Jory: And trust us- it IS!

Jon: You still shouldn't try it at home, though.

Whatchu know about "Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This?" I'm your host, Jory Caron.

And I'm your sidekick, Riley McIlwain. Hey, let me ask you something- are you a man?

Jon: Yes.

Riley: I mean, a REAL man?

Jon: Yeah, I just said that.

Riley: Say, "HELL, yeah!"

Jon: HELL, yeah!

Riley: Then you LOVE bacon! Tell me you love bacon!

Jon: I love bacon!

Riley: Then you're gonna add bacon to EVERYTHING, like your microwave!

Jon: Oh, yeah!

Jory: Add bacon strips!

Riley: You wanna add bacon strips to YOUR microwave, don't you, Jory?

Jory: Add bacon strips!

Riley: Do you wanna see a microwave strip FOR you, baby?

Jory: Yeah, I do!

Riley: I REALLY like you!

Riley: BACON, in the microwave!

*theme song plays*

Jory: It smells like victory!

Jory: All hands to the deck!

Jory: Nobody likes roasted nuts!

Jory and Jon: WHOA!

Jory: You got that on camera, right?

Riley: I don't trust this bitch!

Jon: Are you out of your mind?!

Jory: The masks- they do nothing!

Riley: You TOTALLY could have died!

Riley: The tin foil shield- it actually worked!

Jory: Stopping, stopping!

Riley and Playlist Live crowd: 3.5!

Jon: YEAH!

Jory: Is it a good idea to microwave this?

Jory: Let's find out! Here at the...

Jory and Riley: ...Jory Caron Microwave Laboratory 3.5, safety is our #1 concern.

Jory and Riley: That's why we hide behind this giant tin foil shield. It's to protect our nuts, because nobody likes roasted nuts!

*Jory and Riley both take a deep breath*

Jory: We also have a fan to... (coughs) Air or somethin'! I don't know!

Riley: Who's THIS?!

Jory: And the new microwave. It's an Emerson microwave. It's Emily!

Riley: Emily- 900 watts!

Jory: And look- bacon! Bacon, 900 watts! So...

Riley: Alright! (reading Emily's label) "For service, please e-mail us at Internet@EmersonRadio.com."

Jon: I worked on Emerson Radio!

Jory: (to Riley) What was that thing?

Jory: How long should we put it in there for?

Riley: What year did you graduate, Jon?

Jon: Twenty-oh-eight.

Jory: Uh, let's do...

Jon: Put it in there for 8:08, then. Sounds good to me! Let's do it!

*sizzling bacon in frying pan*

*Jory starts Emily*

Jon: Add bacon strips!

Riley: Add bacon strips!

Jory: Ooh! Look at that hole!

Riley: Nice and warm!

Jory: Maple-flavored.

Riley: My meat's gonna explode in her!

*Jory and Riley laugh*

Jory: I have a meat log!

Jory: NO meat is better than bacon- fact!

Jon: If you don't like bacon, there's something wrong with you!

Jory: Best memories involving bacon- go!

Jon: I had, like, some maple wood-smoked bacon and turkey one Thanksgiving. It was pretty much the greatest thing I've ever eaten.

Jory: First time I had sex- bacon! (to Riley) Go!

Riley: This is gonna smell, yeah?

Jon: I hope it smells like bacon. If it smells like bacon, I have no problem with it smelling.

Jory: It's probably gonna smell like burnt plastic, too.

Jon: Shut your face! Let me have this moment!

Jory: But you need to do that to retain the juices. Bacon is, like, a certain portion of the pig. Do humans have a certain portion that's kinda like human bacon?

Jon: Definitely the thighs, dude.

Jory: Is it the thighs?

Jon: Definitely.

Jory: Where is bacon on a pig? It has to be, like, the fattiest rump part.

Jory: Oh, oh!

Riley: There's the smoked part. Oh! The bag is very large, I know.

Jory: Kinda like me?

Jory: (singing) "Backbeat, the word is on the street..."

