to this question you should spend about 40 minutes on this task write about the

following topic many museums charge for admission while others are free do you

think the advantages of charging people for admission to museums outweigh the

disadvantages give reasons for your answer and include any relevant examples

from your own knowledge or experience write at least 250 words and here is the

answer to the question museums are unique places where you get

to experience the history from past to the latest technology however admission

is required when entering museums are popular places to go to on a weekends

with family or friends admissions are one of the funds which keeps the museum

running and also to maintain its exhibits without admission museums would

be dirty poorly maintained and likely impossible to operate unless funded from

government or charity however admissions are one thing which

may keep the customer from entering usually we have to pay around $30 for

admissions children or family which doesn't earn much simply cannot afford

such amount they will go to museum which is free or even not go and experience

the greatness of the museum which i think is horrible because it should be

open for everyone I think having an admission is a disadvantage since

museums should be open for everyone but admissions are essential for running the

museums so I think it is very important to come up with a plan so that museums

could be operated but also be admission free such as government funding or doing

a charity Auckland museum is one great example it is

one of the biggest museums in New Zealand but it is also free of admission

since it's government-funded so overall I think it's quite a good

response to the task it's got in paragraph two it talks about the

advantages of admissions charges here the disadvantages of admissions charges

here the opinion is clearly stated but there's not an awful lot of signposting

language cohesive devices to tell me what's about to be written so in

paragraph two I don't know that the writer was going to write about the

advantages of admissions charges until they actually get into the paragraph so

that's a bit of a problem it could say maybe here there are many advantages to

admissions charges instead it actually starts off with this general statement

and this would be better off in the previous paragraph in the introduction

so let's look at how this essay can be assessed against the band descriptors

used by IELTS examiner's let's look at first of all the task response

descriptors I'm just going to zoom in here

so it's certainly going to pass a band 4 is it a band five addresses the task

only partially the format may be inappropriate I think it's better than

this it's fairly well covered it's covered all the main points so I think

it's better than a five is it a six addresses all parts of the task yes it

does although some parts may be more fully covered than others I think

the covered is fairly balanced so it could be better than this relevant

position yes there's an opinion conclusions may become unclear or

repetitive not really the opinion is quite good presents relevant main ideas

but some may be inadequately developed or unclear inadequately developed yes

this essay is I think the ideas are inadequately developed the ideas could

be expanded with specific examples so for example in paragraph two the writer

could write an example of a free local museum which is dirty and under maintained

just to support this argument here so it needs an example similarly here there

could be an example in paragraph three of a museum which does charge an

entrance fee and is almost always empty and you can make up an example of that

so it needs an example to support the ideas so I would say that this is

definitely a band 6 essay for task response but but how many words are in

this ok it's actually only 220 words 220 words is below the word count of 250

which means that I must reduce the task response score by 1

It doesn't have enough words so it's a band 5 it would have been a band 6 but with

another needed 30 more words to get a band 6 let's look at coherence and

cohesion now so let's go down to band 4 presents information and ideas yes but

these are not arranged coherently they are arranged coherently and there was no

there is clear progression so it's better than this so let's go up presents

information with some organization yes but there may be a lack of overall

progression no there is overall progression that's okay it's better than

this but makes inadequate inaccurate or overuse of cohesive devices cohesive

devices let's have a look what cohesive devices are used here because when I was

reading it that's the one thing that stood out that there weren't many so

we've got however however usually we got so as well since but and so that so

there are some cohesive devices there I just feel that there needs to be more

signposting especially at the start of paragraph 2 so that's one problem area

so it's inadequate use of cohesive devices I think maybe repetitive because

of lack of referencing there is quite a bit of referencing in this essay so in

paragraph 3 we got they which refers back to children or family and in paragraph 4

it refers back to Auckland Museum and you've got it here again and it again referring

back to Auckland museum so there was some accurate use of referencing but not

much referencing so I wouldn't say lack of referencing so it's possibly up here

let's have a look arranges information and ideas coherently yes clear overall

progression yes uses cohesive devices effectively I'm

not sure about that one I would tend to go for this level which is a band five

but some examiners might give this a band six it depends whether or not they think

cohesive devices are used effectively they're certainly not faulty there's not

mistakes being made with them so it's a tricky one I would say a band five though

