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  • A long time ago in a galaxy far far

  • We're just under the ocean silly.

  • Not so long ago in the middle of the pacific ocean, a giant portal opened up that allowed

  • giant monsters to come through.

  • Hey Everyone!

  • Oooops!

  • Clumsy me!!

  • Sorry bout that

  • I'm just too big for my britches!

  • The monsters were called Kaiju and they kept coming.

  • Since they were really good at breaking our stuff,

  • they had to be stopped.

  • Rather than invest in more practical options like flying weapon platforms

  • or satellites that could just cook the monsters from orbit,

  • we decided to build robots.

  • I build robots.

  • Robots designed to do one thing.

  • Punch monsters in the face.

  • C'mon big brother!

  • Time to go fight a Kaiju Okay bro!

  • I hope nothing bad happens to one of us!

  • Ooooo!

  • Nice boat!

  • Step away from the boat!

  • Can I play?

  • WOOOPSIE!

  • My internals!!

  • NOOOOOOOOO!

  • SOMETHING BAD HAPPENED TO ONE OF US!!!

  • The Monsters keep getting stronger.

  • What should we do?

  • Keep using robots!

  • Nah that's dumb.

  • What else could we do?

  • We can build a giant wall. and make the Kaiju pay for it!

  • Yeah!

  • Do it!

  • My man!

  • Man, building this wall sucks!

  • But at least I get to do this WEEEEEEEEEE!!!

  • This just in!!!

  • There's been another Kaiju attack.

  • Hi guys!

  • Nice wall!

  • Oh No!

  • The wall didn't keep out the illegal alien!

  • Luckily there was a Jaeger nearby that was able kill the kaiju.

  • You're welcome everyone!

  • Because I'm the best Jaeger pilot ever!

  • I used to be the best pilot ever...

  • Wanna come back and prove it!

  • No.

  • Come on.

  • PRETTY PLEASE!!!

  • Ok.

  • This is Mako.

  • She's my assistant and totally not my adopted daughter

  • Hello

  • And this is our research team.

  • I'm a scientist and I LOVE Kaiju!

  • And I'm a scientist and I HATE everything!

  • THIS... is the number 4.

  • Also Kaijus are about to start coming more frequently so we're all probably gonna die soon.

  • Well we should nuke them.

  • It's the only way to be sure.

  • I don't wanna do that.

  • I want to connect brains you know?

  • Find out what they're planning

  • That's dumb.. you're dumb..

  • So you're the Marshal's assistant huh?

  • What do you think about me?

  • I think you're dangerous.

  • I took my shirt off, how about now?

  • ohhhh myyyy….

  • You think you're so great, don't you?

  • Not really.

  • No, but I'm pretty awesome

  • Nu uh!

  • I'm totally better than you!

  • OOOOHHHH

  • I need to fight some fools!

  • I'm tired of fighting boys.

  • I want to fight a girl.

  • Can I?!

  • No.

  • Please?

  • Okay.

  • Okay, she's really good at fighting so that means she's my girlfriend...

  • I mean copilot

  • No.

  • Please?

  • Okay.

  • Okay, I know they told me not tobut I'm just gonna connect to this kaiju

  • brain anyway because YOLO!

  • Oh man!

  • I totally know their plan!

  • What did you see?

  • I need another brain!

  • I think I know a guy

  • I'm Hannibal.

  • But you can call me Hellboy.

  • Oh, nice to meet you, Hellb..

  • OOOWWW!

  • THAT'S NO WAY TO SAY HELLO!

  • Sorry.

  • Force of habit.

  • It's time connect our minds so we can pilot this robot together.

  • Don't worry.

  • Nothing bad can possibly happen, just don't go into your origin story-

  • TOO LATE!!!

  • Mommy?

  • Hey little girl!

  • Don't run!

  • I can help you find your parents!

  • Go away!

  • Oh No!!!

  • She's arming the weapon!

  • Oh No!

  • The weapon's right in front of us!!

  • What a truly dangerous exercise!

  • You two are not pilot compatible.

  • Well maybe we should have a better screening process than fighting with sticks..

  • This is an ear

  • CAN YOU HEAR ME NOW?!?!?!

  • Nope.

  • Liar.

  • Hey everyone!

  • Guess what!

  • I brought a friend!

  • What up!

  • Alright!

  • We got 2 Kaijus to kill this time.

  • You two…. are completely expendable, we barely even know your names so you go fight the Kaiju.

  • Got it!

  • And you are a little more important so you hang back.

  • Got it!

  • I need a Kaiju brain so I can connect my brain to that brain.

  • Again.

  • AGAIN!?

  • YOU IDIOT!

  • Now they are gonna find you!

  • Hey!

  • Do you know where my friend is?

  • 3 Arm ATTACK!

  • Be careful with those!

  • They're sharp!

  • Throw ATTACK

  • WEEEEEE!!

  • We'll take it from here.

  • Go to sleep.

