which I rarely do, because I --

我將談一下我自己

well for one thing, I prefer to talk about things I know nothing about.

我很少這樣做，因為我 --

And secondly, I'm a recovering narcissist.

一方面，更喜歡談論我所不了解的事

(Laughter)

其次，我是一個正在復原的自戀狂。

I didn't know I was a narcissist actually.

(笑聲)

I thought narcissism meant you loved yourself.

其實以前我不知道我是自戀狂。

And then someone told me there is a flip side to it.

我認為自戀是代表愛自己。

So it's actually drearier than self-love;

後來，有人告訴我它其實有另外一個意思。

it's unrequited self-love.

而且比愛自己更令人沮喪。

(Laughter)

它是指對自己單相思。

I don't feel I can afford a relapse.

(笑聲)

But I want to, though, explain

我覺得我無法承受這種舊疾復發

how I came to design my own particular brand of comedy

但我想說的是

because I've been through so many different forms of it.

我是怎麼創建我獨特的喜劇品牌的

I started with improvisation,

因為我經歷過太多不同類型的喜劇。

in a particular form of improvisation called theater games,

我起步於即興創作。

which had one rule,

即興創作中有一種特殊的形式叫劇場遊戲。

which I always thought was a great rule for an ethic for a society.

它有一個規則，

And the rule was, you couldn't deny the other person's reality,

而且我認為這個規則是對社會很好的一個道德規範，

you could only build on it.

那就是，你不能夠否認他人現實的世界，

And of course we live in a society that's all about

你只能基於此再行創作。

contradicting other peoples' reality.

當然，我們活在一個充滿著

It's all about contradiction,

與他人存在矛盾的社會。

which I think is why I'm so sensitive to contradiction in general.

這一切都和矛盾有關

I see it everywhere.

這也是為什麼我對矛盾這麼敏感的緣故

Like polls. You know, it's always curious to me

它無所不在。

that in public opinion polls

例如投票，讓我覺得好奇的是

the percentage of Americans who don't know the answer to any given question

在公開的調查裡

is always two percent.

在任何題目中不知道答案的美國人

75 percent of Americans

總是佔百分之二

think Alaska is part of Canada.

百分之七十五的美國人

But only two percent don't know the effect

認為阿拉斯加是加拿大的一部分

that the debacle in Argentina will have on the IMF's monetary policy --

但只有百分之二的人不知道

(Laughter)

阿根廷政府垮臺對國際貨幣基金組織政策的影響

seems a contradiction.

(笑聲)

Or this ad that I read in the New York Times:

這是很矛盾的。

"Wearing a fine watch speaks loudly of your rank in society.

或者說我在《紐約時報》上看到的這則廣告：

Buying it from us screams good taste."

“配戴一款精緻的手錶展現了你的社會地位

(Laughter)

向我們購買手錶體現你的品味。”

Or this that I found in a magazine called California Lawyer,

(笑聲)

in an article that is surely meant for the lawyers at Enron.

還有我在《加州律师》雜誌上看到的這篇文章，

"Surviving the Slammer: Do's and Don'ts."

這絕對是寫給安然公司(Enron)的律師看的：

(Laughter)

《監獄存活須知》

"Don't use big words."

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

“不要使用過大空泛的字眼”

"Learn the lingua franca."

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

學一些通用的語言。

Yeah. "Lingua this, Frankie."

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

是的，說些通俗話吧。

And I suppose it's a contradiction that I

(笑聲)

talk about science when I don't know math.

而我認為這有些矛盾

You know, because -- and by the way to I was so grateful to Dean Kamen

我不了解數學，卻談論科學

for pointing out that one of the reasons,

因為，順道一提我非常感謝狄恩卡門(Dean Kamen)

that there are cultural reasons

他指出女性和少數族群

that women and minorities don't enter the fields of science and technology --

較少涉入科學和技術領域

because for instance, the reason I don't do math is,

其中一個原因有文化的因素在内

I was taught to do math and read at the same time.

是因為，舉例來說，我不擅長數學的原因是

So you're six years old, you're reading Snow White and the Seven Dwarves,

我被教導著要同時學習數學與閱讀

and it becomes rapidly obvious

當你六歲時，你閱讀著《白雪公主與七個小矮人》

that there are only two kinds of men in the world:

越來越顯而易見

dwarves and Prince Charmings.