it's a band five or possibly a band six lexical resource next with lexical

resource we're looking for certainly for a band seven we're looking for precise

language good collocations variety in the use of language not too many

mistakes easy to understand so the language should not get in the way of

communication so let's have a look at some of the language used in this essay

some positive things we've got unique places we've got popular places

although you've got places repeated here the writer could use a different

word instead of this you've also got exhibits but I'll come back to this

poorly maintained that's a good collocation as well but again I'll come

back to this funds is another good use a good piece of language in paragraph

three you've got afford I also like the language open for everyone and in

paragraph four come up with a plan that's quite a nice piece of language

too I think one problem though with the

essay is the overuse of admission so you've got the word here admission

admissions here admission admissions admission so admission again so the word

admission has been used many many times and it appears in the task question and

you want to try and avoid using words in the task if at all possible so instead

the writer could have used phrases like entrance fee or entrance

charge and they've also used the word incorrectly admissions are one thing

which may keep the customer from entering it's not admissions and

admission is when you enter a building the writer should be writing admission

charges so having an admission charge is a

disadvantage so the word is actually being repeated a lot and it's used

incorrectly as well there's not too much to say negatively about the use of

language the language is quite natural there is one other point that I

would bring up is the word horrible I think is horrible this is very emotive

language so the register is not correct for an essay for an academic essay you

wouldn't write I think is horrible in an academic essay so you want to try and

keep your your emotions out of it so I would say here even not to go and

experience the greatness of the museum which I think should be open for

everyone also doing a charity is a not a natural collocation we would say running

a charity there are a few spelling mistakes as well exhibits should have an

H here poorly maintained poorly is spelt like this and also government now

we say government but there's actually an N hiding in the word and the word

government is also misspelled further down so you've got a few this writer

has got a few spelling mistakes as well so I think overall while the writing the

vocabulary is easy to understand and there's not too many examples of

unnatural language there is a general lack of flexibility and precise language

one other thing I wanted to point out as well is the greatness of the museum

that's not very natural language so how does this compare with the band

descriptors limited range of vocabulary possibly but it's that's okay maybe

limited noticeable errors in spelling that may cause some difficulty for the

reader no I can understand the essay this is one of the big differences

between a band 5 and a band 6 at band 5 may cause some difficulty but band 6

they do not impede communication so it's probably more like a band 6 adequate

range of vocabulary yes attempts to use less common vocabulary yes some

inaccuracy yes so it looks like a band 6 is it a band 7 sufficient possibly

flexibility and precision No so it's going to be a band 6 for lexical

resource grammar grammatical range and accuracy next let's have a

look admission is required so you've got a passive there and there's also a few

uses of relative clauses which keeps two funds which keeps so a relative clause

there however it should be funds which keep the museum running funds keep and

some relative clauses here which so that museum which is free there's a few errors

with the use of articles should be they will go to a museum which is free and

also near the top the history I would simply write to experience history from

past and it should also be the past there's a nice sentence starter in

paragraph two without admission so that's a good thing would be another

good use of grammar in paragraph three which which may here but also an error

which doesn't so children or family is plural so which don't earn much

and in paragraph four there is so that so there was a dependent clause here a

plan so that so there is some there are some complex sentences not too

many mistakes good overall control of grammar very few errors but not a great

variety of structures no conditionals not many dependent clauses so how does

that compare with the band descriptors so this is a band six over here and five

band four very limited no it's not very limited rare use no there are a few

relative clauses limited range of structures I would say yes it is limited

attempts complex sentences yes but these tend to be less accurate than simple

sentences I think they're used accurately frequent grammatical errors no and again

we've got this issue of can cause some difficulty do the grammatical

errors cause difficulty for the reader no they don't and up here here there may

be grammatical errors but they rarely reduce communication so I think we're up

here there was a mix of simple and complex sentence forms there could be

more so we're definitely at a band six are we at a band seven uses a

variety no you would need wider range things like conditionals to have a

variety of complex structures so we're definitely at a band six for grammar

which means that the overall band score is 5.5 the writer would have got a band

six if they had written 30 words more because it's the the task response that

affected it task response there if that was a six you would get 5.75

overall which is rounded up to a six so that's the difference between a

six and a 5.5 it was the the lack of words had the writer simply done a word

count they would have noticed they had to write thirty words more maybe they

ran out of time but that was the difference between a five point five and

a six so there's the score for this essay hope that helps