-Ooo, you know what? Let's try that new place on Ludlow.

-Great! They deliver right?

-No, I mean like, actually go to the restaurant.

-That's crazy! You don't want to leave?

-Yeah, why? It's beautiful out! Oh, we can get our steps in!

-I don't know, I'm comfy.

-Is there a reason you don't want to go out? -Yes. A very specific one.

-So, on the subway yesterday, I read this GQ article over someone's shoulder.

They were scrolling a little quickly, but I think I got the gist.

-How is this important?

-Hanna, this concerns the fabric of our very lives. The article states that most successful

relationships happen between people of similar attractiveness.

-So? -“So,” we are fundamentally at risk here.

-What are you talking about, Paul? -Allow me to explain.

-Ahh! That's not for yet!

Ok, and, God. I took an average of our profile picture likes, factored in comments, “love”s, “sad”s

— I was the only one with “sad”s, that hurt

but the results show that you are 1.62 points hotter than me on the 10 scale.

-What are you 12 years old? None of this matters. I think you're a 10.

-Then how do you explain this?

Ah!! Ahh! I DIDN'T EVEN DRAW THAT ONE?!!!

Anyhoo, you could see why it's statistically dangerous for us to leave the apartment.

-Ok, so what's the plan? Are we just gonna never leave? -Oh, thank God. I'm so glad that you said it.

-Paul, I was joking. This is stupid.

-What's stupid about isolating ourselves? Anything we can get out there we can get in here!

-Ok, so, um what if I want to go out and I want to go dancing?

-Easy! Alexa! Play dance music!  -Playing Dan Music.

Who's Dan?! Alexa stop! Who's Dan?!

-Dan is my dad! Stop yelling at my stuff.

-Thank God. I thought it was someone who was objectively more attractive than I am.

-Oh, hey dude! -Hey! Thanks for letting me borrow this. 

-Oh yeah! -Yeah! Later, Cory!

-Alright, later.

-What a poignant example of exactly what I'm talking about.

-What? Your math says I should be with Cory? Come on.

Maybe! But it's not about “Cory,” it's about every Cory! When I look at that piece of meat, I just see a number

— and guess what — it's way higher than mine.

-Paul, this is ridiculous. You think I'm just going out with you for your looks?

-Um, I did! But even if it's not just about looks, I mean I'm a good guy. But I'm not great.

There are way better guys, and some of those guys have abs. Fantastic abs.

-Oh my God. Paul, our relationship is so much more complex than that. It's not like I'm gonna go out and bump into

some random hot guy and dump you. Look, you make me grow in ways that I can't explain. I am gonna get

ready to go to the restaurant. I hope that you'll come with me.

-Hey, man. It's Cory. -Hi, Cory.

-You know, from earlier? -I know who you are, Cory. 

-I couldn't help but overhear your conversation with Hanna. -Okay

-Look, I just went through the same thing with a girl who was way more attractive than I was.

So don't sell yourself short. I mean look man, you got a great set of abs.

-I purchased these at a Party City.

-Oh, um. Come here. Get in here.

My man, you are rock hard.

-That's real. -Thought so.