MARIO: I want to go out to eat today!

FAFA: I'm not going to a restaurant with you, Mario.

MARIO: Oh, please!

FAFA: NO! Last time, you threw a chicken, you didn't tip,

and you let that 2-year-old kid run all over the place screaming!

Where'd you get that kid, anyway?

MARIO: Shall we discuss that over a blooming onion?

FAFA: No! Mario, you don't know ANYTHING about restaurant etiquette.

MARIO: Etiquette? What is that, French food? That sounds delicious; let's try one!

FAFA: Going out to eat at a restaurant can be a lot of fun!

You don't have to cook, you don't have to clean up, and you get to try food that you can't make yourself!

MARIO: Fafa! I don't think we have the right ingredients for gumbo!

FAFA: But eating out is a social experience! This means you'll be interacting with other people!

MARIO: When I eat, I like to take off my shirt and my shoes,

and put my plate on my stomach, and watch television!

FAFA: Yeah, then you should probably stay home.

FAFA: There are 3 main kinds of people at the restaurant. MARIO: Besides me?

FAFA: Yes, besides you. The waiter...

MARIO: That's the person that takes your order!

Waiter Gorilla: Meh.

FAFA: ...the cook... MARIO: That's the person that makes your food!

FAFA: And other customers. MARIO: Those are the annoying people at the other tables,

who talk too loud, and order the last plate of the special you wanted!

FAFA: No, stop it! This is the problem!

You need to be nice to all 3 of those kinds of people that have good restaurant etiquette!

MARIO: I don't think I know how to do that.

FAFA: It's easy! Remember those 3 groups of people?

MARIO: No.

FAFA: Don't yell at any of them.

MARIO: HEY BUTLER, BRING ME MY FOOD!

FAFA: Don't throw things at any of them.

MARIO: Bombs away! Meh!

(splat)

Chef Gorilla: MEH!

FAFA: ...and don't take food from any of them.

MARIO: I can't take food from the waiter?!

FAFA: Yeah, you can take food from him.

MARIO: I'm never going to remember what to do when!

FAFA: Then let's break down the restaurant experience.

Being seated is easy! You just have to remember 2 things.

If a host shows you to your table, do not go and sit at a table on the other side of the room.

If you do seat yourself, do not sit at a chair that has another customer in it.

Gorilla: Meh!

FAFA: Ordering your food is where many people make restaurant etiquette mistakes.

The waiter is waiting on lots of people at the same time, so you shouldn't do this:

MARIO: HEY! I WANT A CHEESEBURGER! AND I WANT IT MEDIUM RARE, BUDDY!

FAFA: Or this:

MARIO: I don't care this is an Italian restaurant! I want burrito!

FAFA: Or this.

MARIO: Oh, and dressing on the side, and sub bread for beef,

then sub beef for pizza, and instead of cheese on that pizza,

I want chicken wings on that pizza. Now read those notes back and make sure you got it right, buddy.

FAFA: Or, the nice people at the restaurant might do this.

Waiter Gorilla: Meh-meh muh. Muh-meh-meh. Mm-meh.

Chef Gorilla: Meh-muh?!

(hacks and spits)

(Waiter Gorilla laughs)

MARIO: Oooh, this is my favourite part! I know how to do this.

FAFA: You do, do ya? Remember why we got banned from the IHOP?

MARIO: Oh! Fafa! Please help me with my etiquette! I want Rooty Tooty Fresh 'N' Fruity! Oh!

FAFA: If there's silverware on the table, do not eat your food with your hands.

MARIO: Even pizza? FAFA: Nah, you can eat pizza with your hands.

MARIO: How about gumbo? FAFA: No. Eat the food that's on your plate.

Do not eat the food of the people at the table next to you.

MARIO: Ahh! (chomp)

Gorilla: Mm? Hm!!

If you have to go to the bathroom during your meal, do not take your plate of food in with you.

(toilet flushes)

MARIO: OH NO! OH NO! There goes my soufflé.

FAFA: This is the easiest part. Just pay, and leave. But you have to do both.

You can't leave and not pay, and you can't pay and not leave.

Or eventually, the nice restaurant will call the police and you will go to jail.

MARIO: And that's it. FAFA: And you should tip your waiter.

MARIO: Dangit! I thought you were going to forget that part!

FAFA: It's that easy! Follow those tips for good restaurant etiquette,

and you can eat out with the peace of mind that the restaurant won't send you to jail.

MARIO: I'm not chancing it. I have beaten the system! I am having burritos DELIVERED!

FAFA: Mario, would you put your shirt and shoes back on please?

You know you have to have good etiquette with the delivery guy too, right?

MARIO: You mean I have to pay, tip, and be nice to him, and then HE LEAVES?!

FAFA: Yeah! Mario: What are we, the Kennedys, all of the sudden?!

(Doorbell rings repeatedly)

FAFA: WOULD YOU PUT YOUR SHIRT ON AND ANSWER THE DOOR PLEASE?!

MARIO: You put a shirt on.

(Crew laughing)

Gorilla: Meh-meh! Meh-meh! Meh-meh! Mm! Meh! Meh-meh! Mm. Meh.