  • Go to sleep.

  • I'm not tired!

  • Owww!

  • The other Jaegers need help sir!

  • I SAID THEY'RE EXPENDABLE!!

  • We're expendable!!!!

  • Hey!

  • Stop hurting our friends!

  • AH AH AH CHOOOOO!!!

  • Ewwwww!!!!

  • We gotta fire our missles!

  • PAUSE!!!!!

  • What just happened?

  • The blast knocked out all our equipment.

  • Not Gypsy Danger because she's…

  • analog!

  • Then get in there!

  • You wanna do something really stupid?

  • Ohhhh yeaaaaa!

  • Yeah!

  • Take that you!

  • Ow!

  • My eye!

  • Now go home and think about what you..

  • OH THANK GOODNESS!

  • Ooo Another friend!

  • Imma give you a hug!

  • This ocean is getting boring..

  • Let's go play in the city!

  • WEEEEEE!!!

  • You know what's stronger than metal hands?

  • Metal hands holding metal boxes!

  • We did it!

  • Hey.

  • You wanna shoot it's corpse

  • Yes!

  • On second thought we maybe should've saved those

  • Best friend!

  • I know you're in there!

  • Heard you like to play with boats!

  • Boater up!

  • OOOOHHH a boa...

  • Hey give me that boat!

  • You need to tell your tail to chill

  • Hey that's cold

  • Surprise wings activate!

  • We're screwed Mako.

  • We're losing oxygen.

  • We don't have any more weapons.

  • Except for the sword!!

  • Oh wow our minds are totally connected and yet I still didn't know that weapon was

  • even part of th..

  • OW!

  • I'm half kaiju I used to be

  • And now we're falling.

  • Aim for that football stadium!

  • SUPERHERO LANDING!!!

  • Did they die?

  • Nope.

  • Hey!

  • Gimme the Kaiju brain

  • Okay..

  • I'm sorry boss, but the brain has been damaged.

  • If only there was a way to get another kaiju brain almost immediately with no further plot development.

  • Perhaps I could be of some assistance!

  • Ahh!

  • A convenient Baby Kaiju!

  • earn this….

  • I claim him.

  • That one's mine!

  • Finders keepers everyo...

  • No survivors!

  • I'm not dead..

  • Alright Herman!

  • We're running out of time.

  • I gotta connect my brain to this Kaiju.

  • You mean we BOTH have to connect our brains.

  • You mean it?

  • By george, I most certainly do!

  • Awkward handshake time!

  • Ooo My favorite!

  • Boop boop tap tap!

  • There it is!

  • Haha!

  • Ladies and gentlemen.

  • It's time for our last mission.

  • Now you might be asking yourself why is your commander getting into a Jaeger?

  • Well truth is, I don't want to be in the sequel.

  • I'm a bigger actor than all of you put together and I'm tired of this crap!

  • Get John Boyega or something to do it.

  • Make him my son or whatever.

  • I'm sure he'll be huge, like in Star Wars huge.

  • You guys like Star Wars, don't you?!

  • Yeah!

  • Haha..

  • Nerds..

  • We have to tell them!

  • The plan is not going to work!

  • Why don't the helicopters drop us closer again?

  • Two Kaijus are waiting at the portal for you.

  • Hello there!

  • You lost?

  • Wait! Change of plans!

  • The bomb won't go through the portal unless it's connected to a Kaiju.

  • Any volunteers?

  • I'm getting another signal!

  • It's a CAT5!

  • Bet ya thought I was gonna be Godzilla

  • I've been practicing ballet ALL day!

  • Wanna see?

  • Analog chop!!

  • Aww, you stink!

  • No wonder nobody likes you!

  • You heard of deodorant?!

  • Help!

  • I'm being cyber bullied.

  • Not cool bro!

  • This doesn't look good.

  • We better blow ourselves up

  • Raleigh!

  • We're out..

  • It's all up to you now!

  • What?

  • You guys do the rest.

  • That's an order.

  • Alright, you heard the man.

  • Let's go!

  • I'll come with you so you can pass through the portal!

  • Alright!

  • We're in!

  • Let's finish this!

  • Escape pod!

  • What the heck is that?

  • You guys ever had a..

  • Jaeger Bomb?

  • Oh poop!

  • Escape Pod!

  • Oh my gosh!

  • We passed back through the portal without Kaiju DNA!

  • How lucky!

  • Raleigh?!!!

  • Did you die?!

  • Mako listen.

  • You're going to have to do CPR.

  • I will hug him instead.

  • What?

  • I can't breathe..

  • Yay!

  • It worked.

  • Alllllright!

  • We did it! …. until the sequel.

  • Raleigh!

  • Mako!

  • The choppers are on their way

  • Okay, well I don't know why you need to send 19 choppers out here just for the two of us

  • but that's fine

  • Hey, you passed us!

  • Hey!...

  • Are they coming back?

A long time ago in a galaxy far far

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