to the point where it's part of my personal and professional identity

大家都告訴我說，我人很好……

that I'm so nice and able to get along with anyone,

好像這已經是我個人 及職業身分的一部分，

even my most fierce opponents.

我人很好，好到能和任何人相處，

It's like my "thing," it's what I'm known for.

甚至是我最可怕的對手。

(Laughter)

這就像是我的「特長」， 我以這點而聞名。

But what no one knows ...

（笑聲）

is that I was a bully.

但沒有人知道……

Honestly, I didn't think about it much myself.

我曾是個惡霸。

I buried the memories for years,

老實說，我自己不太去想這事。

and even still, a lot of it's really hazy.

我把這段記憶埋藏很多年了，

Denial, by the way, apparently is also one of my things.

但很多部分真的很模糊。

(Laughter)

順道一提，很顯然， 否認也是我的特長之一。

But the more people started to praise me

（笑聲）

for being a liberal who could get along with conservatives,

但越多人開始讚美我，

and the more I wrote articles about being nice

說我是能與保守派相處的自由派，

and gave talks about being nice,

且我越去寫關於要對人好的文章，

the more I felt this hypocrisy creeping up inside me.

演說關於要對人好的題材，

What if I was actually really mean?

我卻越覺得我內在 有種偽善在慢慢增長。

When I was 10 years old,

如果我其實很卑鄙怎麼辦？

there was a girl in my class at school named Vicky.

當我十歲時，

(Sigh)

在學校，我班上有一個女孩叫維琪。

And I tormented her ...

（嘆氣）

mercilessly.

我會捉弄她……

I mean, everyone did.

很無情地捉弄。

Even the teachers picked on her.

人人都如此。

It doesn't make it any better, does it?

甚至老師們也找她的碴。

Vicky was clearly a troubled kid.

但這樣也不會 讓此事聼起來比較好吧？

She would hit herself and give herself bloody noses

很顯然維琪是個問題兒童。

and she had hygiene problems --

她會打自己，打到流鼻血，

she had big hygiene problems.

她還有衛生問題——

But instead of helping this girl,

她有很大的衛生問題。

who was plainly suffering from hardships in her life ...

但我們沒有去幫助這個女孩，

we called her "Sticky Vicky."

很顯然她的人生是十分艱苦的……

I called her "Sticky Vicky."

我們反而叫她「黏黏維琪」。

My clearest memory is standing in the empty hallway

我叫她「黏黏維琪」。

outside the fifth grade classrooms

我最清楚的記憶是 站在空無一人的走廊，

waiting for Vicky to come out of the bathroom,

在五年級教室的外面，

and I have a clipboard and a pen and a survey I've made up,

等維琪從廁所出來，

asking about shampoo preferences,

我拿著寫字夾板、筆，

like I'm doing a study for science class or something.

和我編造的一項洗髮精偏好調查表，

And when Vicky comes out of the bathroom,

好像我在做科學課的研究之類的事。

I pounce on her and I ask her what shampoo she uses.

當維琪從廁所出來時，

Now, to put this in perspective,

我立馬抓住她，問她用什麼洗髮精。

I can't remember the names of my teachers,

綜觀這件事情，

I can't remember the names of any of the books I read that year,

我記不得我老師的名字了，

I pretty much can't remember anything from fifth grade,

我記不得我那年讀過的書 書名是什麼，

but I remember that Vicky told me she used White Rain shampoo.

我幾乎記不得五年級的任何事，

Clear as yesterday,

但我記得維琪告訴我， 她用白雨 (White Rain) 洗髮精。

like it just happened.

記憶猶新，

And as classes let out,

好像剛發生一樣。

I ran down the hall shouting at all the other kids,

當大家開始出教室時，

"Sticky Vicky uses White Rain shampoo.

我跑到走廊，對所有其他孩子大叫：

Don't use White Rain shampoo

「黏黏維琪用白雨洗髮精。

or you'll smell like Sticky Vicky."

別用白雨洗髮精，

I forgot about this memory for a long time.

不然你聞起來就會 像黏黏維琪一樣。」

When I finally started remembering it,

有好長一段時間，我忘了這段記憶。

I immediately needed to know more.

當我終於開始憶起時，

I reached out to friends and eventually social media,

我馬上就需要知道更多。

and I did everything I could to try to find Vicky.

我試圖聯繫朋友， 最終甚至嘗試社交媒體，

I needed to know that she was OK,

我盡一切可能試著找到維琪。

and that I hadn't ruined her life.

