(Laughter)

我想跟你們介紹我媽。

I'm guessing that's not what you expected,

（笑聲）

and it's not what I expected either,

我想這不是你們所預期的，

and thank goodness I realized that an Asian man was not my mom

那也不是我所預期的，

before I hugged him,

感謝老天，在我擁抱 這個亞裔男人之前

because that would have been so awkward.

我有先發現他不是我媽，

Recognizing people isn't one of my strengths

不然應該會很尷尬。

due to a genetic visual impairment that has no correction or cure.

我不擅長認人，

As a result, I am legally blind,

原因是基因性視覺損傷， 且這是無藥可救的。

though I prefer "partially sighted" because it's more optimistic.

因此，我算是法定的盲人。

(Laughter)

不過我偏好說「有部份視力」， 因為這樣聽起來比較樂觀。

And I'm entitled to the label "disabled."

（笑聲）

I hate the word disabled when it's used to describe people.

我具有拿「殘障」標籤的資格。

It detonates a mindset of less than

我討厭聽到用「殘障」 這個詞來形容人。

that utterly disregards capacity,

它會觸發一種「較差」的心態，

ability, potential,

那種心態會完全漠視才能、

instead prioritizing brokenness

能力、潛力，

and lack.

反而把殘缺與不足

The perspective can be overt.

放在第一。

What can't he do for himself that I'm going to have to do for him?

這種觀點可能是很公開表現的，

She'll probably need some accommodation

為什麼他不能自己做， 還要我來幫他做？

that no other employee at this business needs.

她可能會需要一些這個行業

Sometimes, the hidden bias

其他員工都不需要的工作調整。

is so sweetly conveyed.

有時，隱藏的偏見

"Wow, Susan,

傳達地十分愜意且甜蜜。

look at everything you've done in your career and your life.

「哇，蘇珊，

How did you do all of that and be visually impaired?"

看看你在職涯和人生 所成就的一切，

(Laughter)

你是如何做到這些， 同時還能有視障？」

I fail at being disabled.

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

我沒有成功做到殘障。

So in the spirit of incentivizing the rampant failure

（笑聲）

of people all over the world

所以，出於獎勵遍及全世界的

and enticing the so-called normal to just give it a rest already,

人們的失敗，

here are five tips

並誘使所謂的正常人放它一馬，

to fail at being disabled.

以下是五個秘訣，

Tip one:

教你如何不要成功做到殘障。

know your superpowers.

密訣一：

The best team I ever led in my career

要知道你的超能力是什麼。

was based on superpowers,

我職涯中領導過最棒的團隊，

and we even gave ourselves fancy-pantsy titles

是以超能力為基礎的團隊，

like "the Pillar of Masterly Acumen."

我們甚至會給自己取花俏的稱號，

"The Biscuit Butterer."

比如，「大師級敏銳的棟梁」、

(Laughter)

「麵包奶油人」、

"The Voice of Reason."

（笑聲）

Because we relied on our strengths,

「理性的聲音。」

our best strengths,

因為我們仰賴我們的長處，

we achieved tremendous outcomes.

我們最強的長處，

The trait that prevents me from recognizing my mom

來達到極大的成就。

allows me to smoothly adapt,

讓我無法認出我媽的那項特質，

to quickly absorb and accurately process an exhausting volume of cues,

也是讓我能平順地適應的特質，

tease out what's important,

讓我能快速吸收、正確處理 極大量信號的特質，

determine multiple processes or potentials for any situation that I'm in,

能理清什麼是重要的，

and then select the one that makes the most sense,

對我身處的情境， 能判斷多個過程或可能性，

all in a matter of seconds.

然後選出當中最合理的，

I see what other people do not.

以上全都在幾秒鐘內完成。

Some people think that's a superpower,

我能看見他人看不見的東西。

but my real superpowers

有些人認為那就是超能力，

are ricocheting off of glass walls --

但我真正的超能力

(Laughter)

是閃過玻璃牆。

and letting my friends walk around with kale in their teeth.

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

還有一項是讓我朋友牙縫中 夾著菜還到處行走不自知。

It's true. Don't have lunch with me,

（笑聲）

or dinner.

那是真的，別跟我一起吃中餐，

Tip two: be supremely skilled,

或晚餐。

supremely skilled at getting it wrong.

密訣二：要極度熟練，

It is important to be as equally confident in your superpowers

極度熟練「弄錯」。

as you are in you FUBARs.

很重要的一點，是對你的 超能力的信心，

That's "effed up beyond all recognition"

要和對 FUBAR 的信心一樣強。

for you millennials.

FUBAR 是狗屁倒灶的簡稱，

(Laughter)

給千禧世代的朋友參考。

Here's a good example.

