It's Anne.

If you are new to my channel, welcome.

And if you have been following me,

well, I know a lot of you have been

asking me about my relationship,

and all that fun stuff, and although

I understand that I do not owe anyone

an explanation or tell anyone anything

about my personal life, I really don't mind,

you know, and I just feel like

it doesn't do you any good

if you just keep everything to yourself.

I used to be a very private person

and I feel like it doesn't benefit me

to just keep everything in,

although there are, there's a fine line

between what goes out there and what you keep

to yourself.

I just feel like if I can help anyone

out there going through similar situations

or just helping someone open a side

of their mind, open a side --

opening to a new perspective and just

helping them out, guiding them through

their life's path, then it's all worth it.

When I was younger, I wished that I had

something like YouTube or something on social media

where I can learn about other people's,

you know, personal path and see that other people

are going through the same struggles,

or similar struggles.

For those of you who have been following me,

you know we're really close when you see me

without my makeup, and I think we got to

that level of closeness. (laughs)

Okay, so with that being said,

a lot of you have been asking me about

where I am with my relationship

because my last video, I talked about a move,

how I moved into an apartment by myself

and Eric and I are no longer together.

According to YouTube time, it may seem like

a surprise, like this happened overnight,

but this was something that happened

in the past year, and I just didn't feel like --

it was still too new for me to talk about and share.

Vincent decided to live with Eric because Eric,

his father, and Vincent's my son if you're new

to my channel, so Vincent's my son

and he decided to live with Eric, his father.

Eric lives in the school district

that he wants to go to and his friends

are within that community,

so it makes sense that way, and plus Vincent

and I have been inseparable since the time

that he was in my belly, so it only makes sense

and I feel like it's fair that him and Eric

have some bonding time together.

He is always my baby, he is my number one forever,

and no matter what, he's always my number one

and even if he's living with Eric right now,

it's okay.

I totally trust Eric and I total respect for Eric

as a father.

I can only be happier if they bond

and they share more time together.

So I am totally okay with that.

So we have a good system going on.

It's not perfect, but it's a system

that we're all okay with and we're happy with.

With that being said, in the past few years,

it was, I'd say 2017 was a pretty tough year.

It started really rough.

I don't know if you remember,

if you have been following me,

I kinda talked about how I was hospitalized

the beginning of the year.

I stopped making videos for about a month

and a half or two months,

and I put it on my vlog channel.

I talked more about that on my vlog channel,

but I kinda had a breakdown.

It wasn't like a mental breakdown or something.

It was, my body just wanted to shut down

because I was so stressed that I develop a --

I barely ever have to go to the hospital,

I'm always super healthy,

but yeah, usually ovarian cyst happens

when you're super stressed

and my body was just so stressed out

that I shut down and it was just like

God was telling me like, "Anne, you need to stop

"everything and just re-evaluate your life."

And so that was what happened

at the beginning of 2017.

I just felt so restricted, like from growth

and I didn't know what to do because I was basically

living for someone else, you know?

I was just not living for myself.

I was not doing life for me, and my body

was just like, shut down mode

and I was hospitalized.

It was good because I stopped everything

and it gave me a little break.

It's a very emotional topic to talk about

and go back to because I --

my real self is always smiling, I'm happy,

I love to be cheerful, I'm silly, I'm super chill

when I'm happy, nothing really bothers me

and I don't get offended easily,

I don't get triggered easily, but the worst

version of me is like --

my trigger moments is when someone limits me

to what I can or cannot do

or have so much expectation set on me,

and although at the end of the day,

it's only me that is responsible for myself,

you know, I am the only person.

At the end of the day, I am the only person

that's responsible for my own happiness,

my own mindset, my self,

but I was not strong enough to realize that.

I was not strong enough to do that,

and although I understand it, it's just

when you're in that moment, it's really hard

to get out of it, and it's really hard

to just stand up, stand tall and do what's

best for you, because you're just,

you want everybody else to be happy, you know?

And so I feel like the last five years,

I knew what I wanted, but I was so afraid

because I was living based on everyone's expectations

of who I should be and what I should do,

and I was trying to make everyone happy.

Make everyone's life comfortable except for mine, you know?

I was living that, "Hey, try to keep this family

"together, that's the only way that you

"can be happy," and it wasn't.

And I was a terrible --

I was not proud of who I was becoming.

I didn't look forward to life at all.

I was just, most of the time, in bed.

I was depressed, and it's hard to go back there

because it's not like a proud moment

of who I was.

When you wake up in the morning,

you don't look forward to doing much

and you just do what it is you have to do

to get through each day, so that was what it,

that is what it was like, you know?

It was challenging.

I don't wanna say it's hard, but it was definitely

a challenging phase in my life, for sure.

So now I'm living in West L.A.

It's more vibrant and fun here for me.

I feel more connected to this area

than I do back in the OC, but the OC

is driving distance away.

I drive back there all the time

to be with Vincent, to visit him,

and he comes up here, too, whenever he can.

So that's the dynamic we have now.

It's not perfect, it's not the ideal

picture-perfect family dynamic that you see

on television or that you were used to hearing

when growing up, but it's working for us,

all of us, and Eric and I, we are still

in constant communication with each other,

we still talk, we co-parent,

and we do the best we can.

We are getting along a lot better

than we used to, and our conversations,

our communication is a lot more clear.

We're not bickering or we're not arguing

like we used to, so it's a lot healthier.

It's a lot healthier environment than it used to be,

and I am happier with who I am now.

I'm more light, my energy is more light, happy,

and just, I look forward to every day now

than I used to.

So at the end of the day, I think

that's what counts the most is that,

you know, you look forward to being your best self

so that way you can reflect that

and exude that upon others

and the energy around you.

If I had continued my life

just being or feeling depressed

and just living for other people,

living for what people expect of me,

I would not be a good mother at all.

And I would not set a good example

or a positive example around Vincent.

And at the end of the day, what matters is

that he sees a healthy version of myself

and that I can be somebody that he wants to respect.

That's where my life is now,

and that's my relation shit (laughs)

...Situation, but thank you guys so much

for joining me in today's conversation.

It was interesting to talk about,

and I really don't mind talking about it,

opening up, and although it is,

you know, challenging to revisit feelings and emotions

of the past, it's also good to just let it out

and share that realness with people

who are going through similar situations.

We all go through shit, you know?

Shitty relationship.

Relation shit. (laughs)

We all go through relation shit,

and it's not a secret at all.

It's not a secret that we all are not perfect

and we do things that we're not proud of.

At the end of the day, as long as you keep growing

and you keep moving forward, that's what matters the most.

If you allow yourself to stay still,

or if you're taking steps backwards,

then that's when you really need to evaluate

yourself and ask yourself what is it you want.

Do you want this --

Do you want to feel amazing again?

Do you want to see the light again?

Or do you rather just fall backwards

and behind and just allow others to live for you

because, you know, people can only do so much for you.

At the end of the day, it's you who

is doing you, and you are --

you are

the creator of your life

and you are

the strength

that you give yourselves.

That is something not easy to do, but it starts

with your mindset of wanting, that desire to be

a better version of yourself

and if you are anywhere in the dark,

then just allow yourself to love yourself,

and that's where it all starts.

Thank you so much for joining me

in today's conversation.

I really love you and I appreciate your time.

Thank you so much, and I will talk to you next week.

(kisses)

Ciao!