Among us, 1,250 have been or will be sexually assaulted

今天在場約有 5,000 名女性，

at some point in our lives.

當中有 1,250 位曾被性侵，

One in four.

或將在人生某個時間點會被性侵。

Only 10 percent will report it.

每四個人中就有一個；

The other 90 percent take refuge in silence --

其中只有 10% 的人會舉報，

half of them, because the incident involves a close family member

其他 90% 避難在沉默中；

or someone they know,

當中一半的人因為性侵事件 涉及到家庭的近親

and that makes it much more difficult to deal with and talk about.

或是她們認識的人，

The other half don't talk about it

使得情況更難處理、更難以啟齒；

because they fear they won't be believed.

而另一半說不出口

And they're right -- because we don't.

是因為害怕沒人會相信她們。

Today I want to share with you why I think we don't believe them.

她們的顧慮是對的， 我們的確不相信她們。

We don't believe them because when a woman tells what happened to her,

今天，我和與各位分享 為什麼我們不相信她們。

she tells us things we can't imagine,

我們不相信，是因為當 一位女性說出她的遭遇時，

things that disturb us,

她說出我們無法想像的事情，

things we don't expect to hear,

讓我們不舒服的事情，

things that shock us.

我們未預期聽到的事情，

We expect to hear stories like this one:

讓我們震驚的事情。

"Girl raped near the Mitre Railroad tracks.

我們預期聽到這樣的故事：

It happened at midnight as she was on her way home.

「女孩在鄰近米特勒鐵路處被強暴。

She said that someone attacked her from behind,

事情發生在晚上，她正在回家路上。

told her not to scream, said he had a gun and that she shouldn't move.

她說，有人從後方攻擊她，

He raped her and then fled the scene."

說他手上有槍， 叫她不許尖叫、不准動。

When we hear or read a story like this,

他強暴了她，然後逃離現場。」

we immediately visualize it:

聽到或讀到這樣的故事，

the rapist, a depraved lower-class man.

我們馬上會將它視覺化：

And the victim, a young, attractive woman.

強暴者是個頹廢的社會低層男性。

The image only lasts 10 or 20 seconds, and it's dark and two-dimensional;

受害者是年輕迷人的女性。

there's no movement, no sound; it's as if there were no people involved.

這個畫面只會持續十或二十秒， 且它是黑暗、平面的；

But when a woman tells her story, it doesn't fit in 10 or 20 seconds.

沒有動態、沒有聲音； 就像沒有人涉入一樣。

The following is the testimony of a woman I'll call "Ana."

但當一個女性說出她的故事， 不會是十秒或二十秒而已。

She's one of the 85 women I interviewed

下面是一位女子的證詞， 我用「安娜」來稱呼她。

while conducting research on sexual assault.

她是我所訪問的 85 位女性之一，

Ana told me:

我當時在做關於性侵的研究。

"I had gone with the girls in the office to the same pub we always go to.

安娜告訴我：

We met some guys,

「我和辦公室的其他女孩一起去 我們通常會去的那間酒吧。

and I hooked up with this super cool guy; we talked a lot.

我們遇到幾個男生，

Around 4am, I told my friends it was time to go.

我認識了一個超酷的男生， 我們聊了很多。

They wanted to stay.

大約清晨四點， 我告訴我朋友該走了。

So, the guy asked me where I lived

她們想留下。

and said if it was OK with me, he'd drive me home.

這個男生問我住在哪裡，

I agreed, and we left.

他說如果我許可，他願意載我回家。

At a stoplight, he told me he liked me and touched my leg.

我說好，我們就離開了。

I don't like a guy to approach me that way,

在等一個紅燈時，他告訴我 他喜歡我，並觸摸我的腿。

but he had been affectionate all night.

我不喜歡男生用那種方式接近我，

I thought, 'I shouldn't be so paranoid.

但他整晚都很溫柔深情。

What if I say something but he didn't mean anything by it,

我心想用不著那麼多疑。

and I offend him?'

如果我說了什麼， 卻發現他的意圖不是我想的，

When he should have made a turn, he kept going straight.

結果冒犯了他怎麼辦？

I thought he had made a mistake, and I said,

當他該轉彎的時候卻繼續直行，

'You should have turned there.'

我想是他錯過了。

But something felt off.

