I set out on a mission to find God.

幾年前，

Now, I'm going to tell you right up front that I failed,

我展開了一項尋找神的任務。

which, as a lawyer,

我先告訴各位，我失敗了，

is a really hard thing for me to admit.

身為律師，

But on that failed journey,

我真的很難承認這件事。

a lot of what I found was enlightening.

但，在那趟失敗的旅程中，

And one thing in particular gave me a lot of hope.

許多發現都相當有啟發性。

It has to do with the magnitude and significance of our differences.

其中特別有一項， 給了我許多希望。

So, I was raised in America by Indian parents -- culturally Hindu,

它和我們的差異的大小 以及重要性有關。

but practicing a strict and relatively unknown religion outside of India

我在美國長大，父母是 印度人——文化上是印度，

called Jainism.

但他們信仰的是在印度外的宗教， 嚴格且相對不太為人所知，

To give you an idea of just how minority that makes me:

叫做耆那教。

people from India represent roughly one percent of the US population;

讓各位知道一下這種宗教 讓我變成多麼少數：

Hindus, about 0.7 percent;

美國人口中，約有 1% 來自印度；

Jains, at most .00046 percent.

印度人大約是 0.7%；

To put that in context:

耆那教徒，最多 0.00046%。

more people visit the Vermont Teddy Bear Factory each year

用情境來比喻：

than are followers of the Jain religion in America.

每年造訪佛蒙特州泰迪熊工廠的人數

To add to my minority mix, my parents then decided,

都比美國的耆那教徒還多。

"What a great idea! Let's send her to Catholic school" --

我的少數狀況又再上一層樓， 因為我父母決定：

(Laughter)

「好棒的點子！咱們送她 去讀天主教學校。」——

where my sister and I were the only non-white,

（笑聲）

non-Catholic students in the entire school.

全校只有我和我妹妹是

At the Infant Jesus of Prague School in Flossmoor, Illinois --

非白人、非天主教的學生。

yes, that's really what it was called --

在伊利諾州佛羅斯的 布拉格聖嬰耶穌學校——

we were taught to believe that there is a single Supreme Being

是的，校名真的就是這樣——

who is responsible for everything,

我們被教導要相信 有唯一的至高神存在，

the whole shebang,

祂要對一切負責，

from the creation of the Universe to moral shepherding to eternal life.

所有的狀況，

But at home,

從創造宇宙，到道德指引， 到永生，都歸祂管。

I was being taught something entirely different.

但在家裡，

Followers of the Jain religion

我被教導的又完全不同了。

don't believe in a single Supreme Being

耆那教的追隨者

or even a team of Supreme Beings.

不相信單一的至高神，

Instead, we're taught that God manifests

甚至不相信一組至高神。

as the perfection of each of us as individuals,

反之，我們被教導的是，

and that we're actually spending our entire lives

我們每個人身上的完美， 就是神現形的方式，

striving to remove the bad karmas

我們其實窮盡我們的一生，

that stand in the way of us becoming our own godlike, perfect selves.

努力消除不好的「業」，

On top of that, one of the core principles of Jainism

因為它阻擋我們，不讓我們 成為那個如神般的完美自己。

is something called "non-absolutism."

最重要的是，耆那教的核心原則之一

Non-absolutists believe that no single person

是所謂的「非絕對主義」。

can hold ownership or knowledge of absolute truth,

非絕對主義者認為，沒有一個人

even when it comes to religious beliefs.

能夠持有絕對真相的所有權或知識，

Good luck testing that concept out

即使在宗教信仰上也一樣。

on the priests and nuns in your Catholic school.

若想在你的天主教學校中

(Laughter)

對神父和修女完整測試 那個概念，祝你好運。

No wonder I was confused

（笑聲）

and hyperaware of how different I was from my peers.

難怪我當時會困惑，

Cut to 20-something years later,

且非常能意識到我和 我的同儕有多麼不同。

and I found myself to be a highly spiritual person,

跳到二十多年後，

but I was floundering.

我發現我自己是個高度靈性的人，

I was spiritually homeless.

但我在掙扎。

I came to learn that I was a "None,"

在精神世界中，我無家可歸。

which isn't an acronym or a clever play on words,

我漸漸了解，我是一個 「無信仰者（none）」，

nor is it one of these.

它不是字首縮寫或是 在文字上賣弄小聰明，

It's simply the painfully uninspired name

也不是這些之一。 (註：修女 nun，英語發音近似)

given to everyone who checks off the box "none"

它很單純，就是一個 痛苦且沒激情的名字，

when Pew Research asks them about their religious affiliation.

