Hello voice mail, my old friend.

哈囉，語音信箱，我的老朋友，

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

I've called for tech support again.

我又打來要求技術支援了，

I ignored my boss's warning.

不管老闆怎麼警告我，我還是在週一早上打了這通電話，

I called on a Monday morning.

現在已經是傍晚了，我的晚餐不只變涼了，還發霉了，

Now it's evening, and my dinner first grew cold, and then grew mold.

我還被掛在線上，只能聽著那無聲的聲音。

I'm still on hold.

我想你們並不瞭解，我覺得你們的電話根本就沒人在聽，

I'm listening to the sounds of silence.

我照著指示按下了所有的按鍵，

I don't think you understand.

但我還是被掛在線上18個小時。

I think your phone lines are unmanned.

你們的軟體不只毁了我的麥金塔，

I punched every touch tone I was told,

讓它當機，還刪除了我的記憶體！

but I've still spent 18 hours on hold.

現在麥金塔只能發出無聲的聲音了！

It's not enough your software crashed my Mac,

我幻想著

and it constantly hangs and bombs --

要對你們進行報復，

it erased my ROMs!

像是撞壞你們的摩托車，

Now the Mac makes the sounds of silence.

然後你們的血噴灑出來，在你們奄奄一息的時候，

In my dreams I fantasize

打電話叫救護車和醫生來，但你們看到的卻是我！

of wreaking vengeance on you guys.

(笑聲)

Say your motorcycle crashes.

你們只能聽到無聲的聲音！

Blood comes gushing from your gashes.

(掌聲)

With your fading strength, you call 9-1-1 and you pray for a trained MD.

謝謝！晚安，歡迎這位

But you get me.

「曾經擔任過百老匯伴奏的TED演講者」...

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

And you listen to the sounds of silence.

好，在我六年前接下紐約時報專欄作家的工作時，

(Music)

那時他們告訴我：你會收到最酷、最炫、最熱門的新玩意兒，

(Applause)

每個星期都會送到你家，

Thank you.

你得試試、玩玩、好好看看這些玩意兒，

Good evening and welcome to:

然後在你玩膩之前把他們送回去，

"Spot the TED Presenter Who Used to Be a Broadway Accompanist."

這樣就有薪水可領了。你考慮看看。

(Laughter)

我一直都對科技很著迷，我超愛科技的，

When I was offered the Times column six years ago,

但這個工作有一個小缺點，

the deal was like this:

他們會把我的電子郵件地址印在我的專欄最下方！

you'll be sent the coolest, hottest, slickest new gadgets.

然後我看到...一開始我就收到一大堆的郵件！

Every week, it'll arrive at your door.

如果你覺得很孤獨的話，

You get to try them out, play with them, evaluate them

應徵這份工作就對了，你會收到

until the novelty wears out, before you have to send them back,

成千上萬的電子郵件，而其中大家談的最多的，

and you'll get paid for it.

就是挫折。

You can think about it, if you want.

大家都感覺...噢，

So, I've always been a technology nut, and I absolutely love it.

我的螢幕出現了一個警告訊息，還好你們看不到。

The job, though, came with one small downside, and that is,

大家都覺得被排山倒海而來的科技淹沒了，有太多發展太快的科技了，

they intended to publish my email address at the end of every column.

他們或許對我們的生活有幫助，

And what I've noticed is -- first of all, you get an incredible amount of email.

但我覺得這些科技背後的支援卻不完備，

If you ever are feeling lonely,

沒有充份的說明，在設計這些科技的時候，

get a New York Times column,

也沒有週密的思考，好讓這些東西更好用、更容易使用。

because you will get hundreds and hundreds and hundreds of emails.

有一次，我在專欄裡寫了我向戴爾(Dell)電腦

And the email I'm getting a lot today is about frustration.

求助的經驗，結果在12個小時之內，

People are feeling like things --

就有700多封讀者的回信出現在紐約時報的讀者信箱，

Ok, I just had an alarm come up on my screen.

有的人說「我也有同樣經驗...」，

Lucky you can't see it.

