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  • Hey, Conan O'Brien here with another clueless gamer.

  • Today I'm playing the new God of War game

  • for the PlayStation 4.

  • This is a testosterone-fueled fantasy,

  • so who better to join me than the ultimate he-man,

  • Mr. Bill Hader, Bill.

  • (audience cheering)

  • Good to be here, man. Come on,

  • can't you fake it a little bit?

  • I can't.

  • Hello, sir.

  • Let's talk about the new show, Barry, congratulations.

  • Thank you. People love the show.

  • Thank you.

  • This has gotta be, and it's a new thing for you,

  • you're a man who murders, you still get to be funny,

  • it's everything.

  • Yes, yeah, it's not my life, but you know.

  • Well it's based on your life.

  • A little bit. You murdered some.

  • You tell someone something in confidence,

  • and they just don't, alright.

  • We should get my friend in here who always tells me

  • what to do in here, Aaron Blair, Aaron, come on in here.

  • Jesus. He's way too,

  • isn't he too energetic? yeah, I don't like that.

  • Sorry. Settle down.

  • Yeah, relax.

  • You know, this is a fun game, I'm really excited.

  • You play Kratos, the ghost of Sparta.

  • You basically are a servant of Ares,

  • who's the previous god of war and you're tricked by Ares

  • into killing your wife and your daughter.

  • Why don't we just start smashing and killing?

  • Yeah I just wanna kill somebody.

  • Can I just say what happens when this game starts?

  • Is that okay? Oh brother.

  • Alright, go ahead. Well when this game starts.

  • This is the only thing he lives for.

  • (laughs) Let him have it.

  • Please tell us about this game.

  • Number eight in the seven installments.

  • Number eight in the installment of the.

  • (laughs)

  • Get him, get him. Where's your juice box,

  • where's your trapper keeper, what am I,

  • in the seventh grade? I love that you and I

  • finally get to bully somebody.

  • You've remarried at this point, you have a son

  • named Atreus, okay? Something for the ladies,

  • nice romantic story. Yes, but your wife has died.

  • Hilarious.

  • So when this game starts, right before we're gonna start,

  • you've lit your wife's funeral pyre

  • and you're gonna take her ashes to the highest peak.

  • So we're gonna hunt with our son,

  • we're gonna teach him how to hunt.

  • You know, if you just walked in,

  • you'd think this man was chasing a boy.

  • I know, with an axe.

  • Yeah, that's the part, that's my son.

  • Sir, sir! Sir?

  • Leave the boy alone! Sir!

  • You're not allowed in here, sir!

  • Is that your mother? Oh that's not your mother.

  • Your mother's dead. Remember when your mother died

  • and we burned her? (laughs)

  • The therapist said I probably shouldn't have

  • let you watch it, but I think kids need to grow up fast.

  • Son, why don't you try jumping first?

  • You know what I love?

  • This is recreating the awkward silences I've had

  • with my father. (laughs)

  • Look at that.

  • So... how about them Red Sox?

  • No!

  • Kill it, son!

  • This is like Donald Trump Jr. on a hunting trip.

  • It's precious and rare and it's caused us no harm.

  • I want to wear it. (laughs)

  • So press right on the D pad.

  • You're the D pad. Okay.

  • You're acting like a real D pad right now, bro.

  • There's the Tron elk!

  • Bad Conan, bad bad Conan!

  • (laughs)

  • That's exactly what I was like!

  • (shouts)

  • Oh, okay.

  • Sir, sir, we're looking for the elk!

  • Take that! Oh, he was made of pumpkin.

  • Why are they so easy to kill?

  • Son, you didn't see that.

  • If you miss this, I'm going to be furious.

  • We can use its antlers to open a night club.

  • (laughs)

  • Oh, what the heck? Why?

  • Who made this video game?

  • There you go, dummy.

  • (screaming)

  • Yeah, son!

  • Whoa, alright.

  • I told you not to kill that deer, son.

