- Let's talk about that.

(playful, upbeat music)

(fire crackling)

- Good mythical morning.

- Guess what everybody, we got Post Malone here.

Welcome Post.

(cheers and applause)

- What's going on, guys?

You all right?

- Welcome to the show, man.

- Hey, thanks for having me, man, I'm a big fan.

- Likewise.

- Yeah, yeah. - Really?

- Yeah, I've been watching for four years.

- That's crazy.

- It's a pretty, I mean, give or take.

- Okay, but who's counting?

- Give or take four years or so.

- Multiple years. - Give or take.

- All right, here's what's happening on this episode.

Later we're gonna create some Post Malone memes

with the man himself, plus we'll be stuffing

a Slim Jim inside of a churro.

- But first, who the heck is Georgie Porgie

and why is he eating both pudding and pie?

And how does one acquire a tisket or a tasket?

What I'm saying is nursery rhymes are old, outdated,

and they make no freaking sense.

- Mmhmm, so today the three of us are gonna update

some stuffy old nursery rhymes

by turning 'em into rap tracks.

It's time for

♪ Rap-A-Bye Baby on the Hip Hop ♪

(goat bleats)

- All right, here's how this is going to work.

We got a board over here that Chase is manning.

We have several different nursery rhymes

and then several different rap styles.

I see Migos, I see Snoop Dogg, I see--

- Who's Post Malone? - Got him.

- I see Kanye West, I see the Sugarhill Gang,

and I see the Beastie Boys.

So we pick a nursery rhyme, we pick a rap style,

and then we make it happen.

- Mmhmm, and then we're gonna head over to the crib

and perform our rhymes.

- Got him, let's rock. - Individually.

All right, Rhett, you're taller so you are going first.

- Oh, thanks.

(laughter)

It's always helpful.

- Pick your nursery rhyme, man.

- I've always been a fan of I'm a Little Teapot.

Because it's ironic when a big man sings

I'm a Little Teapot. - That's nice.

- Okay, and then what style are you gonna perform this in?

- I think I gotta go with the D-O-double-G, man.

Snoop Dogg, I think I can do that.

- He's a tall guy. - I think I can handle that.

- [Post Malone] Look at the swagger.

(laughter)

Immaculate.

- Hit it.

(rap beat)

♪ I'm just a teapot-tizzle ♪

♪ Fulla t-zizzle, y'all ♪

♪ I'm a little teapot, short and stout ♪

♪ Here is my handle, here is my spout ♪

♪ When I get all steamed up, hear me shout ♪

♪ Just tip me over and pour me out ♪

♪ La-Da-Da-Da-Da ♪

♪ I'm a mother-freakin' teapot fulla tea ♪

♪ La-Da-Da-Da-Da ♪

♪ Gonna pour some tea outta me ♪

- Wow. Incredible.

(laughter and applause)

Incredible.

- Oh, that's pretty good, man, dang.

- I'm going on tour later this year--

- Can I come? - You wanna open?

- Yeah! (laughter)

- Okay, I'm gonna choose Hickory Dickory Dock,

'cause why not?

- Right, does it really matter?

- And I'm gonna perform it in the style of Yeezy.

I just got the hours.

All right, I'm ready.

(rap beat)

♪ Uh, uh ♪

♪ Hickory dickory dock ♪

♪ The mouse ran up the clock ♪

♪ The clock struck one ♪

♪ And down he come ♪

♪ Hickory dickory dock ♪

♪ The mouse ran up the clock ♪

♪ The clock struck two ♪

♪ And look what he do ♪

♪ Hickory dickory dock ♪

I'mma let you finish, but Beyonce

had one of the greatest clocks of all time.

(mic drop) (applause)

- You just about got your baby.

- Wow, that was. - Hit the baby (thump)

- right in the head with it. - Very intense.

I think Kanye would be proud.

- I think it was nice.

- Yeah, yeah, he's, you know, sometimes he goes after it.

- Well, all the time. - So I had to bring it.

- Who's your producer?

- Mark.

(laughter)

- He's talented.

- He's sitting right over there.

- He's a talented guy.

- The tracks are pretty great.

- Yeah, the tracks are great.

- All right, you're up. - Your turn.

- [Link] What song are you gonna pick?

- Itsy Bitsy Spider has always been a song

that's been very close to my heart.

(laughter)

- Yeah. You like spiders?

- Yeah, I hate spiders.

- Small ones? - But the reason why,

yeah, exactly, that's why I picked it,

because they're small spiders.

- Right. - Got it, right, uh-huh.

- I'll do it in the style of the classic Sugarhill Gang.

We'll go old-school.

- Taking it way back.

- Yeah, let's rock.

- All right. - I'm ready to rock.

- Do it.

Okay, yeah. - Get hydrated.

- Get hydrated. - It's important.

- Gotta hydrate. (laughter)

Hello, baby.