有人則說「心有戚戚焉」，我把這種反應稱為「軟體憤怒狂潮」。

People are feeling overwhelmed.

各位，我認為只要有人能想出如何靠

They're feeling like it's too much technology, too fast.

這些憤怒的情緒發財--

It may be good technology,

噢，怎麼跑出這個畫面？開玩笑的。

but I feel like there's not enough of a support structure.

(笑聲)

There's not enough help.

好，為什麼這個問題愈來愈嚴重？很諷刺的是，

There's not enough thought put into the design of it

有部分原因是因為科技界人士老是想著

to make it easy and enjoyable to use.

要讓他們的東西更容易使用，

One time I wrote a column about my efforts to reach Dell Technical Support,

我來說明一下這是什麼意思。

and within 12 hours, there were 700 messages

這是我們以前所使用的電腦界面--DOS，

from readers on the feedback boards on the Times website,

經過這些年之後，變得比較好用一些了。

from users saying,

這是原始的麥金塔作業系統，

""Me too, and here's my tale of woe."

那時的總統是雷根，瑪丹娜的頭髮也還是棕色的，

I call it "software rage."

而這整個作業系統--

And man, let me tell you,

這是它的優點--這整個作業系統只有211K的大小，

whoever figures out how to make money off of this frustration will --

現在就連麥金塔OS 10的標誌都不只211K這麼大！

Oh, how did that get up there? Just kidding.

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

諷刺的地方就在這裡，當這些東西愈來愈容易使用時，

Ok, so why is the problem accelerating?

就吸引了更多、更不懂科技的消費者，

And part of the problem is, ironically,

想要來試用這些新玩意兒。

because the industry has put so much thought

有一次，我獲得了坐在蘋果電腦客服中心一天的尊榮禮遇，

into making things easier to use.

有一個人拿了耳機讓我聽他們的對話，

I'll show you what I mean.

那些對話內容你早就聽過了：

This is what the computer interface used to look like, DOS.

「為保障服務品質，我們將為您的來電進行錄音。」

Over the years, it's gotten easier to use.

嗯嗯，你的電話會被錄下來哦...

This is the original Mac operating system.

然後他們會選出最好笑、最白痴的客戶來電，

Reagan was President. Madonna was still a brunette.

收錄在一張CD上，傳給大家聽！

And the entire operating system --

(笑聲)

this is the good part -- the entire operating system fit in 211 k.

他們真的這樣搞啊...

You couldn't put the Mac OS X logo in 211 k!

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

我也有那張CD哦...

So the irony is, that as these things became easier to use,

(笑聲)

a less technical, broader audience was coming into contact

就放在你們的贈品袋裡...不不不，

with this equipment for the first time.

裡面就有你的聲音！

I once had the distinct privilege of sitting in on the Apple call center

有些來電真是太經典了，但也很容易理解。

for a day.

有位女士打電話到蘋果電腦，

The guy had a duplicate headset for me to listen to.

抱怨她的滑鼠吱吱亂叫，就是發出吱吱的怪聲。

And the calls that -- you know how they say,

客服人員就問：「小姐，請問你說說滑鼠吱吱亂叫是什麼意思？」

"Your call may be recorded for quality assurance?"

她說：「我每次把滑鼠

Uh-uh.

放在螢幕上滑動得愈快，它就叫得愈大聲！」

Your call may be recorded

(笑聲)

so that they can collect the funniest dumb user stories

客服人員說：「小姐，你是把滑鼠放在螢幕上嗎？」

and pass them around on a CD.

她回說：「嗯，螢幕上就寫說『按這裡繼續』啊...」

(Laughter)

(笑聲)

Which they do.

噢，如果你們覺得這很好笑，我們還有多少時間？

(Laughter)

再講一個吧...有位男士打進來了，這是真的故事哦！

And I have a copy.

他的電腦當機了，然後他告訴客服人員，

(Laughter)

無論他輸入多少次「11」，都無法重新啟動電腦。

It's in your gift bag. No, no.

客服人員問：「什麼？為什麼要輸入11？」

With your voices on it!