只有兩種男人存在於世界上

And the odds are seven to one against your finding the prince.

小矮人與白馬王子

(Laughter)

而你找到白馬王子的機率是一比七

That's why little girls don't do math. It's too depressing.

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

這就是為何小女孩不愛算術，因爲太令人沮喪了。

Of course, by talking about science

(笑聲)

I also may, as I did the other night,

當然，談論科學

incur the violent wrath of some scientists

也可能，像我某個晚上的演講一樣

who were very upset with me.

讓某些科學家產生了一些憤怒的情緒

I used the word postmodern as if it were OK.

他們對我感到非常不高興

And they got very upset.

我使用了“后現代”這個詞，我以爲不會有什麽問題的，

One of them, to his credit, I think really just wanted to engage me

他們非常的沮喪

in a serious argument.

其中的一個科學家，他真的很想要與我辯論

But I don't engage in serious arguments.

某個嚴肅的論點

I don't approve of them

但我不和人在嚴肅的議題上爭論

because arguments, of course, are all about contradiction,

我不贊同爭論

and they're shaped by the values that I have questions with.

因為爭論本身，當然，都跟矛盾有關。

I have questions with the values of Newtonian science,

並且他們是由價值觀來塑造的

like rationality. You're supposed to be rational in an argument.

我對於牛頓科學的價值產生懷疑

Well rationality is constructed

例如理性，你在一個爭論中必須是要理性的

by what Christie Hefner was talking about today,

不過，理性是被建造在

that mind-body split, you know?

如Christie Hefner所談及的

The head is good, body bad.

心靈跟身體是分離之上

Head is ego, body id.

頭腦是好的，身體是壞的

When we say "I," -- as when Rene Descartes said,

頭腦是自我，身體是本我

"I think therefore I am," --

當我們說我--如勒內 笛卡爾說

we mean the head.

我思故我在

And as David Lee Roth sang in "Just a Gigolo,"

我們指的是頭腦

"I ain't got no body."

當David Lee Roth 唱著"我只是個牛郎"

That's how you get rationality.

"我不是沒有好身材"

And that's why so much of humor

這正是你如何得到理性的

is the body asserting itself against the head.

這也正是為何有這麼多的幽默

That's why you have toilet humor and sexual humor.

都是身體自身在反抗頭腦

That's why you have the Raspyni Brothers

這也是為何有洗手間笑話和黃色笑話

whacking Richard in the genital area.

這也是為何Raspyni Brothers(同是喜劇演員)

And we're laughing doubly then

在性方面打敗了理查

because he's the body, but it's also --

我們大聲笑著

Voice offstage: Richard.

因為他既是身體，但也是--

Emily Levine: Richard. What did I say?

理查(另外一個人說)

(Laughter)

我剛說了什麼？

Richard. Yes but it's also the head,

(笑聲)

the head of the conference.

理查，是的，但同時也是

That's the other way that humor --

TED TALK的發起人

like Art Buchwald takes shots at the heads of state.

這是幽默展現的另一種方式

It doesn't make quite as much money as body humor I'm sure --

正像Art Buchwald 挖苦美國領袖一樣

(Laughter)

但我確定它沒有比身體幽默來的收入多

but nevertheless, what makes us treasure you and adore you.

(笑聲)

There's also a contradiction in rationality in this country though,

但即便如此，這讓我們珍視你並崇拜你

which is, as much as we revere the head,

然而，理性的矛盾還是存在於這個國家

we are very anti-intellectual.

那就是當我們尊重頭腦時

I know this because I read in the New York Times,

我們同時也是反菁英的

the Ayn Rand foundation took out a full-page ad

我知道這點是因為我在紐約時報上讀到

after September 11,

安．蘭德基金會用一個全幅廣告

in which they said, "The problem is not Iraq or Iran,

在911過後

the problem in this country, facing this country

寫道"問題並非在伊拉克或伊朗

is the university professors and their spawn."

這個國家要面對的問題

(Laughter)

是大學教授們與他們的爪牙"

So I went back and re-read "The Fountainhead."

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

所以我回去再次重讀《泉源》(Ayn Rand著)

I don't know how many of you have read it.

（笑聲）

And I'm not an expert on sadomasochism.

我不知道你們有沒有看過這本書

(Laughter)

我不是受虐的專家

But let me just read you a couple of random passages from page 217.

