when he or she must take stock.

You've been to Paris, Milan, London, Tokyo,

and you're feeling a little stuck.

I didn't just take stock.

I took Stockholm.

Now I am taking you with me to Stock-home sweet home.

This is "Nonstop Stockholm."

When a lady arrives in the sexy city of Ingrid Bergman

and the Nobel Prize, she fully expects

to be blown away by beautiful blonde folk

floating down the street, elegantly

draped in quadratic equations and perfect tans.

Oh, and hanging balls?

There are hanging balls everywhere in Stockholm.

I hope someone can explain to me the mystery

of the hanging balls.

I'm serious.

Maybe it's got something to do with the Swedish meatballs?

Anyhoo, you gotta love a city with 20 hours

of daylight in summer, a real live king, and a history

of actual Vikings.

So close your dragon tattoo book,

put down the Absolut and that Ikea shelf you're putting

together, don some H&M, lock up your Saab and your Volvo,

because Swedes have taken over the world

and you just didn't realize it.

There are 370 million golden records--

I mean reasons-- telling you to do the one

thing-- the only thing-- the most important thing--

you will ever do in Stockholm.

What is that, you ask.

I bring you ABBA The Museum.

For several hours, I curled up inside a magical ABBA womb,

nourished by every bit of Agnetha, Bjorn, Benny,

and Anni-Frid placenta I could absorb.

ABBA interviews, costumes, gold records,

equipment, and recreated sets?

Check.

Interactive games, holograms, and karaoke opportunities

and photo ops immersing me further

in regenerative ABBA DNA?

Check.

Did I sit inside the ABBA Arrival helicopter

and have a crappy photo taken?

Please.

I did it all.

I would've bought the ABBA clogs if they'd had my size.

It was so magical.

In fact, I no longer say abracadabra.

I say ABBA-cadaba.

OK, cloggers, here are my go, go, gos

and no, no, nos for Stockholm.

Just say no to gypsy cabs.

Sweden regulates alcohol, but not taxis.

So beware.

No, no, no to decaf coffee.

Coffee, yay.

But decaf, nay.

No, no, no to glitzy displays, loud behavior, or flashy cars.

The motherland of minimalist design rolls

low-key, people, so take it down a notch.

Go sleep at the Nobis Hotel, and find

yourself smack dab in the hub of all that

is happening Stockholm-style.

It is totally harbor adjacent and spitting distance

from amazing shopping.

Go eat at Oaxen restaurant, where

traditional Scandinavian food gets

a modern and delicious twist in a fab

setting right by the water.

Go shop at Acne Studios' flagship store, where Stockholm

syndrome actually got coined.

What exactly is Stockholm syndrome?

Alas, Stockholm syndrome is a psychological phenomenon

where captives have positive feelings for their captors.

I solemnly swear on the braids of Pippi Longstocking

that, yes, Stockholm took me captive and we are now engaged.

OK, maybe not engaged, but we are in a very

serious committed relationship.

Save the date.

Ceremony and reception at the ABBA Museum, natch.

Talk.