他說：「螢幕就寫『錯誤按11(Error Type 11)』啊...」(其實是錯誤訊息碼11)

So, some of the stories are just so classic, and yet so understandable.

(笑聲)

A woman called Apple to complain that her mouse was squeaking.

我們得承認有些問題是消費者自己造成的，

Making a squeaking noise.

但是為什麼這種科技泛濫的問題、

And the technician said,

這種日趨複雜的問題，現在卻愈演愈烈？在硬體方面，

"Well, ma'am, what do you mean your mouse is squeaking?"

由於消費者不斷要求業者把東西做得更小，

She says, "All I can tell you is that it squeaks louder,

所以這些新玩意兒就變得愈來愈小，

the faster I move it across the screen."

但我們的手指也還是原來的大小啊！

(Laughter)

對我們來說卻變得愈來愈難使用！

And the technician's like,

軟體方面則承受另外一種壓力：

"Ma'am, you've got the mouse up against the screen?"

要求開發更為先進的版本。

She goes, "Well, the message said, 'Click here to continue.'"

當你買了某個軟體時，那並不像是買個花瓶、

(Laughter)

或是買支棒棒糖那樣，你可以擁有那個東西，

Well, if you like that one -- how much time have we got?

軟體比較像是去參加某個俱樂部，每年都得付會費，

Another one, a guy called -- this is absolutely true --

每一年軟體業者都會說：

his computer had crashed, and he told the technician

「我們又加入了更多新的功能，只賣99元哦！」

he couldn't restart it, no matter how many times he typed "11."

我認識一個人，這幾年光是在Photoshop上就花了4,000美金！

And the technician said, "What? Why are you typing 11?"

而軟體公司光是靠為軟體升級，

He said, "The message says, 'Error Type 11.'"

就可以創造35%的營收。

(Laughter)

我把這個稱為「軟體升級謬論」--

So, we must admit

如果你一直不斷改良某個軟體，

that some of the blame falls squarely at the feet of the users.

那就不是原來那個軟體了啊！

But why is the technical overload crisis,

我們看看，微軟的Word在艾森豪年代

the complexity crisis, accelerating now?

只不過是個文書處理軟體而已，

In the hardware world, it's because we the consumers want

(笑聲)

everything to be smaller, smaller, smaller.

但接下來呢？微軟真的嚐試過改良這個軟體，但他們說：

So the gadgets are getting tinier and tinier,

「等一下，大家都在抱怨我們加入太多功能了，

but our fingers are essentially staying the same size.

我們是不是應該發展一套只有文書處理功能的文書處理軟體？

So it gets to be more and more of a challenge.

簡單、單純、不用連結網路、也不具備資料庫功能？」

Software is subject to another primal force:

結果他們真的推出了這套軟體，叫做微軟Write，

the mandate to release more and more versions.

我看你們沒有人點頭，應該沒人知道這個軟體吧？因為它停產了！

When you buy a piece of software,

沒人買這個軟體！

it's not like buying a vase or a candy bar, where you own it.

我把這稱為「運動器材原理」，大家都喜歡

It's more like joining a club, where you pay dues every year,

買些有的沒的，不是嗎？

and every year, they say,

沒人需要資料庫和網路連結，但是大家都說：

"We've added more features, and we'll sell it to you for $99."

「嗯，我會升級啊...或許有一天我會用到這個功能啊！」

I know one guy who's spent $4,000 just on Photoshop over the years.

問題是，你加了這麼多功能，要放在哪裡？

And software companies make 35 percent of their revenue

你要把這些功能放在哪個角落？你只有這些功具列而已，

from just these software upgrades.

只有按鈕、捲軸、對話視窗、工具視窗而已，

I call it the Software Upgrade Paradox --

一不小心選到不該選的，就會變成這樣：

which is that if you improve a piece of software enough times,

(笑聲)

you eventually ruin it.

這不是開玩笑的，這是原版、沒有修片的Word照片，

I mean, Microsoft Word was last just a word processor in, you know,

把所有工具列都打開就是這個樣子。

the Eisenhower administration.