我說：「你剛剛那邊應該轉彎。」

Thinking back, I wonder,

但感覺有點不太對勁。

'Why didn't I pay attention to what I was feeling?'

現在回想，我納悶：

When he pulled over near the highway,

「為什麼我沒有留意當時的感覺？」

that's when I got scared.

當他在高速公路附近靠邊停車時，

But he told me to relax, that he liked me,

我感到害怕了。

and that nothing would happen unless I wanted it to.

但他叫我放輕鬆，說他喜歡我，

He was nice.

且什麼都不會發生，除非我想要。

I didn't say anything,

他人很好。

because I was afraid he would get angry,

我什麼都沒說，

and that things would get worse.

因為我怕他會生氣，

I thought he might have a gun in the glove compartment.

情況就會變糟。

Suddenly, he jumped on me and tried to kiss me.

我猜想在手套置物箱中 可能會有把槍。

I said no. I wanted to push him away, but he was holding my arms down.

突然，他跳到我身上，試著親吻我。

When I wriggled free, I tried to open the door, but it was locked.

我說不要，想把他推開， 但他壓制住我的手臂。

And even if I had gotten out, where would I have gone?

當我掙開時，我試著開門， 但門被鎖住了。

I told him he wasn't the kind of guy who needed to do that to be with a girl,

就算我能逃出去，我能往哪跑？

and that I liked him, too, but not in that way.

我告訴他，他不是需要 對女孩做那種事的那種男人，

I tried to calm him down.

且我也喜歡他， 但不是那種喜歡方式。

I said nice things about him.

我試著安撫他，

I talked to him as if I were his older sister.

對他說好話。

Suddenly, he covered my mouth with one hand

我跟他說話的方式， 就像我是他姐姐一樣。

and with the other hand he unbuckled his belt.

突然，他用一隻手摀住了我的嘴巴，

I thought right then he would kill me, strangle me, you know?

用另一隻手解開了他的皮帶。

I never felt so alone,

當下我以為他要殺我、 勒死我，你知道嗎？

like I had been kidnapped.

我從來沒有感到那麼孤單過，

I asked him to finish quickly and then take me home."

就像我被綁架了一樣。

How did you feel listening to this story?

我請他快點結束，然後送我回家。」

Surely, several questions arose.

聽這個故事，你們的感覺如何？

For example: Why didn't she roll down the window and call for help?

當然，會想問許多問題。

Why didn't she get out of the car when she felt something bad might happen?

比如：為什麼她不搖下窗戶求救？

How could she ask him to take her home?

為什麼她不在感覺有壞事 要發生時就快點下車？

Now, when we hear this kind of story not on the news

她怎麼能讓他載她回家？

or from someone like me, presenting it on a stage like this --

當我們聽到這種故事── 不是從新聞聽到，

when we're hearing it from someone we know

不是從像我這樣 在台上演說的人聽到──

who chose to entrust us with the story of what happened to them,

而是從認識的人那聽到這種故事，

we'll have to listen.

而且她是因信得過我們才說出來的，

And we'll hear things we won't be able to understand --

我們就得要傾聽。

or accept.

我們會聽到一些無法理解

And then doubts, questions and suspicion will creep in.

或無法接受的事。

And that is going to make us feel really bad and guilty.

接著，懷疑、問題、猜疑 都會在不知不覺中產生，

So to protect ourselves from the discomfort, we have an option.

使我們感到很糟且很有罪惡感。

We turn up the volume on all the parts of the story

為了避開這種不舒服， 我們有個選項，

that we expected to hear:

我們會把故事中預期聽見的部份

a gun in the glove compartment, the locked doors, the isolated location.

通通給放大：

And we turn down the volume on all the parts of the story

手套置物箱中的槍、 鎖上的門、偏遠的地點。

that we didn't expect to hear

我們會把故事中 我們不預期聽見、

and that we don't want to hear;

不想聽見的部份，

like when she tells him that she liked him, too,

通通給縮小；

or when she tells us she spoke to him as if she were his older sister,

比如她告訴他說她也喜歡他、

or that she asked him to take her home.

她像姐姐般對他說話，

Why do we do this?

或是她請他送她回家。

It's so we can believe her;

為什麼我們要這樣做？

so we can feel confident that she really was a victim.

這樣我們才能相信她，

I call this "victimization of the victim."