我需要知道她過得不錯，

(Sigh)

知道我沒有毀了她的人生。

But what I quickly realized

（嘆氣）

was I wasn't just trying to figure out what happened to Vicky.

但我很快就發現，

I was trying to figure out what happened to me.

我不是在試著找出 維琪發生了什麼事。

When I was 10 years old,

我是在試著找出我發生了什麼事。

I treated another human being like some worthless other ...

當我十歲時，

like I was better than her,

我對待另一個人類的方式 就像她是某種沒價值的人……

and she was garbage.

彷彿我比她好，

What kind of a nice person does that?

而她是垃圾。

I mean, I know I was only a kid,

哪種好人會做出這種事？

but not all kids do that.

我知道我那時還小，

Most kids don't do that, right?

但並非所有孩子都會那樣做。

So, what if I wasn't nice after all?

多數孩子不會那樣做吧？

I was really just a hateful monster.

如果我根本不是好人，怎麼辦？

Then I started to notice myself having these mean impulses,

我其實只是可憎的禽獸。

thinking mean thoughts

我開始注意到我會有些卑鄙的衝動，

and wanting to say them.

有卑鄙的想法，

Admittedly, most of my mean thoughts were about conservatives.

想要把它們說出來。

(Laughter)

無可否認，我大部分 卑鄙的想法都和保守派有關。

But not just conservatives.

（笑聲）

I also caught myself thinking mean things about mushy, centrist liberals

但不只是保守派。

and greedy Wall Street bankers

我也逮到我自己 對其他人有卑鄙的念頭，

and Islamophobes

像走中間路線的含糊自由派、

and slow drivers,

貪婪的華爾街銀行家、

because I really hate slow drivers.

恐伊斯蘭教者，

(Laughter)

以及開車很慢的駕駛，

And as I'd catch myself in these moments of hypocrisy,

因為我真的很討厭開車很慢的駕駛。

either I was just noticing them or they were getting worse,

（笑聲）

especially in the last few years.

當我發現自己身處在 這些偽善時刻中，

And as I felt more hateful --

可能是我剛注意到它們， 或它們正在惡化，

rageful, really --

在過去幾年特別常見。

I noticed the world around me seemed to be getting more hateful, too.

當我感到更充滿憎恨——

Like there was this steady undercurrent of hate

其實是充滿怒火——

bubbling up all around us

我注意到我周遭的世界 似乎也變得更充滿憎恨。

and increasingly overflowing.

好像有一條穩定的仇恨暗流，

So the plus side, I guess,

在我們四周開始冒泡，

is that I realized that hate was not just my problem,

並漸漸開始溢出。

which is like, the most selfish plus side ever --

所以，好的一面，我想是吧，

(Laughter)

就是我了解到，仇恨不只是我的問題，

because now instead of just my own hate and cruelty to try to figure out,

這是有史以來最自私的 「好的一面」——

I had a whole world of hate I wanted to unravel

（笑聲）

and understand and fix.

因為現在我不是只要想通 我自己的仇恨和殘酷是怎麼回事，

So I did what all overly intellectual people do when they have a problem

我要去搞清楚整個世界的仇恨，

that they want to understand,

去了解它，並修復它。

and I wrote a book.

所以，我的做法就是極聰明的人 在遇到他們想要了解的問題時

(Laughter)

會採用的做法，

I wrote a book about hate.

我寫了一本書。

Spoiler alert:

（笑聲）

I'm against it.

我寫了一本關於仇恨的書。

(Laughter)

以下有雷：

Now at this point, you might be thinking to yourself,

我反對它。

"Why are y'all worried about hate?

（笑聲）

You didn't hate Vicky.

此時，你們心中可能在想，

Bullying isn't hate."

「為何要擔心仇恨啊？

Isn't it?

你又不恨維琪。

Gordon Allport,

霸凌並不是仇恨。」

the psychologist who pioneered the study of hate in the early 1900s,

不是嗎？

developed what he called a "scale of prejudice."

高爾頓奧爾波特，

At one end are things like genocide and other bias-motivated violence.

他是心理學家，在九〇年代早期 是仇恨研究的先鋒，

But at the other end

他發展出了他所謂的「偏見量表」。

are things like believing that your in-group

量表的一端是像大屠殺 以及其他偏見引起的暴力。

is inherently superior to some out-group,

但在另一端，

or avoiding social interaction with those others.

則是相信你的內團體

Isn't that all hate?

本來就比一些外團體更優越，

I mean, it wasn't an accident

或是避免和那些外人做社交互動。

that I was a rich kid picking on a poor kid,

那不都是仇恨嗎？

or that Vicky, it turns out, would eventually end up being gay.