顯然大家都沒有把全部的工具列打開過，

(Laughter)

能夠輸入文字的空間就只剩下面這一點了...

But what's the alternative?

(笑聲)

Microsoft actually did this experiment.

我們已經進入了界面矩陣時代，

They said, "Well, wait a minute.

有這麼多功能和選項可供選擇，要在二維空間裡才能處理，

Everyone complains that we're adding so many features.

就是垂直和水平空間。大家都在抱怨為什麼Word

Let's create a word processor that's just a word processor:

老是自動幫每一個項目都加上項目符目，還把連結自動加上底線，

Simple, pure; does not do web pages, is not a database."

一定有什麼地方可以把這些功能關閉吧？

And it came out, and it was called Microsoft Write.

我來告訴你，就在那兒！

And none of you are nodding in acknowledgment, because it died.

設計的藝術就是要掌握精簡原則、要有好的界面、

It tanked. No one ever bought it.

而且要知道什麼時候該用什麼功能。

I call this the Sport Utility Principle.

這就是Windows 2000關閉功能的對話方塊。

People like to surround themselves with unnecessary power, right?

裡面只有四個選項，

They don't need the database and the website, but they're like,

那幹嘛要另外跳出一個視窗來選啊？

"Well, I'll upgrade, because, I might, you know, I might need that someday."

又不是說我們需要的其他功能已經擠滿了螢幕，

So the problem is: as you add more features, where are they going to go?

讓我們選不到這些功能，

Where are you going to stick them? You only have so many design tools.

就不能把這些選項放在明顯的地方嗎？

You can do buttons, you can do sliders, pop-up menus, sub-menus.

這是蘋果電腦所設計的相同功能的對話方塊。

But if you're not careful about how you choose,

(掌聲)

you wind up with this.

謝謝！對，是我設計的...噢，不，不是。

(Laughter)

我們從這裡就可以看出蘋果和微軟

This is an un-retouched -- this is not a joke --

在軟體設計上的重大分歧，

un-retouched photo of Microsoft Word,

微軟對於簡化的定義是：

the copy that you have, with all the toolbars open.

把步驟拆得更細，多走幾個步驟，

You've obviously never opened all the toolbars,

到處都有這種小精靈幫手。

but all you have to type in is this little, teeny window down here.

大家都知道今年(2006)秋天微軟就要推出新的視窗版本了，

(Laughter)

如果他們堅持這種步調，

And we've arrived at the age of interface matrices,

天知道最後他們會變成怎樣。

where there are so many features and options,

(掌聲)

you have to do two dimensions, you know:

歡迎使用「輸入一個字」精靈，好，先按「下一步」，

a vertical and a horizontal.

(掌聲)

You guys all complain

在下拉式選單裡，選擇您所要輸入的字母。

about how Microsoft Word is always bulleting your lists

(笑聲)

and underlining your links automatically.

這是我們不願意跨越的障礙，我們該怎麼辦？

The off switch is in there somewhere.

為什麼不把這些功能全都以簡單、聰明好用的方式包裝起來？

I'm telling you -- it's there.

我相信軟體設計需要一致性，

Part of the art of designing a simple, good interface,

我也相信軟體設計需要模擬真實世界，像是要有資源回收筒、標籤等等，

is knowing when to use which one of these features.

但我拜託在座的設計師，

So, here is the log-off dialogue box for Windows 2000.

如果你們設計的軟體違背了「聰明好用」這個最高指導原則，

There are only four choices,

那就不應該再遵守那些規則。這是什麼意思？

so why are they in a pop-up menu?

我來舉幾個例子說明有些時候「聰明好用」

It's not like the rest of the screen is so full of other components

並不代表一致性，但確實比較好。

that you need to collapse the choices.

如果你在網路上買東西，你應該要輸入地址，

They could have put them all out in view.

要選擇你所在的國家，對吧？

Here's Apple's take on the exact same dialogue box.

全世界有200個國家，我們總認為網路就像個地球村，

(Applause)

很抱歉，還沒有那麼快，

Thank you -- yes, I designed the dialogue box. No, no.