這樣我們才能確定她真的是受害者。

"Victimization," because in order to believe she's innocent,

我稱之為「將受害者給受害者化」。

that she's a victim,

「受害者化」，為要相信她的無辜，

we need to think of her as helpless, paralyzed, mute.

相信她是受害者，

But there's another way to avoid the discomfort.

我們得要想像她無助、 嚇得不能動彈、說不出話來。

And it's exactly the opposite:

但還有另一種方式可以避免不舒服，

we turn up the volume on the things we didn't expect to hear,

是完全相反的方式：

such as "I spoke nicely to him," "I asked him to take me home,"

我們會把故事中我們 不預期聽見的部份給放大，

"I asked him to finish quickly,"

比如：「我好好跟他說」、 「我請他送我回家」、

and we turn down the volume on the things we did expect to hear:

「我請他快點結束」，

the gun in the glove compartment,

然後把我們預期聽見的部份給縮小：

the isolation.

手套置物箱中的槍、

Why do we do this?

偏遠地區。

We do it so we can cling to the doubts

為什麼我們要這樣做？

and feel more comfortable about them.

這樣我們才能緊緊抓住懷疑，

Then, new questions arise, for instance:

才能漸漸不會對懷疑感到不舒服。

Who told her go to those clubs?

接著，就會有新問題出現，比如：

You saw how she and her friends were dressed, right?

誰叫她去那些夜店的？

Those miniskirts, those necklines?

你看到她和她的朋友 怎麼穿的了，對吧？

What do you expect?

那些迷你裙，那些領口？

Questions that aren't really questions, but rather, judgments --

你期望發生什麼事？

judgments that end in a verdict:

這些其實不是問題，而是論斷──

she asked for it.

論斷最後會以一個裁決收場：

That finding would be verified by the fact

她自找的。

that she didn't mention having struggled to avoid being raped.

這個發現有事實可以背書，

So that means she didn't resist.

她沒有提到她有掙扎或是被強暴。

It means she consented.

那意味著她沒有抵抗。

If she asked for it and allowed it,

那意味著她同意。

how are we calling it rape?

如果是她自找的，她允許事情發生，

I call this "blaming the victim."

我們怎麼能稱之為強暴？

These arguments that serve us both to blame and to victimize,

我稱之為「怪罪受害者。」

we all have them in our heads, at hand --

「怪罪」或「受害者化」的論點，

including victims and perpetrators.

在每個人的腦中、手上都有，

So much so, that when Ana came to me,

連受害者和行兇者也都有。

she told me she didn't know

所以，當安娜來找我、告訴我，

if her testimony was going to be of any use,

她不知道她的證詞是否有用，

because she wasn't sure if what happened to her qualified as rape.

因為她不確定發生在她身上的事 是否算得上是強暴。

Ana believed, like most of us,

和我們大部份人一樣，

that rape is more like armed robbery --

安娜也相信強暴比較像武裝搶劫，

a violent act that lasts 4 or 5 minutes --

是持續四或五分鐘的暴力行為，

and not smooth talking from a nice guy

而不是一個持續一整晚 說話很柔和的好人，

that lasts all night and ends in a kidnapping.

最終以綁架收場。

When she felt afraid she might be killed,

當她覺得很害怕會被殺死時，

she was afraid to be left with scars,

她擔心會留下傷疤，

and she had to give her body to avoid it.

她得交出她的身體來避免這事發生。

That's when she knew that rape was something different.

那時，她就知道強暴是不同的。

Ana had never talked about this with anyone.

安娜從來沒有和任何人談過此事。

She could have turned to her family,

她可以向家人求助，

but she didn't.

但她沒有，

She didn't because she was afraid.

原因是她害怕。

She was afraid the person she'd choose to tell her story to

她害怕她傾訴的對象，

would have the same reaction as the rest of us:

反應會和我們其他所有人一樣，

they'd have doubts, suspicions;

會懷疑、猜疑；

those same questions we always have when it comes to things like this.

會有當聽到這類事情時

And if that had happened,

我們總是會問的那些問題。

it would have been worse, perhaps, than the rape itself.

如果真的是這樣，

She could have talked to a friend or a sister.

那只會更糟，可能比強暴本身還糟。

And with her partner, it would have been extremely difficult:

她可以和朋友或是姐妹談。

the slightest hint of doubt on his face or in his voice

若和她的另一半談會極度困難；

would have been devastating for her

只要他的臉上或聲音中 有一點點懷疑的跡象，

and would have probably meant the end of their relationship.