以下這些都不是意外：

Poor kids and gay kids are more likely to be bullied,

我是個有錢的孩子， 去找窮孩子的麻煩，

even by kids who also end up being gay.

或結果發現維琪是同性戀。

I know there was a lot going on in my little 10-year-old mind.

窮孩子和同性戀孩子 都比較有可能被霸凌，

I'm not saying hate was the only reason I picked on Vicky

甚至連其他同性戀孩子 也會霸凌他們。

or even that I was consciously hateful or anything,

我知道我十歲時 腦袋裡會想很多東西。

but the fact is,

我並不是說仇恨是我會去 找維琪麻煩的唯一理由，

the people we discriminate against in our public policies and in our culture

或甚至我是有意識地在憎恨之類的，

are also the groups of people most likely to be bullied in school.

但事實是，

That is not just a coincidence.

我們在公共政策和文化中 所歧視的對象，

That's hate.

也是在學校中 最有可能被霸凌的族群。

I am defining hate in a broad way

那不是巧合。

because I think we have a big problem.

那是仇恨。

And we need to solve all of it, not just the most extremes.

我用廣義的方式來定義仇恨，

So for instance,

因為我認為我們有個很大的問題。

we probably all agree that marching down the street,

我們得要把它完全解決， 不能只解決極端的部分。

chanting about you should take away rights from some group of people

所以，比如，

because of their skin color or their gender,

我們可能都認同，在街上遊行，

we'd all agree that's hate, right? OK.

反覆喊著應該要奪走 某些族群的權利，

What if you believe that group of people is inferior,

只因為他們的膚色或性別，

but you don't say it?

我們都認同這就是仇恨，對吧？

Is that hate?

如果你相信那個族群是低等的，

Or what if you believe that group of people is inferior

但卻不說出來呢？

but you aren't aware that you believe it --

那是仇恨嗎？

what's known as implicit bias.

或者，你相信那個族群是低等的，

Is that hate?

但你沒意識到你相信這件事呢——

I mean they all have the same roots, don't they?

這就是潛在性偏見。

In the historic patterns of racism and sexism

那是仇恨嗎？

that have shaped our history and still infect our society today.

它們都有同樣的根源，對吧？

Isn't it all hate?

種族主義和性別主義的歷史模式

I'm not saying they're the same thing,

形成了我們的歷史， 至今仍會影響我們的社會。

just like I am not saying

那不都是仇恨嗎？

that being a bully is as bad as being a Nazi,

我並不是說它們是一樣的，

just like I'm not saying that being a Nazi is the same thing as punching a Nazi ...

就如同我並不是說

(Laughter)

身為霸凌者和身為納粹一樣糟糕，

But hating a Nazi is still hate, right?

就如同我並不是說身為納粹 和毆打納粹是一樣的......

What about hating someone who isn't as enlightened as you?

（笑聲）

See, what I learned

但，仇恨納粹也仍然是仇恨，對吧？

is that we all are against hate

那麼，仇恨不像你 那麼有知識的人呢？

and we all think hate is a problem.

我所學到的是，

We think it's their problem,

我們都反對仇恨，

not our problem.

我們都認為仇恨是個問題。

They're hateful.

我們認為那是他們的問題，

I mean, if I think the people who didn't vote like me

不是我們的問題。

are stupid racist monsters who don't deserve to call themselves Americans,

他們充滿仇恨。

alright, fine, I'm not being nice,

如果我認為投票跟我投不一樣的人

I get it.

就是愚蠢的種族主義禽獸， 不值得被稱為美國人，

(Laughter)

好啦，我並沒有對人很好，

I'm not hateful, I'm just right, right?

我知道。

(Laughter)

（笑聲）

Wrong.

我並不是充滿憎恨， 我只是對的，對嗎？

We all hate.

（笑聲）

And I do not mean that in some abstract, generic sense.

錯。

I mean all of us ...

我們都會仇恨。

me and you.

我並不是指在某種抽象、 一般性的意義上。

That sanctimonious pedestal of superiority on which we all place ourselves,

我指的就是我們所有人……

that they are hateful and we are not,

我和你們。

is a manifestation of the essential root of hate:

我們把自己放在虛假的 聖潔優越地位上，

that we are fundamentally good and they are not,

我們都覺得別人充滿 憎恨，而我們沒有，

which is what needs to change.