(笑聲)

"The act of a master

但讓我為你們讀在217頁的隨意的幾個片段

taking painful contemptuous possession of her,

"主人在行為上

was the kind of rapture she wanted.

痛苦與藐視的對她佔有

When they lay together in bed it was,

這正是她想要的那種狂喜

as it had to be, as the nature of the act demanded,

當他們一起躺在床上時

an act of violence.

好像天經地義，這種本質是

It was an act of clenched teeth and hatred. It was the unendurable.

一種暴力的舉動

Not a caress, but a wave of pain.

這種舉動具有咬牙切齒的恨意，並且是令人無法忍受的

The agony as an act of passion."

它並不是一種愛撫，而是一連串的痛苦

So you can imagine my surprise

這種痛楚是一種激情的行動"

on reading in The New Yorker

所以你可以想像我有多吃驚

that Alan Greenspan, Chairman of the Federal Reserve,

當我在《紐約客》上讀到

claims Ayn Rand as his intellectual mentor.

Alan Greenspan 美國聯邦準備理事會主席

(Laughter)

聲稱Ayn Rand是他的智慧導師

It's like finding out your nanny is a dominatrix.

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

這就好像發現了你保母是虎姑婆一樣。

Bad enough we had to see J. Edgar Hoover in a dress.

(笑聲)

Now we have to picture Alan Greenspan

這就好像是看到了約翰‧胡佛(前聯邦調查局局長)穿裙子一樣

in a black leather corset, with a butt tattoo that says,

現在我們還得去想像Alan Greenspan(現任美國聯準會主席)

"Whip inflation now."

穿著黑色皮革馬甲，屁股上有著刺青然，說著

(Laughter)

“快鞭打通貨膨脹吧！”

And Ayn Rand of course, Ayn Rand

(笑聲)

is famous for a philosophy called Objectivism,

當然，Ayn Rand

which reflects another value of Newtonian physics,

是非常有名的一個哲學是客觀主義，

which is objectivity.

剛好對照了牛頓物理學的另一個價值

Objectivity basically is constructed

就是客觀性

in that same S&M way.

客觀性基本上是被建立

It's the subject subjugating the object.

在和S(被虐) 與M(虐人)同等的方式上

That's how you assert yourself.

它是主觀征服客觀

You make yourself the active voice.

這也是你如何聲稱你自己

And the object is the passive no-voice.

你讓自己成為主動語態

I was so fascinated by that Oxygen commercial.

而客觀是被動語態

I don't know if you know this but --

我對Oxygen的廣告極有興趣

maybe it's different now, or maybe you were making a statement --

我不知道你們知不知道但--

but in many hospital nurseries across the country,

或許現在不同了，或許你心裡也有想法

until very recently anyway, according to a book by Jessica Benjamin,

但在許多醫院的幼兒室裡

the signs over the little boys cribs read,

直到最近，根據潔西卡-班傑明書上說的

"I'm a boy,"

小男孩嬰兒床旁的牌子寫著

and the signs over the little girls cribs read,

"我是一個男孩。"

"It's a girl." Yeah.

而小女孩的則是寫著

So the passivity was culturally

"它是一個女孩。" 是的

projected onto the little girls.

這種被動性將文化意涵

And this still goes on as I think I told you last year.

投射到了小女孩身上

There's a poll that proves --

而這持續發生著，去年

there was a poll that was given by Time magazine,

有個調查證實了

in which only men were asked, "Have you ever had sex

由時代雜誌舉辦了一個調查

with a woman you actively disliked?"

受測者只有男性，他們被問到"是否曾和你不喜歡的

And well, yeah.

女性有過性行為?"

Well, 58 percent said yes,

當然，是的

which I think is overinflated though

百分之58回答是

because so many men if you just say,

我認為這是太過誇張

"Have you ever had sex ... " "Yes!"

因為很多男人，如果你只有問

They don't even wait for the rest of it.

"你是否曾有過性..." "有！"

(Laughter)

他們根本不等問題問完

And of course two percent did not know whether they'd had --

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

當然，還有百分之2的人根本不知道他們是否曾--

That's the first callback,

(笑聲)

of my attempted quadruple.

這是第一個回籠笑話。

(Laughter)

我打算說四個。

So this subject-object thing,

(笑聲)

is part of something I'm very interested in

所以主觀-客觀這東西，

because this is why, frankly, I believe in political correctness.

也是我非常關注的

I do. I think it can go too far.