對她就會是很大的傷害，

Ana keeps silent because deep down she knows

也可能會讓他們的關係結束。

that nobody -- none of us, not her family or therapists,

安娜保持沉默， 因為她內心深處知道，

let alone the police or judges --

沒有人──

are willing to hear what Ana actually did in that moment.

不論是我們、她的家人、治療師、

First and foremost, Ana said, "No."

更不用說警察或法官──

When she saw that her "no" didn't help,

沒有人願意聽 當時安娜到底做了什麼。

she spoke nicely to him.

首先，也是最重要的， 安娜說了「不要」。

She tried not to exacerbate his violence

當她發現她的「不要」沒有用時，

or give him ideas.

她好好地跟他說。

She talked to him as if everything that was happening were normal,

她試著不要觸發他的暴力行為

so he wouldn't be thinking that she would turn him in later.

或是讓他想歪。

Now, I wonder and I ask all of you:

她裝作一切正常地在跟他說話，

All those things she did --

這樣他才不會認為她之後會告發他。

isn't that considered resisting?

我很納悶，我想問在座所有人：

No.

所有她做的那些事不算抵抗嗎？

For all or at least most of us, it's not,

不算。

probably because it's not "resisting" in the eyes of the law.

至少對大部份人而言，那不算，

In most countries,

因為從法律的角度來看 那不算是「抵抗」。

the laws still require that the victim prove her innocence --

大部份國家的法律

that's right: the victim needs to prove her innocence --

仍然要求受害者證明她自己無辜。

by showing marks on her body

沒錯，受害者得要證明自己無辜，

as evidence that she engaged in a vigorous and continuous fight

做法是展示身上的傷痕

with her aggressor.

當作是證據，

I can assure you, in most court cases,

證明她曾奮力持續對抗攻擊她的人。

no amount of marks is ever enough.

我向各位保證， 在大部份法庭案件中，

I listened to many women's stories.

不論多少傷痕都不足夠。

And I didn't hear any of them talking about themselves

我傾聽了許多女性的故事，

as if they had been reduced to a thing,

沒聽到任何一個在談論自己的時候，

totally subjected to the will of the other.

像是已經被降格成一樣東西，

Rather, they sounded astonished and even a little proud

完全屈服於另一方的意圖。

looking back

反之，聽起來吃驚，甚至有些自豪，

and thinking how clear-headed they had been at the time,

她們事後回想

of how much attention they paid to every detail,

當時頭腦有多清楚，

as if that would allow them to exert some control over what was happening.

有多麼注意到每個細節，

Then I realized,

彷彿這麼做就能讓她們 多少控制住發生的事情。

of course --

接著，我了解到，

what women are doing in these situations

當然

is negotiating.

在這類情況下，

They're trading sex for life.

女性是在談判協商，

They ask the aggressor to finish quickly,

用性來換性命。

so everything is over as soon as possible and at the lowest cost.

她們要求性侵者快點完事，

They subject themselves to penetration,

這樣才會快點落幕， 把成本降到最低。

because believe it or not,

她們讓自己被侵入，

penetration is what keeps them furthest

信不信由你，

from a sexual or emotional scenario.

是因為侵入最能讓她們遠離

They subject themselves to penetration,

性或是情緒的情境。

because penetration is less painful

她們讓自己被侵入，

than kisses, caresses and gentle words.

因為，相對於親吻、 愛撫或溫柔的話語，

Now, if we continue to expect

侵入是比較不痛苦的。

rape to be what it very rarely is --

如果我們繼續預期

with the rapist as a depraved lower-class man

強暴是那種實際上 不太可能發生的樣子，

and not a university student or a businessman

強暴犯是頹廢的社會低層男性，

who goes out chasing after girls on a Friday or Saturday;

而不是在星期五或星期六 外出追求女孩的

if we keep expecting the victims to be demure women

大學生或是生意人；

who faint on the scene,

如果我們持續預期受害者

and not self-confident women --

都是在現場會昏倒的嫻靜女性，

we will continue to be unable to listen.

而不是自信的女子──

Women will continue to be unable to speak.

那麼我們無法傾聽的情況將會持續。

And we will all continue to be responsible

女性無法說出來的情況將會持續。

for that silence

而我們也將持續要為她們的沉默、

and their solitude.

以及孤獨，

(Applause)

負起責任。