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  • -I'm not racist; I have, like, two black friends.

  • -Shut up!

  • -I'm gonna be late for my flight if I don't go right now.

  • -All right, have fun in France, man.

  • -Oh, by the way,

  • my French cousin's staying over while I'm gone.

  • -What?

  • -Yeah, his name's Pierre. Bye!

  • -[gruff voice]: 'Sup, brother?

  • -Pierre?

  • -The one and only, brother.

  • -You don't look very French.

  • -You gettin' racist on me, brother?

  • -No, no, I guess I've just never seen

  • a real French person before.

  • -Ha-ha, well, we're a fun bunch.

  • Up high!

  • Down low.

  • Uh... uh... we should go inside like right now, brother.

  • -We got you now.

  • -(Pierre) Macho, macho man

  • I want to be... [Nyan Cat ringtone plays]

  • -Hello?

  • -Hey man, how's Pierre?

  • -Uh, he looks and talks like Hulk Hogan.

  • -Well, duh, they all do.

  • Have you never seen a real French person before?

  • -Well, I guess not,

  • but, okay, not that there's anything wrong with it,

  • but is Pierre gay?

  • -Anthony, not all French men are gay.

  • That sounds a little bit racist.

  • -Okay, well, earlier today,

  • he was doing some really questionable things.

  • This is the living room,

  • and I'll show you--

  • Why are you holding my hand?

  • -Why would I not?

  • -Not gay!

  • -What?

  • -Not gay!

  • -What are you doing?

  • -Looking at gay porn.

  • -Not g-- okay, that might be a little gay.

  • -Anthony, you can't be so racist.

  • Just because his culture is different

  • it doesn't mean you can spread lies about his sexual orientation.

  • -He was looking at gay porn.

  • -And who doesn't from time to time?

  • -True.

  • -Dude, I gotta go.

  • I've been looking for French fries for the past five hours

  • and I can't find them anywhere.

  • -(Pierre) I want to be... [knock on door]

  • -(Anthony) Hey Pierre, are these your friends?

  • They look like Richard Simmons.

  • -You idiot, that's the Italian mafia.

  • -What the hell are they doing here?

  • -I have a lot of gambling debt.

  • I just can't say no to naked Twister.

  • -Okay, it's time to eat s--t and die, sillies!

  • -Yeah!

  • You've messed with the wrong Italians, Pierre.

  • -I'm so scared right now.

  • Hold me.

  • -What? No.

  • -There you are, you little silly,

  • now it's time to die!

  • -Any last words, you cute little butt-heads?

  • -Yeah, why are you guys acting like Richard Simmons?

  • -Uh, oh no he did not just say that.

  • -What the hell, man?

  • All Italians are like that.

  • -[stammers]: But, I thought they were like,

  • "It's a spicy meat-a-ball-a."

  • -Oh! I can't listen to this racist little prick anymore.

  • -Enjoy being racist!

  • And gay!

  • -You're gay? Eww!

  • -Well, that was a quick flight.

  • Oh, I'd like you guys to meet my new friends from Japan.

  • [rock and roll music plays]

  • -Oh great, let me guess,

  • all Japanese people look and dress like Elvis, right?

  • -Uh, no. We just got back from an Elvis convention.

  • -[speaks Japanese]:

  • -F--king racist!

  • -To see bloopers from this video and more,

  • click the link in the description below!

  • [gruff voice]: Hey brother, click the subscribe button

  • and I'll put some pants on...

  • Captioned by SpongeSebastian

  • ...brother.

-I'm not racist; I have, like, two black friends.

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