大部分使用網路的國家還是美國、歐洲和日本，

Already, we can see that Apple and Microsoft

但美國為什麼要用「U」開頭？

have a severely divergent approach to software design.

(笑聲)

Microsoft's approach to simplicity tends to be:

你得一直往下轉，轉了大約七個螢幕才會找到美國，

let's break it down; let's just make it more steps.

所以如果把美國排在第一位，雖然不一致，

There are these "wizards" everywhere.

但卻很好用。另外一個例子是以前就有人提過的，

And you know, there's a new version of Windows coming out this fall.

就是為什麼當你要關機的時候

If they continue at this pace, there's absolutely no telling

要先按「開始」？

where they might wind up.

(笑聲)

[Welcome to the Type a Word Wizard]

接下來是我最喜歡的例子：你有一台印表機，

(Laughter)

大部分時間，你都只想從那台印表機印出

(Applause)

一份文件，按頁數排好，

"Welcome to the Type a Word Wizard."

但究竟為什麼每次要印的時候都會看到這個？

Ok, I'll bite.

活像747的駕駛艙！

Let's click "Next" to continue.

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

而最下面的按鈕竟然不是「列印」！

(Applause)

(笑聲)

From the drop-down menu, choose the first letter you want to type. Ok.

(掌聲)

(Laughter)

我並不是說蘋果電腦是唯一知道如何掌握「簡單」

So there is a limit that we don't want to cross.

這個原則的公司，

So what is the answer?

Palm也掌握得很好，尤其是在以前那個年代，掌握得非常好。

How do you pack in all these features in a simple, intelligent way?

我曾在90年代Palm正飛黃騰達的時候，在Palm發表演說，

I believe in consistency, when possible,

演說結束之後，有一個員工來找我，

real-world equivalents,

他說：「講得不錯！」我說：「謝謝！你是負責什麼工作？」

trash can folder, when possible, label things, mostly.

他說：「我是點擊計數員。」

But I beg of the designers here

我說：「什麼計數員？」他說：「嗯，我們的總裁傑夫．霍金斯說，

to break all those rules if they violate the biggest rule of all,

『Palm Pilot上若有任何一個功能需要點擊超過三次以上的，

which is intelligence.

那就太長了，就要重新設計。』所以我就是那個點擊計數員。」

Now what do I mean by that?

我們來看看沒有點擊計數員的公司，設計出來的產品

I'm going to give you some examples

是什麼樣子。

where intelligence makes something not consistent, but it's better.

回到微軟Word，好，當你想要開啟一個空白的Word文件，

If you are buying something on the web,

絕對超過三次點擊！

you're supposed to put in your address,

(笑聲)

and you're supposed to choose what country you're from, ok?

先到檔案功能表選取「開新檔案」，

There are 200 countries in the world.

按下去後會出現什麼？你看到新的空白文件了嗎？

We like to think of the Internet as a global village.

並沒有。

I'm sorry; it's not one yet.

反而在螢幕的另一端，出現了一條工具列，

It's mainly like, the United States, Europe, and Japan.

而在那些連結中--不是在最上面哦--是在那些連結中，

So why is "United States" in the "U"s?

才有可以開啟空白文件的按鈕。

(Laughter)

好，這就是沒有點擊計數員的公司。

You have to scroll, like, seven screensful to get to it.

我可不想一直站在這裡取笑微軟...

Now, it would be inconsistent to put "United States" first,

觀眾：繼續講啊...

but it would be intelligent.

大衛．普格：好啦！我是很想啦！

This one's been touched on before,

(笑聲)

but why in God's name do you shut down a Windows PC

(掌聲)

by clicking a button called "Start?"

比爾．蓋茲之歌！

(Laughter)

我一直是個電腦狂，我寫出最原始的DOS，

Here's another pet one of mine: you have a printer.

我把的自己的軟體和IBM放在一起，

Most of the time, you want to print one copy of your document,

我賺了大錢，他們卻賠慘了！

in page order, on that printer.

(笑聲)

So why in God's name do you see this every time you print?