No question --

毫無疑問——

it's crucial that young people understand the ground rules for consent,

年輕人應該在「你情我願」之前掂量下那幾條鐵則—— 這是極其重要的，

but that's where the conversation about sex is ending.

但這時關於「性」的討論就止於秘而不宣了。

And in that vacuum of information

在沒有相關「知識」的情況下，

the media and the Internet --

媒體和網路——

that new digital street corner --

在那虛擬世界的角落——

are educating our kids for us.

正替我們「教育」着孩子們。

If we truly want young people to engage safely, ethically,

如果我們真的想讓年青人在「性」方面 既安全、又道德——

and yes, enjoyably,

當然，也很享受，

it's time to have open honest discussion about what happens after "yes,"

那麽是時候對那句「好啊」 之後發生的事進行開誠布公。

and that includes breaking the biggest taboo of all

這就包括打破最大的「忌諱」，

and talking to young people

以及向年輕人說清楚

about women's capacity for and entitlement to sexual pleasure.

女性的能力所在， 以及獲得性快感的權利。

Yeah.

對，是這樣。

(Applause)

(掌聲)

Come on, ladies.

來吧，女士們。

(Applause)

(掌聲)

I spent three years talking to girls ages 15 to 20

我與 15 到 20 歲的女生交談了三年，

about their attitudes and experience of sex.

關於她們對「性」的態度和體驗。

And what I found was

最後我發現

that while young women may feel entitled to engage in sexual behavior,

年輕女孩們或許覺得自己對性行為有自主權，

they don't necessarily feel entitled to enjoy it.

卻不一定覺得自己有享受的權利。

Take this sophomore at the Ivy League college

拿這個在「常青藤」盟校的 大學二年級女生來說吧！

who told me,

她告訴我，

"I come from a long line of smart, strong women.

「我誕生於一個充滿女強人的家庭，

My grandmother was a firecracker,

我的祖母有火爆的脾氣，

my mom is a professional,

我的母親是一位專家，

my sister and I are loud, and that's our form of feminine power."

我和我的姐妹都是大嗓門， 這些都展示了我們女人的力量。」

She then proceeded to describe her sex life to me:

她接著向我描述了她的性生活：

a series of one-off hookups,

一次次短暫的一夜之歡，

starting when she was 13,

始於她 13 歲的時候。

that were ...

那……

not especially responsible,

不怎麼負責任，

not especially reciprocal

不怎麼相互交流，

and not especially enjoyable.

甚至不怎麼令人享受。

She shrugged.

她聳了聳肩。

"I guess we girls are just socialized to be these docile creatures

「我猜我們女生就是要被調教成那些溫順的綿羊，

who don't express our wants or needs."

不會表達自己的需求與渴望。」

"Wait a minute," I replied.

「等一等，」我說。

"Didn't you just tell me what a smart, strong woman you are?"

「你不是剛告訴我你是一個多麼聰明、多麼堅強的女人嗎？」

She hemmed and hawed.

她支支吾吾。

"I guess," she finally said,

「我認為，」她最後說，

"no one told me that that smart, strong image applies to sex."

「那種聰明、堅強的印象不一定也適用於『性』。」

I should probably say right up top that despite the hype,

我可能要直截了當地說， 儘管媒體大肆宣傳，

teenagers are not engaging in intercourse more often or at a younger age

但是青少年們比起 25 年之前，

than they were 25 years ago.

性活動並不更加頻繁，或者在更低的年齡偷嘗禁果。

They are, however, engaging in other behavior.

然而他們開始嘗試其他的行為。

And when we ignore that,

這些被我們忽略的，

when we label that as "not sex,"

被我們標記為「與性無關」的東西，

that opens the door to risky behavior and disrespect.

為青少年打開了一扇指向危險和違禮的門。

That's particularly true of oral sex,

一部分的矛頭指向口交，

which teenagers consider to be less intimate than intercourse.

青少年們認為它不如性交那麽親密。

Girls would tell me, "it's no big deal,"

女孩們會告訴我：「沒什麽大不了的。」，

like they'd all read the same instruction manual --

就好像她們都讀過同一本指導手冊一樣——

at least if boys were on the receiving end.

至少，當男生是口交接受者時是這樣。

Young women have lots of reasons for participating.

年輕女孩們有很多理由去參與其中。

It made them feel desired;

它讓她們感到性興奮；

it was a way to boost social status.

它是一種提升社會地位的方式。

Sometimes, it was a way to get out of an uncomfortable situation.

有時，它是一種脫離不適感的方式。

As a freshman at a West Coast college said to me,

一位西海岸大學的一年級新生對我說，

"A girl will give a guy a blow job at the end of the night

「一個女孩會在深夜為一個傢伙口交，

because she doesn't want to have sex with him,

是因為不願和他做愛，

and he expects to be satisfied.