(rap beat)

♪ Ooh, I said a hip, hop ♪

♪ The itsy, the bitsy spider went down the water spit spout ♪

♪ And down-a came all the rain and the washin' the spider ♪

♪ The washin', wish-a-washin' away, ooh ♪

♪ The itsy bitsy spider went up the water spout ♪

♪ Down came the rain and washed the spider out ♪

♪ Up came the sun and dried up all the rain ♪

♪ And the itsy bitsy spider went up the spout again ♪

♪ Hey, ho ♪

♪ Hey, ho ♪

♪ Ooh, hey, ho, ooh ♪

That's it.

(laughter and applause)

- Wow, everything old is new again.

- Wow, bringing back that old school flow.

- It's a tough flow to master.

(laughter)

- That was great!

- Nice, nice.

- Okay, now you have to go again.

- Yes I do.

Oh man, what am I gonna do to follow that up?

Let's go Mary Had a Little Lamb.

- Did she? - Yeah, she did.

Always been fond of that.

And I don't know how I feel about this.

I'm going out on a limb, something that struck me.

I'm gonna do it in Post Malone style.

- That's nice.

Hey, that's pretty easy. - Are you gonna be offended?

- No sir, no. - Are you sure

you don't wanna let him do his own style later?

- Is that an option?

- I don't wanna let you do it.

(laughter)

Okay.

- It's a easier style.

- It's not like he's not right here.

No pressure.

- Oh gosh.

All right, hit it.

(rap beat)

Okay.

♪ Mary had a little lamb ♪

♪ Its fleece was white as snow ♪

♪ And everywhere that Mary went ♪

♪ The lamb was sure to go ♪

♪ It followed her to school one day ♪

♪ Which was against the rules ♪

♪ Made the children laugh and play ♪

♪ To see a lamb in school ♪

♪ 'Til the teacher turned it out ♪

♪ But it still lingered near ♪

♪ Waited patiently about ♪

♪ 'Til Mary did appear ♪

♪ Why does the lamb love Mary so ♪

♪ The eager children cry ♪

♪ But Mary loves the lamb you know ♪

♪ The teacher did reply ♪

Yo, that lamb was saucin'.

(laughter and applause)

- Very, very good.

- Hey. - That's pretty good.

- Not that these are being judged, but.

- I'm upset that I didn't write it.

(laughter)

- Oh my gosh. Hey.

Kudos to you, man. - Yeah, it was very good.

- Yeah man. - He was right there.

- That was, I'm sweating.

- Okay, what-- - Pits are sweating.

- Whatever I don't pick you have to do.

- Okay.

- So is there, I mean, do you want to whisper something

in my ear, or what, whatcha?

(whispering)

(laughter)

Okay, okay.

Okay. You like farm animals?

I get it. (laughter)

Okay, I'm gonna choose Hush Little Baby.

Beastie Boys.

- Ooh. - Hey, that's nice.

- Ironic, 'cause the Beastie Boys are kind of loud.

(laughter)

(indistinct falsetto)

- It sounds real, it sounds authentic.

(rap beat)

♪ Hush little baby ♪

♪ Don't say a word ♪

♪ Mama's gonna buy you a mockingbird ♪

♪ And if that mockingbird don't sing ♪

♪ Mama's gonna buy you a diamond ring ♪

♪ Is that what you want ♪

♪ Whatcha whatcha whatcha want ♪

♪ Is that what you want ♪

♪ Whatcha whatcha whatcha want ♪

♪ If that diamond ring turns brass ♪

♪ Mama's gonna buy you a looking glass ♪

♪ And if that looking glass gets broke ♪

♪ Mama's gonna buy you a billy goat. ♪

♪ If that cart and bull turn over ♪

♪ Mama's gonna buy you a dog named Rover ♪

- Wow. (applause)

- Are you okay?

- I think my voice has changed now.

(laughter)

- I love how you took on-- - That was pretty incredible.

- Two personas.

- All right, I left the farm for ya.

- Yeah, I guess my options are Old McDonald Had a Farm

and in the style of Migos.

I think this is a hit already.

- Yeah, it's destiny.

- Which we met Quavo. - Did you?

- And we got a picture with him and he never spoke,

he just raised his arm, pointed it towards the camera,

we took a picture, and then that was it.

- He's a good guy.

He's not a man of many words. - No, he wasn't.

- I love Quavo, he's a good guy.

- All right. Have at it. - I guess I'm ready to rock.

Quavo, I hope I do you justice.

Offset, Takeoff, hope I do you justice.

Hello my little baby boy.

I'm sorry Link woke you up,

I'm gonna put you right back to bed, don't you worry.

(rap beat)

Ooh. Yeah.

♪ Old McDonald had a farm ♪

♪ E-I-E-I-E-I-O ♪

♪ Ooh, and on this farm he had a cow ♪

♪ E-I-E-I-E-I-O ♪

♪ With a moo moo here and a moo moo there ♪

♪ Here a moo, there a moo ♪

♪ Everywhere a moo moo moo ♪