  • (laughs)

  • Dad, you're embarrassing me!

  • I stab your taint!

  • Ow.

  • I just wanted directions.

  • (intense music)

  • Alright, well.

  • Oh, god.

  • Yeah, yeah, you're probably (bleeped) up now, son.

  • So now let's have a light lunch.

  • What do you guys think of the game so far?

  • There's more talking than I thought there would be.

  • Yeah, I don't really care about the relationship

  • between the dad and the son.

  • I've got a son in real life and I'm checking out

  • of that relationship. And I don't think anybody's

  • playing a video game and going, you know what,

  • this video game has really taught me

  • that I need to have a better relationship with my son.

  • Alright, what's next there?

  • This is your house, this is your home.

  • Son, I'll knock, you decent? Alright.

  • Son, there'll come a time when you masturbate

  • and I won't just walk into the cabin,

  • I'll make noises first.

  • Let's do thumb war.

  • (shouting)

  • Now eat your mother's ashes!

  • Eat her ashes! Eat her ashes!

  • Grow a pair!

  • Hello, I'm coming!

  • Remember when we were in that band together?

  • Yeah, weren't you a bass player in the Deaf Johns?

  • Hey you wanna go bug some people down in Venice?

  • Hey man, listen. You don't get it, man.

  • Manson had a plan, man.

  • Look, I just got fired from Amoeba, alright?

  • For not wearing my shirt to work.

  • Look, I did your tattoos for you for free.

  • Ow, ow, ow! Ow!

  • I haven't done any of this, by the way.

  • No, just so you at home know,

  • we haven't touched the controller for 45 minutes.

  • I don't like you anymore.

  • No, no no no, no no no, okay, dude dude dude dude dude,

  • I know I was being a dick, I know I was being a dick, bro.

  • Okay, okay, okay, you don't have to pay me for the tattoos.

  • You don't have pay for the tattoos, it's fine.

  • (shouts)

  • Okay, so now we're gonna skip ahead.

  • Thank god.

  • So basically, there's this woman, the witch of the woods.

  • Oh a woman, that would be refreshing.

  • We go to the smartest man in all the realms, Mamir,

  • and we cut his head off 'cause he's imprisoned in the tree.

  • As you do.

  • And now we need to revive Mamir's head

  • so we're back to the witch of the woods.

  • So we have the head.

  • Alright, I guess let's go into the turtle now.

  • Like a couple of nerds in a nerd story.

  • Oh they're showing the turtle house, this is awkward.

  • There's a real estate person here.

  • This is the living room.

  • And it's a sunken level, oh!

  • That's not a good way to.

  • He's got bad instincts.

  • She'll like this. Do you like me?

  • Will you go on date?

  • You gotta kill this guy, those are all just souls.

  • I'm just like the guy in the woods.

  • God, dude.

  • Look at that guy, he's just hanging off his ass.

  • He's like, what's going on over there?

  • (laughs)

  • I'm gonna call the cops, okay?

  • So God of War, what do you guys think?

  • The killing is very cathartic,

  • I thought you broke through a lot of levels of anger.

  • Yeah I did, I worked out some stuff with God of War

  • and I think I can now use it in my life.

  • So it was good.

  • Later, nine unsolved murders.

  • I think the kid is, doesn't do much.

  • Right.

  • Or should be able to kill the kid.

  • And then he gets it on with the girl in the turtle.

  • Turtle girl, yeah, the real estate lady.

  • Oh and the guy who's just a head?

  • Yeah.

  • He's like the sidekick.

  • They're gonna use him as like an Alexa kind of.

  • Hey, head. Yes?

  • My Delta flight to Chicago. It's delayed.

  • (audience applauding)

  • Hey, you can see the other video games

  • over at teamcoco.com/cluelessgamer.

  • Huge thanks to one of the funniest people alive, Bill Hader.

  • We'll be right back.

Hey, Conan O'Brien here with another clueless gamer.

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