a main group of substitutes that were common to have

when a teacher called in sick or something.

And there was this one old man guy, that everyone knew, *pause*

and absolutely HATED.

And before you say something like: "Oh Jaiden, that's kind of rude to say."

In our defense, he hated us too.

Whenever a person walked in and saw him sitting behind the teacher's desk, the immediate thought would be:

"oh ffff- crap, it's gonna be a rough day today."

No one had to say it...

but we were all thinking it.

"OK Jaiden, so what was he like?"

Oh, stand up, so you can sit down because I'm gettin'- getting started.

Take the strictest person you know...

..and throw them out the window because this guy is now that person.

I think he saw himself as a military instructor leading juvenile delinquents because he wanted every child to be

behaving:

Perfectly. To a T. No funny business.

and... yeah, that's not gonna happen in a high school, sooooo there's problem one...

He would start every class with the same lecture:

"Alright, sit down and zip up because we're taking attendance. If I hear any talking, you're being written up.

I don't tolerate jokesters in my classroom."

"I'm going to call out your last name, followed by your first name. And if I don't hear you say "Present" then

you're being marked "Absent". You should be paying attention because you only have one chance.

and I'm not calling names twice.. if I pronounce your name wrong, CORRECT ME. Alright, here we go."

He says that exact paragraph every time he starts a class, and I know it because I've had him enough times

to have it power-washed into my head. I kinda wanna believe he has it written down in frame somewhere in

his house, so he can proudly look at it before he goes to bed every night.

And he actually gets mad if you don't correct him if he pronounces your name wrong.

*lol*

I know from experience. I don't care when people pronounce my name wrong, it happens all the time.

I've gotten used to it.

So I thought I wouldn't make a big deal out of it.

"Aneemations..."

"Jai-aiden."

"Here."

"Did I say that correctly?"

"it's close enough."

"CORRECT ME NEXT TIME!"

uh- sorry? *lols*

He reminds me of, if like Oscar the Grouch had a pet lemon, but the lemon was expired by 2 months

and he keeps forgetting to throw it away.

Like, "Aww crap, the lemon!"

"ahh, I'll do it tomorrow."

And he doesn't do it tomorrow...

So.. I'll call him Mr. YetToBeThrownOutLemon.

just for simplicity.

I truly don't know why Mr. YetToBeThrownOutLemon worked as a substitute teacher.

Because you could just SEE the child hatred in his eyes.

Somehow, he made everyone in the class feel uncomfortable just by existing.

So lemme tell u a STORY about Mr. YetToBeThrownOutLemon.

We had him in a Biology class once. and... we were just gonna work on a paper he had to pass out.

"Alright, we're going to be doing a worksheet today. If I hear any talking, YOU'RE BEING WRITTEN UP. This is an

individual worksheet, so there's absolutely no reason to talk to ANYONE at all during this hour."

"Everyone, come up to the front of the room right now and grab a paper.

"Umm, Mrs. Grapes does it so each person at a table has a number and she calls out a random number, and that

person just gets up and gets the paper for the rest of the table so it's easier to-"

"I WILL NOT HAVE SLAVES IN MY CLASSROOM!"

WHAT DID HE JUST SAY?! *lols*

This man just compared picking up papers for other classmates to SLAVERY.

SLAVERY!!!

Good god! I dee- auHH

So we did it his way, the 34 of us all got up at the same time, and shuffled to the front of the room,

awkwardly squishing together, to grab a paper from the one pile he made for us."

You. are. a fruitcake.

A did a lot of other weird, over-the-top things, but this was by far the best thing I've ever witnessed from him.

Oh, Mr. YetToBeThrownOutLemon.

You're a real piece of work.

"No talking."

"I'm going to call out your last name, followed by BLUEEGH BLUEEGHP."

"This is an individual worksheet to su- buffa vullafins reasons."

"I will not have sclaffles in my classroom."

i don't know what those are.

"This is an individual worksheet to sol the jump puffs LA TE EARF."

WEEH *coughing* HA HAHG.

*zombie sounds???*

metal gear...

"Jaiden, is there a Jaiden here... Ja-aiden... a Jaiden."

"ani... anim.. animations of jaiden. is there a ANIMATIONS JAIDEN. JA-JAIDEN. WHAT THE FFFU-"