Jory and Riley: (singing) "...that the fire in your heart is out. I'm sure you've heard it all before, but you never really had a doubt."

Jory and Riley: (singing) I wanna eat some bacon strips. Get them in my mouth!

Jory: (singing) Or else I'll die! Nothing in the world tastes better than bacon strips!

Riley: Bacon strips, yeah!

Jory: (singing) I want to take my cock out and let it have a dip!

Riley: Take my cock out!

Jory: (singing) And bacon grease!

Riley: Grease, grease!

Jory: (singing) It burns a lot!

Riley: Burns a lot, like pee!

Jory: (singing) Because maybe...

Riley: Maybe!

Jory: (singing) ...the hickory's gonna be the one that saves me!

Riley: Or give you a heart attack!

Jory: (singing) And maple after all! I'll drizzle it on my balls!

*Riley laughs hard*

Riley: Can you just imagine that?

*Riley gives squeal while pantomiming fake "drizzling"*

Jon: Pretty good ad-libbin' there, Jory. Maybe you have a career someday as being a terrible singer.

Jon: I really should take all of the musical clips we've ever done and release an album of the greatest, uh, ad-lib songs!

Jory: We should come up with some more, then!

Riley: With 30 songs spewed over six CDs!

Jon: None of which are played in their entirety!

*Riley laughs*

Jory: What's a current song that we can parody right now?

Riley and Jory: (singing to tune of Justin Bieber's "Baby") Bacon, bacon, bacon...

Jory: (still singing) ...strips! I like bacon...

Riley: No, I was thinking... No! No, no, no, no, no! It's like...

Jon: Guys, don't get ahead of yourself. We're not microwaving Bieber for a couple episodes.

Jon: Alright, guys, four seconds left, uh...

Jory: 'Til the best-tasting thing of your life!

Jon: Smells like breakfast, guys!

Jon: Ooh! Look at that steam comin' off!

Jory: It kind of just smells like maple syrup. They aren't done yet, though. Let's open it up!

Riley: I'M not eating it!

Jory: I will! A little bit... I like my bacon rubbery.

Jon: Oh, that's... Drip that bacon grease on to that mannequin head.

Jory: (to Riley) Don't pour it out at once...

Jory: Quick poll in the comments- do you like your bacon crispy or undercooked?

Riley: Jory, grab the thing, so I can...

Jon: Definitely crispy, dude!

Riley: (to mannequin head) How do you like that, babe?

*Jon gives disgusted laugh*

Riley: (to mannequin head) How do you like it? (moans)

Jon: I like it dripped all over my head, boiling hot!

*Riley chuckles*

Jory: Oh, I need to open it!

*Riley gives perverted giggle*

Jory: I need to get it in my mouth!

*Riley laughs*

Jory: (at hot bacon) Aw, [beep] you! Aw, [beep]! [Beep] me! AW!

Jory: Cook it, cook it! Snort it!

Jory: Cook it! Cook that [beep]!

Jory: (excitedly) AW! Hear that pop and sizzle! Cook it more!

Jory: Aw, yeah! Imagine how my fingers feel! Mmm!

Jory: When it's burnt with a lighter, it does not taste good!

Riley: (laughing) It doesn't have that same bacon-y taste?

Jory: So, you may be wondering, is it a good idea to microwave a pack of bacon? No!

*Jory burps*

Jory: Aw! It's starting to kill me! (to Riley) You take over.

Riley: Well, that's about all the time we have for "Is It a Good Idea to Microwave This?"

Riley: This is Jory Caron. He now has food poisoning.

I'm Riley McIlwain, the sidekick. Jonny Paula's on the camera.

Jory: I think it's gonna come out of my butt already!

*end credits play*

Riley: (to Jory) You want the bacon? Want the bacon?

Riley: Take it, take it, take it!

Jory: I'm takin' the bacon!

Jon: This video has become sexual within five seconds!

Riley: Yeah!

*Click on episode #138 to see why Jackie makes the Twink-a-dee-dink smell like graham crackers and a bad day at Grandma's!*