而且那個男孩應該會心滿意足。

So, if I want him to leave

所以，如果我想讓他離開，

and I don't want anything to happen ... "

並且不想發生什麽……」

I heard so many stories of girls performing one-sided oral sex

我聽過很多的女孩們進行單方面口交的敘述，

that I started asking,

這些讓我開始問道：

"What if every time you were alone with a guy,

「如果每次你單獨和一個傢伙在一起，

he told you to get him a glass of water from the kitchen,

他叫你幫他從廚房倒一杯水，

and he never got you a glass of water --

但他永遠不會為你倒上一杯水——

or if he did, it was like ...

如果他這麽做了，那會是……

'you want me to uh ...?'"

『你想讓我，呃……？』」

You know, totally begrudging.

明白吧？毫不情願。

You wouldn't stand for it.

你會受不了的。

But it wasn't always that boys didn't want to.

然而，並不總是男生們自己不願意進行性交。

It was that girls didn't want them to.

而是女生們自己不願意與男生們做這樣的事。

Girls expressed a sense of shame around their genitals.

女孩為她們的生殖器感到羞恥，

A sense that they were simultaneously icky and sacred.

一種它雖骯髒，卻又神聖的感覺。

Women's feelings about their genitals

女人對她們生殖器的看法

have been directly linked to their enjoyment of sex.

直接與她們的性快感相關。

Yet, Debby Herbenick, a researcher at Indiana University,

然而，一位印第安納大學的研究員， Debby Herbenick 認為

believes that girls' genital self-image is under siege,

女孩對自己生殖器的印象正在不斷受到詆毀。

with more pressure than ever

承受著前所未有的壓力，

to see them as unacceptable in their natural state.

認為自然狀態的性器官是不可接受的。

According to research,

根據研究，

about three-quarters of college women remove their pubic hair -- all of it --

大約四分之三的大學女生剃除了她們的陰毛——所有的——

at least on occasion,

剃陰毛的頻繁程度不低於「偶爾」，

and more than half do so regularly.

並且一半以上的人還經常這麽做。

Girls would tell me that hair removal made them feel cleaner,

女孩們告訴我：除毛讓她們更清潔，

that it was a personal choice.

這是個私人的選擇。

Though, I kind of wondered if left alone on a desert island,

雖然，我有點想知道如果孤身一人被留在荒島上，

if this was how they would choose to spend their time.

這會不會就是她們消磨時間的活動？

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And when I pushed further,

當我更深入地調查時，

a darker motivation emerged:

一個更陰暗的動機浮現了：

avoiding humiliation.

避免羞恥感。

"Guys act like they would be disgusted by it,"

「男生們表現得好像 他們會被它噁心到，」

one young woman told me.

一位年輕女生告訴我。

"No one wants to be talked about like that."

「沒有人想被那樣指指點點。」

The rising pubic hair removal reminded me of the 1920s,

剃除陰毛的流行讓我想起了 1920 年代，

when women first started regularly shaving their armpits and their legs.

那時女人們第一次定期地剃除腋窩和腿部的毛髮。

That's when flapper dresses came into style,

那也是直筒低腰連衣裙開始時髦的時候，

and women's limbs were suddenly visible,

女人們的肢體突然露出來了，

open to public scrutiny.

進入了公眾的審視範圍。

There's a way that I think that this too is a sign.

我有理由認為，這也是一個徵兆。

That a girl's most intimate part is open to public scrutiny,

一個女孩最親密的部位進入了公眾視野，

open to critique,

置於輿論之中，

to becoming more about how it looks to someone else

別人對它的模樣的看法甚至變得

than how it feels to her.

比自己的感覺都更加重要。

The shaving trend has sparked another rise in labiaplasty.

剃毛的風尚又導致了陰脣整形手術的興起。

Labiaplasty, which is the trimming of the inner and outer labia,

陰唇整形手術，能修剪內陰唇和外陰唇，

is the fastest-growing cosmetic surgery among teenage girls.

是在年輕女孩們之中快速增長的整形手術。

It rose 80 percent between 2014 and 2015,

在 2014 到 2015 年之間，它增長了 80 %，

and whereas girls under 18 comprise two percent of all cosmetic surgeries,

18 歲以下的女孩竟佔據所有例整形手術的 2 %。

they are five percent of labiaplasty.

也是所有例陰唇整形手術的 5 %。

The most sought-after look, incidentally,

順便一提，陰唇最受歡迎的模樣是，

in which the outer labia appear fused like a clam shell,

外陰脣合併着，看起來就像蛤殻一樣，

is called ...

它被稱為……

wait for it ...

等一下……

"The Barbie."