給予那些被皮尤研究中心 （註：美國一民調和智庫機構）

(Laughter)

問到宗教信仰時，勾選「無」的人。

Now, a couple of interesting things about Nones are:

（笑聲）

there are a lot of us,

關於無信仰者，有一些有趣的事：

and we skew young.

我們人數很多，

In 2014, there were over 56 million religiously unaffiliated Nones

我們偏年輕。

in the United States.

2014 年，有 5600 萬人 沒有宗教信仰，

And Nones account for over one-third of adults

這是美國的數據。

between the ages of 18 to 33.

18 至 33 歲的成年人中

But the most interesting thing to me about Nones

有三分之一以上是無信仰者。

is that we're often spiritual.

但，關於無信仰者 我覺得最有趣的是，

In fact, 68 percent of us believe, with some degree of certainty,

我們通常都是靈性的人。

that there is a God.

事實上，我們當中 有 68% 的人相信

We're just not sure who it is.

在某種程度上必然有神存在。

(Laughter)

我們只是不確定祂是誰。

So the first takeaway for me

（笑聲）

when I realized I was a None and had found that information out

當我了解到我是個無信仰者，

was that I wasn't alone.

且找出了那些資訊之後， 我學到的第一件事是，

I was finally part of a group in America

我並不孤單。

that had a lot of members,

終於，在美國，我隸屬一個

which felt really reassuring.

人數眾多的團體了，

But then the second, not-so-reassuring takeaway

這感覺挺令人寬慰的。

was that, oh, man, there are a lot of us.

但我學到的第二件事 就不那麼令人寬慰了，

That can't be good,

那就是，喔，天，我們人數好多啊。

because if a lot of highly spiritual people are currently godless,

那不可能是好事，

maybe finding God is not going to be as easy as I had originally hoped.

因為，如果目前有很多 高度靈性的人不信仰神，

So that is when I decided that on my spiritual journey,

那麼，也許找到神並沒有 我原本希望的那麼容易。

I was going to avoid the obvious places

那時，我下定決心， 在我的靈性之旅中，

and skip the big-box religions altogether

我要避開明顯的地方，

and instead venture out into the spiritual fringe

且略過所有的大型宗教，

of mediums

取而代之，我要冒險 進入靈性的邊緣，

and faith healers

去探索靈媒、

and godmen.

信念治癒者

But remember, I'm a non-absolutist,

及神人。

which means I was pretty inclined to keep a fairly open mind,

但，切記，我是個非絕對主義者，

which turned out to be a good thing,

這表示我很傾向保持很開放的心胸，

because I went to a witch's potluck dinner

結果發現，這是件好事，

at the LGBT Center in New York City,

因為我去參加了女巫的攜菜聚餐， （註：每人各自帶菜共享）

where I befriended two witches;

位在紐約市的 LGBT 多元中心。 （註：同性戀、雙性戀和跨性別族群）

drank a five-gallon jerrican full of volcanic water

我和兩位女巫交了朋友；

with a shaman in Peru;

喝了滿滿五加崙汽油桶的火山水，

got a hug from a saint in the convention center --

和秘魯的黃教僧一起喝；

she smelled really nice --

在會議中心得到聖人的一個擁抱，

(Laughter)

她真的很好聞；

chanted for hours in a smoke-filled, heat-infused sweat lodge

（笑聲）

on the beaches of Mexico;

在滿是煙且很熱的印第安 蒸汽浴室中吟誦了數小時，

worked with a tequila-drinking medium to convene with the dead,

位在墨西哥的海灘上；

who oddly included both my deceased mother-in-law

和喝龍舌蘭酒的靈某一起召喚亡者，

and the deceased manager of the hip-hop group The Roots.

奇特的是她納入的人 同時有我已故的岳母

(Laughter)

以及嬉哈扎根樂團 （The Roots）的已故經理。

Yeah, my mother-in-law told me she was really happy

（笑聲）

her son had chosen me for his wife.

是的，我的岳母告訴我， 她非常高興

Duh! But --

她兒子選擇和我結婚。

(Laughter)

那還用說！但

Yeah.

（笑聲）

But the manager of The Roots

是啊。

said that maybe I should cut back on all the pasta I was eating.

但扎根樂團的經理

I think we can all agree

說我也許應該要把 我在吃的義大利麵減量。

that it was lucky for my husband that it wasn't his dead mother

我想，我們都認同

who suggested I lay off carbs.