因為這也是為何我相信政治正確的原因

I think Ringling Brothers may have gone too far

我相信， 我覺得它會太過分。

with an ad they took out in the New York Times Magazine.

我覺得Ringling Brothers他們就太過了

"We have a lifelong emotional and financial

在《紐約時報》雜誌裡他們放了一個廣告

commitment to our Asian Elephant partners."

“我們對我們的亞洲象夥伴

(Laughter)

有終身情感上與經濟上的承諾。”

Maybe too far. But you know --

(笑聲)

I don't think that

或許太過分，但你知道--

a person of color making fun of white people

我認為

is the same thing as a white person making fun of people of color.

有色人種取笑白種人

Or women making fun of men is the same as men making fun of women.

和白種人取笑有色人種是不一樣的

Or poor people making fun of rich people, the same as rich people.

就像女性取笑男性與男性取笑...也是不一樣

I think you can make fun of the have but not the have-nots,

或者窮人取笑富人和富人取笑窮人...

which is why you don't see me making fun of

我認為你可以開擁有者的玩笑，但不能開貧乏者的玩笑

Kenneth Lay and his charming wife.

這也是為什麼你沒有看到我取笑

(Laughter)

肯尼思 萊 還有他迷人的妻子

What's funny about being down to four houses?

(笑聲)

(Laughter)

剩下四棟房子有什麼可笑的？

And I really learned this lesson

(笑聲)

during the sex scandals of the Clinton administration or,

我真的學到了一課

Or as I call them, the good ol' days.

在柯林頓的性醜聞時期

(Laughter)

或者，我稱他們為，美好的舊日時光

When people I knew, you know, people who considered themselves liberal,

(笑聲)

and everything else,

當人們認為他們自己是自由主義者

were making fun of Jennifer Flowers and Paula Jones.

或者其它政治信仰時

Basically, they were making fun of them for being

取笑珍妮佛 或者 寶拉瓊斯(柯林頓緋聞女友)

trailer trash or white trash.

基本上他們在取笑是

It seems, I suppose, a harmless prejudice

住拖車的窮人或白人垃圾

and that you're not really hurting anybody.

這看起來是一個無傷大雅的偏見

Until you read, as I did, an ad in the Los Angeles Times.

你並不是真的在傷害誰

"For sale: White trash compactor."

直到你像我一樣，在《洛杉磯時報》上讀到

(Laughter)

”出售：白色垃圾（白人垃圾）壓縮機“

So this whole subject-object thing

(笑聲)

has relevance to humor in this way.

所以這主觀-客觀的議題

I read a book by a woman named Amy Richlin,

跟幽默之間的關係是這樣的

who is the chair of the Classics department at USC.

我讀了Amy Richlin的著作

And the book is called "The Garden of Priapus."

她是南加州古典系的系主任

And she says that Roman humor

那本書名為《男性繁殖神(Priapus)的花園》

mirrors the construction of Roman society.

而她指出羅馬式幽默其實

So that Roman society was very top/bottom,

反映了羅馬的社會結構

as ours is to some degree.

所以羅馬社會從上到下

And so was humor.

和我們有某種程度的相似

There always had to be the butt of a joke.

就和幽默一樣

So it was always the satirist,

總是有梗

like Juvenal or Martial,

所以總是有諷刺作家，

represented the audience,

像Juvenal 或Marshall這些人

and he was going to make fun of the outsider,

娛樂觀眾

the person who didn't share that subject status.

開他人的玩笑

And in stand-up of course,

取笑那些沒有在同等主觀地位上的人

the stand-up comedian is supposed to dominate the audience.

獨角喜劇更是如此

A lot of heckling is the tension

獨角喜劇演員要更能控制住觀眾

of trying to make sure that the

在一堆質問中，張力的產生是指

comedian is going to be able to dominate,

確認

and overcome the heckler.

喜劇演員是否能夠控制的住

And I got good at that when I was in stand up.

一堆來挑釁、亂入的人

But I always hated it because they were

當我是獨角喜劇演員時，這部份我掌控的很好

dictating the terms of the interaction,

但我很討厭這點，因為那

in the same way that engaging in a serious argument

支配著互動的關係

determines the content, to some degree,

就像是在嚴肅的爭論裡

of what you're talking about.

內容被決定好了是一樣的

And I was looking for a form

你被決定好要說什麼