那就是仇恨基本根源的 一種表現形式：

So in trying to understand and solve hate,

根本上，我們是好的，他們不是，

I read every book and every research study I could find,

這點是需要改變的。

but I also went and talked to some former Nazis

為了試圖了解和解決仇恨，

and some former terrorists

所有我能找到的書籍 和學術研究我都讀過了，

and some former genocidal killers,

我還去和一些前納粹、

because I figured if they could figure out how to escape hate,

前恐怖分子，

surely the rest of us could.

以及前種族大屠殺兇手談過，

Let me give you just one example of the former terrorist I spent time with

因為我認為，如果他們 能想出要如何脫離仇恨，

in the West Bank.

我們其他人一定也可以。

When Bassam Aramin was 16 years old,

讓我舉個前恐怖分子的例子，

he tried to blow up an Israeli military convoy with a grenade.

我到約旦河西岸地區 花了些時間和他相處。

He failed, fortunately,

巴薩姆阿拉米十六歲的時候，

but he was still sentenced to seven years in prison.

試圖用一顆手榴彈炸死 以色列的軍事護送部隊。

When he was in prison, they showed a film about the Holocaust.

幸運的是，他失敗了，

Up until that point,

但他仍然被判刑七年徒刑。

Bassam had thought the Holocaust was mostly a myth.

他在監獄中時，他們放了部 猶太人大屠殺的影片。

He went to go watch the film

在那之前，

because he thought he would enjoy seeing Jews get killed.

巴薩姆一直都以為 大屠殺大部分是虛構的。

But when he saw what really happened, he broke down crying.

他去看了那部影片，

And eventually, after prison,

因為他以為他會 享受看猶太人被殺。

Bassam went on to get a master's degree in Holocaust studies

但當他看到真正發生的 狀況時，他崩潰大哭。

and he founded an organization where former Palestinian combatants

最終，服完刑之後，

and Israeli combatants come together,

巴薩姆取得了 大屠殺研究的碩士學位，

work together, try to find common ground.

他找到了一個組織， 在那裡，前巴勒斯坦戰士

By his own account, Bassam used to hate Israelis,

以及以色列戰士能一起相處，

but through knowing Israelis and learning their stories

一起努力，試著找到共通點。

and working together for peace,

因為自身利益，巴薩姆 以前很仇視以色列人，

he overcame his hate.

但透過了解以色列人 和了解他們的故事，

Bassam says he still doesn't hate Israelis,

一起努力尋求和平，

even after the Israeli military --

他克服了他的仇恨。

shot and killed his [10]-year-old daughter, Abir,

巴薩姆說，他仍然不會恨以色列人，

while she was walking to school.

即使以色列軍隊

(Sigh)

射殺了他的十歲女兒艾碧兒，

Bassam even forgave the soldier who killed his daughter.

當時她正步行去上學。

That soldier, he taught me,

（嘆氣）

was just a product of the same hateful system as he was.

巴薩姆甚至原諒了 殺害他女兒的士兵。

If a former terrorist ...

他告訴我，那個士兵

if a terrorist can learn to stop hating

和他一樣只是同樣 仇恨體制之下的產物。

and still not hate when their child is killed,

如果一位前恐怖分子……

surely the rest of us can stop our habits

如果一位恐怖分子能學會停止仇恨，

of demeaning and dehumanizing each other.

且在孩子被殺害之後還能不去仇恨，

And I will tell you there are stories like Bassam's all over the world,

我們其他人當然也能夠 停止我們去貶低彼此、

plus study after study after study

不把彼此當人看待的習性。

that says, no, we are neither designed nor destined as human beings to hate,

我可以告訴各位，世界各地 都有巴薩姆這樣的故事，

but rather taught to hate by the world around us.

還有一篇又一篇又一篇的研究

I promise you,

指出我們並不是先天就會仇恨， 或注定要仇恨的人類，

none of us pops out of the womb hating black people or Republicans.

我們是被周遭世界教導要去仇恨的。

There is nothing in our DNA that makes us hate Muslims or Mexicans.

我向各位保證，

For better or for worse,

沒有人一出了子宮 就仇恨黑人或共和黨的。

we are all a product of the culture around us.

我們的 DNA 中沒有任何對 穆斯林或墨西哥人的仇恨。

And the good news is,

不論如何，

we're also the ones who shape that culture,

我們都是我們周遭文化下的產物。

which means we can change it.

好消息是，

The first step is starting to recognize the hate inside ourselves.

我們也是形塑文化的人，

We need to catch ourselves

這就表示我們能改變它。

and our hateful thoughts in all their forms

第一步，是要開始承認 我們自己內在的仇恨。

in all of us ...

我們得要能逮住我們自己