我先生很幸運，不是他的已故母親

(Laughter)

建議我停止吃碳水化合物。

I also joined a laughing yoga group out of South Africa;

（笑聲）

witnessed a woman have a 45-minute orgasm --

我也加入了一個 來自非洲的笑瑜伽團體；

I am not making this up --

我目擊了一位女子， 高潮長達四十五分鐘——

as she tapped into the energy of the universe --

不是我編造的——

I think I'm going to go back there --

當時她是在利用宇宙的能量——

(Laughter)

我想我要再回去那裡——

called God from a phone booth in the Nevada desert at Burning Man,

（笑聲）

wearing a unitard and ski goggles;

在內華達州的燃燒人節慶上 從一間電話亭打電話給神，

and I had an old Indian guy lie on top of me,

穿著彈力緊身衣和滑雪護目鏡；

and no, he wasn't my husband.

我還讓一位老印度人躺在我上面，

This was a perfect stranger named Paramji,

不，他不是我老公。

and he was chanting into my chakras

這位素未平生的陌生人叫帕拉姆先生，

as he tapped into the energy forces of the Universe to heal my "yoni,"

他在對著我的脈輪吟誦，

which is a Sanskrit word for "vagina."

同時他利用宇宙的能量 來治癒我的「yoni」，

(Laughter)

這個字是梵文，意思是「陰道」。

I was going to have a slide here,

（笑聲）

but a few people suggested

我本來要放一張投影片的，

that a slide of my yoni at TED -- even TEDWomen --

但有些人建議，

not the best idea.

在 TED 放我的 yoni 投影片， 就算在 TEDWomen，

(Laughter)

不是個最好的主意。

Very early in my quest,

（笑聲）

I also went to see the Brazilian faith healer John of God

在追尋之旅的非常初期，

at his compound down in Brazil.

我也去見了巴西的 信念治癒者，神的約翰，

Now, John of God is considered a full-trance medium,

地點在巴西，他的院子中。

which basically means he can talk to dead people.

神的約翰被認為是完全出神的靈媒，

But in his case, he claims to channel a very specific group

基本上，這意味著他能和死人說話。

of dead saints and doctors

但在他的案例中，他聲稱 他溝通的是一個非常明確的族群：

in order to heal whatever's wrong with you.

死掉的聖人和醫生，

And although John of God does not have a medical degree

目的是要治癒你的任何問題。

or even a high school diploma,

雖然神的約翰沒有醫學學位，

he actually performs surgery --

他甚至沒有高中畢業，

the real kind, with a scalpel,

他會真的進行手術，

but no anesthesia.

真正的手術，要用解剖刀的，

Yeah, I don't know.

但不用麻醉。

He also offers invisible surgery, where there is no cutting,

是啊，我不知道。

and surrogate surgery,

他也提供隱形手術，不會有切口，

where he supposedly can treat somebody who is thousands of miles away

還有代理手術，

by performing a procedure on a loved one.

用這種手術，他可以 治療在數千英哩外的人，

Now, when you go to visit John of God,

只要把治療程序用在他愛的人身上。

there are all kinds of rules and regulations.

當你去造訪神的約翰時，

It's a whole complicated thing,

有各種規則和規定要遵守。

but the bottom line is that you can visit John of God

那是非常複雜的，

and present him with three things that you would like fixed,

但若能遵守，你最後 就能見到神的約翰，

and he will set the dead saints and doctors to work on your behalf

告訴他三樣你想要修好的事物，

to get the job done.

他會讓死掉的聖人和醫生來代表你

(Laughter)

把事情搞定。

Now, before you snicker,

（笑聲）

consider

在你竊笑之前，

that, at least according to his website,

先想想，

over eight million people --

至少，根據他的網站，

including Oprah,

超過八百萬人——

the Goddess of Daytime TV --

包括歐普拉，

have gone to see John of God,

白天電視節目的女神——

and I was pre-wired to keep an open mind.

都去見過神的約翰，

But to be honest, the whole thing for me was kind of weird and inconclusive,

而我預先就採取了開放的心胸。

and in the end, I flew home,

但，老實說，對我而言， 這整件事挺詭異且沒有說服力，

even more confused than I already started out.

最終，我飛回家，

But that doesn't mean I came home empty-handed.

比我一開始時還更困惑。

In the weeks leading up to my trip to Brazil,

但那並不表示我兩手空空地回家。

I mentioned my upcoming plans to some friends

在我為巴西之旅做準備的那幾週，

and to a couple of colleagues at Google,

我向一些朋友提到我後續的計畫，

where I was a lawyer at the time.

