twelve of the worst doctor cures throughout history!

12 – Bloodletting and Leeches, • Bloodletting was a common medical procedure

prior to the Nineteenth Century. It involved flushing out bad 'humors', which are black

and yellow bile, blood and phlegm. In the Middle Ages you could get this done by your

local barber or surgeon right after a haircut and some light dentistry work.

• Several bloodletting methods involved drawing blood from veins and arteries using

barbaric tools, but leeches were the most popular method. The French were particularly

mad for this; during the 1800s, they went through forty million leeches a year. They

attached them to patients' arms, legs, torso and other more sensitive areas.

• Leeches were then be tied to a silk thread, lowered down a person's throat and reeled in like

a fish. They were also applied to women's vaginas to relieve uterine disease, sexual

excitement and general 'hysteria'. British gentry had their wives leeched every two weeks.

• Sometimes leeches wound up lost inside female patients, which certainly didn't

help with the old 'hysteria'. However, doctors in these cases didn't sweat it because

they were sure the leech would 'find its way out eventually'.

11 – Mercury Poisoning, • The silvery liquid Mercury was once used

to treat everything from scraped knees to constipation. As side effects were indistinguishable

from the symptoms of syphilis, which it was commonly used to treat.

• We now know it's extremely toxic and that mercury poisoning comes with a laundry

list of symptoms. These can include chest pains, heart and lung problems, tremors, muscle

spasms and psychotic reactions like delirium, hallucinations and suicidal tendencies.

• Find a new high, kids. Mercury can kill you!

10 – Trepanation, • Trepanation is a treatment for mental

illness that began 7,000 years ago. It involved making a hole in the skull using an auger,

bore, or saw to relieve headaches, mental illness, or even demonic possession.

• With no knowledge of brain chemistry, ancient doctors believed the mentally ill

had literal demons living inside their heads, so holes were drilled into patients' skulls

to allow these spirits to escape. The horrifying thing is that anaesthetics weren't used

in a lot of these cases. • The practice still goes on today for a

small number of strange and misguided folks. These days a single small hole is sometimes

made in the skull to treat brain haemorrhaging after severe head trauma.

9 – Impotence Shock Therapy, • Impotence is one of the most embarrassing

problems a man can face … or so I hear. Throughout history, men with uncooperative

little guys have searched desperately for something that can cure their bedroom woes.

• With the late Nineteenth Century invention of electricity, men and their frustrated wives

hoped the new technology could take them straight to Boner Town. Doctors devised a range of

devices and products designed to get penises to stand to attention. These included electrified

beds and complicated 'cock-shocking' electric belts. Just the thing to set the mood!

• Other strange treatments for erectile dysfunction have included testicle implants,

radium suppositories, ingesting Spanish Flies, drinking frog juice and stimulating blood

flow with wasp stings and spider venom. 8 – Female Hysteria Treatments,

• According to Nineteenth Century doctors, female moodiness is a symptom of a very serious

medical condition called female hysteria. • Any woman who displayed symptoms like

nervousness, chattiness, unwillingness to talk, irritability, or disobedience towards

their supreme overlord Victorian husbands was ordered to have a doctor-administered

vaginal massage until their hysteria subsided. You're right – the Nineteenth Century's

idea of treatment does sound suspiciously like molestation!

• The list of symptoms for female hysteria was so long that literally any ailment could

fit its diagnosis. Doctors eventually invented the vibrator to alleviate hand strain.

7 – Pain and Rotational Therapies, • As the Treasurer of the Mint, signer of

the Declaration of Independence and author of various medical textbooks, Benjamin Rush

was America's most beloved, trusted doctor. • His biggest contribution was in the area

of psychiatry. Rush believed pain and suffering had curative powers, so patients paid him

actual money to beat, starve and verbally abuse them – all in the name of medical

science! His torturous practices also included pouring acid on their backs, cutting them

with knives and keeping wounds open for months or even years to encourage 'permanent discharge

from the brain'. • Rush also believed mental illness was

caused by poor circulation to the brain, so devised something called rotational therapy,

where patients were twirled from ropes suspended from the ceiling for hours at a time. He was

one sick creative bastard. 6 – Cocaine Cures,

• Cocaine is a symbol of Eighties excess, but it may surprise you to learn that it was

