Welcome back to the show.

I just spent seven minutes explaining how prosecutors can

do whatever the fuck they want.

I sure hope Scivance doesn't get vindictive

and start poking around my line of children's tanning salons.

So let's talk about what that lack of accountability

means to the people in their courts,

for example, in California.

Prosecutors, the people that we count on to put criminals

in jail, don't turn over evidence that

could help clear a defendant.

Or they present false evidence.

A massive study found that 707 cases, about one a week,

in which courts found prosecutorial misconduct.

The California State Bar publicly disciplined only 1%

of prosecutors in hundreds and hundreds of cases

of misconduct, just 1%.

Meanwhile, last time I was in California,

the bar punished my ass every day.

In order to get any punishment at all,

prosecutors have to screw up big like former Williamson County,

Texas, DA Ken Anderson, who pleaded guilty to withholding

evidence that could have exonerated Michael

Morton, an innocent man who served

25 years in prison for murder.

Anderson's punishment, a $500 fine, loss of his law license,

community service, and a whole entire 10 days in jail.

Now, before we freak out about that unfair sentence, relax.

It was reduced to five days for good behavior.

When Michael Morton was released,

he had to reckon with a son whose

childhood he'd missed out on.

When DA Anderson was released, he

had to reckon with whether a carton of half and half

it left in his refrigerator was still OK, so pretty much even.

In another shocking example in Detroit,

14-year-old Davontae Sanford was sentenced to 39 to 92 years

in prison for a quadruple murder.

But then a confession came from another man, specifically

an imprisoned hitman named Vincent Smothers, first name

the go-to name for movie hitmen, last name

an actual method of murdering.

Should have been an open and shut case.

Smothers even led police to the murder weapon.

The DA, Kym Worthy, refused to consider that police may

have arrested the wrong person.

Sanford remained in prison for nine years

while Smothers was never charged with the murder.

Neither was his accomplice, Stabby McIdidit.

Some prosecutors even find ways to get creative when

it comes to jailing victims.

DA Leon Cannizzaro is being sued

tonight over his old policy of sending

witnesses fake subpoenas.

I think it should be noted, however, that no one who ever

received a DA's notice, even if it was labeled a district

attorney subpoena, has ever suffered

any sanction or consequences by imprisonment or fine

by the court.

OK, super cool, as long as no one was imprisoned,

this was just like a fun subpoena

prank in the grand tradition of scaring the fucking shit out

of crime victims.

Oh, except here's someone who says she was imprisoned.

Renata Singleton called the police after a boyfriend

smashed her cell phone.

Then she decided to drop the charges

and just dump the boyfriend.

But the police weren't about to let him--

I mean, sorry-- her off so easily.

I can't believe they put me in jail.

And I'm in there because I called the cops

for getting a cell phone broke.

I arrived at the DA's office.

I remember asking, do I get a lawyer?

Can I speak with a lawyer?

And they were like, no.

You're not the criminal.

You're the witness.

And so the cop came in and put the handcuffs on me.

I found out that my bond was $100,000.

All of this because they wanted her to testify

against an ex-boyfriend.

If you want a woman to say something bad about her ex, all

you have to do is give her two margaritas

and put on a Beyonce song.

Everybody knows that.

Cannizzaro is now the target of two lawsuits

and an ethics complaint.

But somehow, he's still the New Orleans district attorney.

And the prosecutors jailing victims trend

has swept the nation.

In Washington, it was a victim of kidnapping

and sexual assault, in Louisiana, an alleged

child sex trafficking victim.

And in Oregon, a witness was jailed for two and a half years

so he could testify against his son in a murder trial.

[LAUGHING] And you thought Christmas with your dad

was awkward.

All of this is possible because, as you'll recall,

prosecutors can do whatever the fuck they want.

Look.

I know.

Prosecutors have a difficult job.

They have to fight for justice every day

while suppressing their burning sexual tension

with Mariska Hargitay.

We need prosecutors, but we also need them to be better.

The justice system is full of checks and balances,

but somehow these guys are unchecked

and sometimes unbalanced.

So hey, political parties, maybe consider

making these races competitive.

So sexual assault victims can get justice,

and people of color can get a fair shake,

and I don't have to write in Oprah next time

to vote against Cy Vance.

We'll be right back.

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