（笑聲）

It is not a great idea to say,

這裡有個好例子。

"Don't worry, everything in here is too small for me to see"

當不小心走到男更衣室時，

when you accidentally walk into the men's room --

這麼說可能不是一個 好主意：「別擔心，

(Laughter)

這裡的一切都太小了， 我也看不見。」

at one of the world's largest sporting arenas --

（笑聲）

(Laughter)

而且是在世界最大的體育場裡面。

or anywhere.

（笑聲）

I really wish that one wasn't true.

其他地方也一樣。

I'm serious. It is better to just walk out and let them think you're drunk.

我真希望這例子不是真實的。

(Laughter)

我是說真的，就算直接走出去， 讓他們以為你是醉了都還比較好。

Tip three: know that everyone is disabled in some way,

（笑聲）

like when you have a cold and you can't smell

秘訣三：要知道，每個人多少 在某方面都是殘障的。

and you realize that the milk that you splashed in your coffee was sour

比如你有感冒時你聞不到味道，

only after you've tasted it.

你發現你剛倒入咖啡的牛奶是酸的，

Very recently, a woman walked up to me frantic.

但你是嚐了之後才知道。

She could not find the bakery she was looking for.

最近，有個女子抓狂般地走向我，

As I motioned in the direction I thought she should go,

她找不到她要找的麵包店。

saying, "There are no stores on this side of the street

我告訴她她應該走什麼方向，

so your best bet is to cross --"

說：「在街的這一側沒有店家，

"Oh my goodness," she interrupted.

所以比較有可能是要過馬路……」

"There it is.

「噢，我的天，」她打斷我的話。

All I needed was another set of eyes."

「它就在那裡。

(Laughter)

我不過是需要另一雙眼幫我找。」

I just let her have it.

（笑聲）

I would have said that, you know,

我沒有多說什麼。

being logical and paying attention

我本來可以說，你知道的，

and staying calm would have done the trick,

理性點，多留意，

but who am I?

保持冷靜，其實就能找到了，

Tip four: point out the disability in others.

但我算哪根蔥？

This one is best reserved -- very important note --

秘訣四：指出他人的殘疾。

this one is best reserved for people you know well,

這項秘訣最好保留── 非常重要的注意事項 ──

because random strangers typically don't appreciate

這項秘訣最好保留給你很熟的人，

teachable moments.

因為隨機陌生人通常不會喜歡

A few years ago, my parents and I went to see the Rockettes,

聽說教的時刻。

Radio City's high-kicking dancers.

幾年前，我父母和我 去看 Rockettes 舞團，

I leaned over to my dad.

無線電城音樂廳中 腿能踢很高的舞者們。

"The two Rockettes on the left aren't kicking in a straight line."

我靠向我爸：

"Yes, they are."

「左側的兩個舞者沒有踢一直線。」

"No, they're not."

「有啊，他們有。」

"Yes, they are, and how do you know?

「沒有，他們沒有。」

You can't see."

「有啊，他們有。 而且，你怎麼知道？

But I know what a straight line looks like.

你又看不見。」

I had snapped a picture during our back and forth

但我知道直線看起來是什麼樣子，

and presented him the evidence that proved I was right.

在我們你來我往講話時， 我拍了一張照片，

He looked at the picture.

給他看證據，證明我是對的。

I leaned in further.

他看著照片。

"Who's disabled now?"

我又更靠近了一點。

Tip five: pursue audacious goals.

「現在誰才是殘障啊？」

Flip expectation upside down

秘訣五：追尋大膽的目標。

and shove limitation off a cliff to meet its demise.

把期望翻轉過來，

There is a college football linebacker

把限制推下懸崖讓它摔死。

who blitzes, tackles, recovers fumbles

有一名大學橄欖球後衛，

while having one hand.

他急襲、阻截、取回漏接的球，

There is a teacher who successfully transfers knowledge

但他只有一隻手。

and inspires countless students

有一個老師成功地把知識傳授、

while living with Down syndrome.

鼓舞無數的學生，

And for me,

但自己卻有唐氏症。

on my long list,

而我呢，

to cycle from Kathmandu, Nepal, to Darjeeling, India

在我很長的清單上，

on the backseat of a bicycle built for two.

從尼泊爾加德滿都 騎單車到印度大吉嶺，

It will be an exciting 620-mile adventure,

騎兩人協力車，我坐後座。

and I'm sure I will have the blurry photos to show for it.

那將會是很刺激的 620 英哩冒險，

(Laughter)

且我相信我會有些 很模糊不清的照片可以炫耀。

Oh, before we go on, I forgot to introduce you to my mom.

（笑聲）

I need to do that.

噢，在我們繼續之前， 我忘了向你們介紹我媽。

And here she is,

我得介紹一下。

as she would appear to me

這就是她，

if I were looking through a crowd of people looking for her.

如果我要在人群中找她，

Or is that an Asian man?

我眼中的她看起來就是這個樣子的。

Thank you.

還是這是個亞洲男子？

(Applause)

謝謝大家。