「芭比」。

(Groan)

(哼哼聲)

I trust I don't have to tell you

我應該不告訴你

that Barbie is a) made of plastic

芭比娃娃， 第一，是用塑膠做的。

and b) has no genitalia.

第二，沒有生殖器。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

The labiaplasty trend has become so worrisome

陰脣整容術的風潮令人如此擔憂

that the American College of Obstetricians and Gynecologists

以致於美國婦產科醫師協會

has issued a statement on the procedure,

對此發表了聲明：

which is rarely medically indicated,

它在醫學上是幾乎是不必要的，

has not been proven safe

且沒有被證明是安全的。

and whose side effects include scarring, numbness, pain

並且它的副作用包括疤痕、麻木感、疼痛，

and diminished sexual sensation.

以及被削弱的性感受。

Now, admittedly,

如今，不可否認地，

and blessedly,

同時也很幸運的是，

the number of girls involved is still quite small,

被涉及的女孩還比較少。

but you could see them as canaries in a coal mine,

但是你能以她們為警示，

telling us something important about the way girls see their bodies.

她們告訴我們一些重要的訊息， 關於女孩如何看待她們身體的。

Sara McClelland,

Sara McClelland，

a psychologist at the University of Michigan,

一位來自密西根大學的心理學家，

coined what is my favorite phrase ever in talking about all of this:

在談論這些時， 創造了一個至今我最喜歡的詞語：

"Intimate justice."

「性別間的合理性」。

That's the idea that sex has political, as well as personal implications,

它意在說明「性別」具有權力相關的、 以及私人性的影響，

just like, who does the dishes in your house,

例如，「性別」決定了：在家中，誰是負責做飯的人

or who vacuums the rug.

誰是負責打掃衛生的人，等等。

And it raises similar issues about inequality,

它也引起了相似的問題：不平等、

about economic disparity,

經濟差距、

violence,

暴力、

physical and mental health.

生理和心理健康。

Intimate justice asks us to consider

「性別間的合理性」讓我們思考：

who is entitled to engage in an experience.

是誰具有參與性活動的權利？

Who is entitled to enjoy it?

是誰具有享受它的權利？

Who is the primary beneficiary?

又是誰成了主要的受益者？

And how does each partner define "good enough"?

每一位伴侶是怎樣定義「足夠好」的？

Honestly, I think those questions are tricky and sometimes traumatic

實話說，我認為這些問題很棘手，

for adult women to confront,

有時成年女性面對它們甚至也會很痛苦，

but when we're talking about girls,

但當我們談及女孩們時，

I just kept coming back to the idea that their early sexual experience

我腦海中總是響起一個聲音： 她們對於「性」的經驗

shouldn't have to be something that they get over.

不一定非要在較年輕時獲得。

In her work,

在 McClelland 的研究中，

McClelland found that young women were more likely than young men

她發現年輕女人比起年輕男人

to use their partner's pleasure as a measure of their satisfaction.

更傾向於根據伴侶的快感來衡量她們自己的性滿意程度。

So they'd say things like,

所以她們會說這樣的話：

"If he's sexually satisfied,

「如果他獲得了性滿足，

then I'm sexually satisfied."

那麽我也獲得了性滿足。」

Young men were more likely to measure their satisfaction by their own orgasm.

年輕男人更傾向於用他們的性高潮來衡量他們的滿意程度。

Young women also defined bad sex differently.

年輕女人們各自對於「糟糕的性經歷」 也有着不同的定義。

In the largest ever survey

在至今最大的一場

ever conducted on American sexual behavior,

關於美國人的性行為的調查中，

they reported pain in their sexual encounters

她們報告說在性接觸中

30 percent of the time.

30% 的時間都在疼痛。

They also used words like "depressing,"

她們也用了這樣的詞來描述：「令人沮喪」

"humiliating,"

「丟臉」

"degrading."

「令人羞恥」。

The young men never used that language.

年輕男人絕不會使用這樣的詞語。

So when young women report sexual satisfaction levels

所以當年輕女人報告說她們的性滿意程度

that are equal to or greater than young men's --

與年輕男人相同甚至更高——

and they do in research --

她們也的確是如此報告的——

that can be deceptive.

這種結論是不可靠的。

If a girl goes into an encounter hoping that it won't hurt,

如果一個女孩進行一次性接觸， 並希望它不會令人疼痛，

wanting to feel close to her partner

想要與她的伴侶更親近，

and expecting him to have an orgasm,

並且希望他能經歷性高潮，

she'll be satisfied if those criteria are met.

如果以上條件都達到， 她就會很滿意。

And there's nothing wrong with wanting to feel close to your partner,

想要與你的伴侶更親近，

or wanting him to be happy,

或者希望他開心，這些並沒有什麽問題，

and orgasm isn't the only measure of an experience ...