也對 Google 的幾個同事提到，

And I might have mentioned it to a couple more people

當時我在那裡當律師。

because I'm chatty,

我可能還有向一些其他人提到，

including my neighbor,

因為我很愛聊天，

the guy who works at the local coffee shop I go to each morning,

包括我的鄰居、

the checkout lady at Whole Foods

在我每天早上要去的 當地咖啡廳工作的一個人、

and a stranger who sat next to me on the subway.

全食超市結帳台的女員工，

I told each of them where I was going

以及在地鐵上坐 我旁邊的一個陌生人。

and why,

我告訴這些人，我要去哪裡，

and I offered to carry three wishes of theirs down to Brazil,

以及為什麼去，

explaining that anyone going to see John of God

我自願幫他們帶三個願望到巴西，

could act as a proxy for others

我解釋說，任何人 只要去見神的約翰，

and save them the trip.

就能夠當其他人的代理人，

And to my surprise, my in-box overflowed.

幫其他人省下一趟旅行。

Friends told friends who told friends,

我很意外，我的收件匣爆滿了。

and those friends apparently told more friends,

朋友告訴朋友，朋友再告訴朋友，

other strangers and the guys at their coffee shops,

顯然那些朋友又再告訴更多朋友、

until it seemed that days before I left for Brazil

其他陌生人，及在咖啡廳的其他人，

that there was no one who did not have my email address.

當我要前往巴西的前幾天，

And at the time, all I could conclude was that I had offered too much

已經傳到沒人不知道 我的電子郵件地址了。

to too many.

那時，我唯一的結論是， 我自願提供的協助太多，

But when I actually reread those messages a few years later,

且提供給太多人。

I noticed something completely different.

但，幾年後，我重新讀了那些訊息，

Those emails actually shared three commonalities,

我注意到了完全不一樣的東西。

the first of which was rather curious.

那些電子郵件其實有三項共通性，

Almost everyone sent me meticulous details about how they could be reached.

第一項還蠻異常的。

I had told them, or their friends had told them,

幾乎每個人都寄給我太細節的資訊， 說明如何聯絡到他們。

that along with the list of the three things they wanted fixed,

我有告訴過他們， 或他們的朋友有告訴過他們，

I needed their photo, their name and their date of birth.

除了寫一張猜單列出三件 他們想要修補的事情之外，

But they gave me full addresses, with, like, apartment numbers and zip codes,

我也需要他們的 照片、姓名，以及生日。

as if John of God was going to stop by their house

但他們給我完整的地址， 有門牌號碼和郵遞區號，

and see them in person or send along a package.

好像神的約翰會 順道造訪他們家

It was as if, in the highly unlikely event that their wishes were granted

親自會見他們， 或是寄個包裏過去似的。

by John of God,

那就好像是，如果他們的 願望被神的約翰給實現，

they just wanted to make sure that they weren't delivered

雖然不太可能，

to the wrong person or the wrong address.

他們就是想要確保願望不會被送給

Even if they didn't believe,

錯的人或是錯的地址。

they were hedging their bets.

即使他們並不相信，

The second commonality was just as curious,

他們也是腳踏兩條船。

but far more humbling.

第二項共通性也一樣異常，

Virtually everyone --

但更會讓人謙卑。

the stranger on the subway,

差不多是每個人——

the guy at the coffee shop,

地鐵上的陌生人、

the lawyer down the hall,

咖啡廳的人、

the Jew, the atheist, the Muslim, the devout Catholic --

走道另一頭的律師、

all asked for essentially the same three things.

猶太人、無神論者、 穆斯林、虔誠的天主教徒——

OK, there were a couple of outliers, and yes, a few people asked for cash.

基本上，都想要同樣的三樣東西。

But when I eliminated what were ultimately a handful of anomalies,

是有些離群值，而且有人想要現金。

the similarities were staggering.

但當我把一些最終被歸為 離群值的資料去除之後，

Almost every single person

相似性挺驚人的。

first asked for good health for themselves and their families.

幾乎每個人

Almost universally,

都先祈求自己與家人的健康。

they next asked for happiness

幾乎所有人

and then love,

接著就會祈求快樂，

in that order:

然後就是愛。

health, happiness, love.

依這個順序：

Sometimes they asked for a specific health issue to be fixed,

健康、快樂、愛。

but more often than not, they just asked for good health in general.

有時，他們會明確祈求 某個健康議題能被解決，

When it came to happiness,

但多數時候他們祈求一般性的健康。

they each phrased it slightly differently,

至於快樂，

but they all asked for the same specific subtype of happiness, too --

他們每個人的表達方式都不太一樣，

the kind of happiness that sinks in

但他們也都會明確希望 能得到某種類的快樂——