some sort of context that makes the story interesting. I mean, that’s what this is

about. Telling a story, making a criticism entertaining. If you want a list of features,

read the back of the box.

And so it pains me to say this, but this time...I’ve got nothing. There is literally not a single

thing I have to say about this. I just stared at my laptop for more than an hour before

I finally realized...the jig is up. I mean, I’m good. But there’s no way to make Power

Rangers Samurai for the Nintendo Wii seem interesting.

This game possesses a degree of predictability and plainness so potent, I had no choice but

to tap out, close my laptop and hit the showers.

So...sorry, guys. I tried.

Released to the Wii in late 2010, I guarantee you already know everything you need to know

about Power Rangers Samurai. This is a very linear beat ‘em up with very simple gameplay

and very linear levels. And a license that attracts kids. And a price parents feel less

bad about paying.

And a lot of nothing else that makes it interesting.

You play as any of the Power Rangers, who have evidently been repackaged as this group

of samurais minus Amy Jo Johnson. You run from point A to point B while foes attack...and

you mash two buttons. Seriously, you have a strong attack and a weak attack. You can

also jump and unleash one special attack, but that’s it.

Let me clarify. I like simple. In fact, I prefer simple. But simple is elegant, simple

is intelligent, simple is good. This isn’t simple. This is, like, simple’s ugly cousin.

They kinda have the same hair and everything, but simple wears it much better.

This one hasn’t showered in weeks.

The obligatory statement is that, “Well, if your kids like the Power Rangers, this

is a decent game for them.” And to a degree, that’s true. There’s nothing wrong with

this game, aside from its complete lack of ideas. But that’s the thing...it’s so

predictable, even your kids might be turned off by it.

If you’re an older Wii gamer who digs simple beat ‘em ups, go with Onechanbara. Because

this is basically that game, but without the hot chicks and boob physics.

The only thing that shakes in Power Rangers Samurai is your faith in video games.