性高潮也不是衡量 一場性活動的唯一標準……

but absence of pain --

但是想要無疼痛——

that's a very low bar for your own sexual fulfillment.

這對於衡量你的「性滿足」是一個非常低的標準。

Listening to all of this and thinking about it,

傾聽著這些報告， 並加以思索，

I began to realize that we performed a kind of psychological clitoridectomy

我開始意識到，我們在某種意義上對美國女孩們實施了

on American girls.

心理上的陰蒂切除手術。

Starting in infancy,

從出生開始，

parents of baby boys are more likely to name all their body parts,

男孩們的父母更有可能會指出孩子們所有的身體器官的名稱——

at least they'll say, "here's your pee-pee."

至少他們會說， 「這是你的小雞雞。」

Parents of baby girls go right from navel to knees,

女孩們的父母則會從肚臍直接到膝蓋，

and they leave this whole situation in here unnamed.

他們絲毫不會提及身體這一部位的名字。

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

There's no better way to make something unspeakable

要讓某件事物不堪入耳，

than not to name it.

沒有比絲毫不提及它更好的方法了。

Then kids go into their puberty education classes

孩子們接下來開始了她們的青春期教育課，

and they learn that boys have erections and ejaculations,

她們知道了男孩們有陰莖的勃起以及射精等現象，

and girls have ...

而女孩們則有……

periods and unwanted pregnancy.

月經以及意外懷孕。

And they see that internal diagram of a woman's reproductive system --

她們看到女人的生殖系統的內部結構圖——

you know, the one that looks kind of like a steer head --

明白吧，那個有點像公牛的頭部——

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And it always grays out between the legs.

結構圖中，雙腿之間總是模糊不清。

So we never say vulva,

因此我們說不出「外陰部」這種詞，

we certainly never say clitoris.

也絶不會說「陰蒂」。

No surprise,

毫不意外的是，

fewer than half of teenage girls age 14 to 17

在 14 至 17 歲之間的年輕女孩之中， 只有一半不到的人

have ever masturbated.

曾經進行過自慰。

And then they go into their partnered experience

接下來她們開始了與伴侶的性生活，

and we expect that somehow they'll think sex is about them,

但此時我們又希望她們能突然瞭解到，「性」與她們相關，

that they'll be able to articulate their needs, their desires, their limits.

希望她們能清楚地表達她們的需求， 她們的慾望，她們的局限。

It's unrealistic.

這是不現實的。

Here's something, though.

然而，來聽聽這些吧！

Girls' investment in their partner's pleasure remains

女孩為了讓她們的伴侶開心而投入的時間和精力

regardless of the gender of the partner.

不會因為伴侶的性別而改變。

So in same-sex encounters,

所以在女生之間的性活動中，

the orgasm gap disappears.

「orgasm gap 高潮分別」消失了。

And young women climax at the same rate as men.

年輕女人的性高潮頻率也與男人相同。

Lesbian and bisexual girls would tell me

同性戀和雙性戀女孩們會告訴我

that they felt liberated to get off the script --

跳出常規讓她們感覺自由——

free to create an encounter that worked for them.

能夠自由地開始令她們感覺良好的性接觸。

Gay girls also challenged the idea of first intercourse

同性戀女孩同樣也質疑

as the definition of virginity.

將「處女狀態」與第一次性交相聯繫的觀念。

Not because intercourse isn't a big deal,

並不是因為「性交」不算什麼，

but it's worth questioning why we consider this one act,

但是值得一問的是： 對於這種讓大多數女孩們

which most girls associate with discomfort or pain,

感到不適或者疼痛的行為，

to be the line in the sand of sexual adulthood --

我們為什麽會認為它是成年人性生活的分水嶺——

so much more meaningful,

比起任何事物來都更加有意義，

so much more transformative than anything else.

更具變化性。

And it's worth considering how this is serving girls;

值得思考的是，它是如何滿足女孩們的需要的；

whether it's keeping them safer from disease,

它是否讓她們生理健康， 遠離疾病、

coercion, betrayal, assault.

脅迫、背叛與侵犯。

Whether it's encouraging mutuality and caring;

它是否促進了親密關係以及互相關照；

what it means about the way they see other sex acts;

她們看待其他性活動的方式，又意味著什麽？

whether it's giving them more control over

它是否給了她們在性經歷中更多的主動權

and joy in their experience,

和樂趣？

and what it means about gay teens,

對於那些同性戀青少年——

who can have multiple sex partners without heterosexual intercourse.

她們可能有多個性伴侶，卻沒有異性間的性活動——這又意味著什麽？

So I asked a gay girl that I met,

所以我問一個我認識的同性戀女孩：

"How'd you know you weren't a virgin anymore?"

「你如何知道自己是否還擁有處子之身呢？」