What up, everyone. It's your girl Superwoman, and it's a regular day, alright.

So you're having that relationship talk with one of your friends.

Honestly, I can't even imagine being in a relationship right now.

Totally.

It's like I'm too independent, you know?

For sure!

Also, I don't need to seek validation from someone else's love.

You don't need no validation.

I'm just too, like, woke as a person, you know?

Like I'm drinking a kale smoothie right now.

This is gluten-free, cruelty-free, a recyclable cup.

This company, they employ abandoned puppies, yeah.

So I can't do all of this plus be in a relationship, it's too much work.

And then she hits you with:

I heard Kenny has a crush on you.

What?

Yeah, Kenny told me he has a crush on you.

Kenny has a crush on you.

Kenny has a crush on you.

Kenny has a crush on you.

Kenny has a crush on you.

Kenny has a crush on you.

- Hurry the hell up. - Someone has a crush on me.

Ho, call me a parking ticket 'cause I just got validated.

When you find out someone has a crush on you, on the outside, you might act like you're un-phased but on the inside, you're like, "Yo, I'm the most bomb person on the planet."

And for some reason it makes you wanna be even hotter.

Like let me put in a little bit of extra effort and see who else I can snatch on these streets.

Yeah, let me catch these crushes like Pokemon.

Just absolutely feeling myself.

Feeling myself all on the 'gram.

Feeling myself while staying hydrated.

Feeling myself in my bed.

Lilly?

Get out, I'm busy!

And all of this leads to phase one of someone having a crush on you: the lead on.

Now I hate to say it, when someone has a crush on you—shut-up, shut-up. You're gonna deny this. Shut you face!

When someone has a crush on you, whether you like them back or not, you are going to lead them on.

Why? Because it's human nature.

Why for real? 'Cause it makes you feel powerful.

You go hit them with the mild interactions like, yo, I'ma drop this pencil in front of you, I'ma bend over, I'ma allow you to look at this booty, okay.

Consider it a charitable donation.

Wait, don't charities only take non-damaged goods?

Shut the eff up, zoomed in Lilly.

It's like reverse flirting like, "You have a crush on me, okay, cool, yeah. Let me talk to you here and there, you know, make your day."

Um, hey, I'm totally lost, can you help me?

But I wasn't lost, I just enjoy the power of making someone nervous.

Uh, it's a factorial so you just, multiply each one by n.

(Wrong.) Is that summation?

Yeah,uh, they're the same thing.

Wrong, he was so wrong.

Maybe he only had skills in picking beautiful crushes.

This leads to phase two: delusions.

When someone has a crush on you, you start to read into everything they do and you conclude like, "Yo, this person's life revolves around me, psh, obviously."

And you throw them a pity party every opportunity you have because, damn, it must be so hard to have a crush on someone as fine as you.

Aww, look at him over there just crushing on me so hard.

He's literally just drinking juice.

Duh, the juice is a metaphor for how he's bottling up his emotions for me.

I think he might just be thirsty.

Exactly, he's so thirsty, he's practically shaking.

He's just shaking his juice.

You know, when he talks to me, he chokes.

(coughs)

Oh my god, I think he's actually choking.

(coughs)

He literally dies over me.

(coughs)

I think Kenny just died.

It's like watching an episode of South Park over and over again.

Poor Kenny, he used to have a crush on me.

Are you okay?

Now for this, one of two things are gonna happen alright?

Number one: You like the person back and ya'll go and get jiggy with it.

Number two: You don't.

And when you don't, it's just another regular day except the idea of romance has been infiltrated into your mind,

so you're having a conversation with your friend like:

I can honestly imagine myself in a relationship these days.

Totally.

You know, it's nice to depend on people sometimes.

For sure.

I even stopped recycling and eating healthy because I'm like, what's the point, people crush on me either way.

I think I'm just like, naturally quirky and attractive.

And then she hits you with: I heard Kenny doesn't like you anymore.

What?

Yeah, Kenny he likes Tricia now, he told me.

Thus entering phase three: the break up.

Yo, straight up, breaking up with someone you're not in a relationship with is the worst.

How dare you not be dating me, and be cheating on me.

Whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, whoa, listen, hey, hey, hey.

What's all this with you not liking me anymore.

Hey, well, I thought you weren't into me.

So that's it, what you're not gonna like fight for me?

Fight who?

Anyone, honestly is chivalry dead?

I'm sorry, I like Tricia now.

No, no, you don't. Listen, focus, okay, I am your crush.

But you said you didn't like me.

That's irrelevant.

Listen, you're supposed to have a crush on me for a really long time.

Why? because it makes me feel good.

God, you know nothing about girls.

Okay, fine, I like you?

Damn straight you like me.

Now pull yourself together, God, you're practically drooling over me.

He has a crush on me.

What?

And all of this is my cheeky way of saying that I have a huge crush.

Ah, sike, go to the end card.

Yo, my lipstick matches my shirt okay?

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One love, Superwoman.

That is a wrap and zoop!