originally used medicinally. • In 1884, Austrian ophthalmologist Carl

Koller somehow discovered that placing cocaine on a patient's cornea temporarily desensitised

the eye to pain, making eye surgery less risky. • When word of his discovery spread, doctors

realised that cocaine could be used as an anaesthetic for all kinds of procedures. Sceptics

were initially concerned about the drug's addictiveness, but doctors scoffed, claiming

it was no more addictive than tea or coffee. • By 1900, Americans could walk into any

pharmacy and purchase a gram of pure cocaine for twenty-five cents. The drug was mixed

into everything from wines to soft drinks to cigars. Companies offered hypodermic needles

kits so patients could inject themselves from the comfort of their own homes.

• Cocaine was additionally prescribed for haemorrhoids, indigestion, appetite suppression,

fatigue, shyness and toothaches. Even kids got in on the craze until, by 1902, upwards

of 200,000 Americans were addicted. The addiction became an epidemic, and states and local governments

were forced to intervene. Good times. 5 – Urine Therapy,

• Forget rest, nutrition and exercise; an alarming number of cultures and people throughout

history believed wallowing in urine was the key to good health.

drank, applied to the skin or used to give a nice … bracing … urine enema. I wonder

• The sad part is that even though all of these purported benefits have been disproved

urine therapy is still practised today. Even peeing on a jellyfish sting has no scientific

by accident when a Viennese doctor named Manfred Sakel accidentally overdosed a patient on

insulin overdose in 1927. The patient, who was a morphine addict, fell into a deep coma

patient and found similar results. He was soon inducing insulin comas to schizophrenics

and other patients. Some claimed to be cured of their afflictions, but that was probably

and was finally phased out in the 1960s. Sakel wouldn't have been happy. I mean, if you

3 – Hot Iron Treatment for Haemorrhoids, • In the Middle Ages, it was not uncommon

Century, an Irish monk named Saint Fiacre became the patron saint for haemorrhoid sufferers.

accidentally sitting on a pointy stone. The stone is still around today and haemorrhoid

physicians conceived the idea their white-hot cautery irons to treat the problem. Pulling

• Eventually a Twelfth Century Jewish physician named Moses Maimonides wrote about his disapproval

of the surgery and instead recommended the sitz bath, which is still the most common

treatment for haemorrhoids today. 2 – Extreme Hot and Cold Therapies,

• For centuries, heat has been used to cure mental diseases. In fever therapy, fevers

were induced by hot baths, electric heaters, and even deliberate infection with malaria.

Before penicillin, it was the most effective way to treat syphilis, but patients had to

be closely monitored as it came with a pretty high risk of death.

• Extreme cold therapy was the inverse therapy and was just as dangerous. Patients receiving

this treatment were sometimes refrigerated three days at a time at temperatures as low

as 20° F below a normal, healthy body temperature. • Hydrotherapy was another risky treatment

that bears little resemblance to today's relaxing equivalent. Common in the early Twentieth

Century, hydrotherapy patients usually suffered mental disorders and wrapped like mummies

in towels that'd been soaked in icy water. Other times they were strapped with restraints

in a cold tub for days at a time or sprayed with high-pressure water jets – sometimes

while bound in a crucifix position. 1 – Lobotomy,

• Finally, we have everybody's favourite mental illness cure, the lobotomy. The lobotomy

was developed by Portuguese neurosurgeon Egas Moniz, who was inspired by tales of a violent

monkey that had become docile following the removal of its frontal lobe.

• He theorised the frontal lobe was the source for mental illness, so cut it out of

his human patients. The surgeries were a success – relatively speaking – and lobotomies

became widespread. Moniz even received the Nobel Prize for his efforts in 1949.

• In the US, Dr Walter Freeman made a lucrative business out of driving around the country

in his 'lobotomobile', providing on-the-spot lobotomies to anyone who wanted them. Sometimes

this was schizophrenics, other times bored housewives.

• Dr Freeman's barbaric technique involved inserting an ice pick into the eye socket

and swirling it around to 'disable' the frontal lobe. Because his surgical technique

was dangerously imprecise and his equipment was unsterile, Freeman was basically a drive-by